Something Like Olivia
by MALove17
Summary: Olivia Benson never lets her 17 year old daughter, Kat, see her pain no matter the circumstances. What happens when Olivia goes through the unthinkable? Will Kat being able to handle seeing her mother like that? - It's my first fanfic ever, but please read!
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfic ever, but read on!**

Katherine Benson was fiercely independent, she took after her mother that way. There were times that she wondered how her mother kept herself together after all of those hard cases Olivia took on at the precinct. Kat wasn't immune to the cases her mother took on, she knew the gravity of each and every one as well as how important it was to catch the perpetrator - today was no different.

Kat emerged from her bedroom that morning promptly at 7:15am wearing jeans, a blue v-neck and her favorite pair of flats she had gotten on her birthday one year. Her long brown hair was pulled back in a messy bun, a necklace dangling around her neck – one that she never took off.

"Hey mom," she greeted her mother with a smile as she made her way into the kitchen to grab breakfast.

Olivia had already been up for about an hour going over the case she received the night before – it was one of the tougher ones she had to deal with. She looked up from her papers grateful for a break, smiling back at Kat and added, "Morning, you finish studying for that test you have today?"

Kat laughed as she took a bite of her toast, "God, Mom. I've got it covered, don't worry." As Kat put her backpack on her shoulders, she looked over at the case Olivia was looking at. "What's this one about?"

Olivia sighed and looked up at Kat, "You know I can't talk to you about this stuff, babe."

Kat rolled her eyes before picking up the file her mother was transfixed on, "Like that's ever stopped you from telling me before." Olivia sat back in her chair, looking up at Kat and chuckled, "You're going to make a great cop someday."

As Kat was flipping through the file, she suppressed a gasp as she came across a picture of a girl about her age who had been severely beaten and left for dead after a gang rape at a Hudson frat party.

"Benson." Olivia immediately said as she picked up her phone, occasionally glancing up at Kat who was flipping through the pages of notes in the case file. "Yeah Amaro, give me 15 minutes and I'll be there."

Kat glanced down at Olivia who was now frantically trying to get her things together. "What'd Amaro want this time?" She laughed as the statement was practically dripping with sarcasm.

"The vic just woke up at Mercy and she's ready to give her statement, I gotta go." Olivia grabbed the case file out of Kat's hands, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze before saying, "I'll be home hopefully tonight, you ace that test, you hear me?" And just like that, Kat was alone in the apartment once again.

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><p>Olivia made it to the hospital as soon as she could, traffic had been a nightmare. She confidently walked through the doors and up to the nurses station where she flashed her badge at one of the nurses who ushered her to a room down the hall. Amaro came walking from around the corner, two cups of coffee in hand.<p>

"Hey partner," he said as he passed a cup to Olivia. "You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," she managed to say just before she walked into the hospital room where the vic was waiting.

It wasn't a pretty sight by any means. The poor girl was all of 19, sitting in a hospital room alone, terrified and covered in bruises. Olivia didn't blame her for initially not wanting to talk to her and Amaro at first, but when she finally gave in, SVU was right there.

Olivia made her way over to the side of the bed and in the softest voice she could manage began, "Hi Julie, I'm Olivia and this is my partner, Nick. We're from Special Victims." Julie's eyes darted between Olivia and Nick, she was doing her best not to panic under the circumstances but she was clearly struggling.

Against her better judgment, Olivia reached out and gently took Julie's hand in her own. "I know you're scared about what happened to you but I promise you that we'll do everything in our power to get you justice." Julie let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding and nodded before speaking, "Y-you're here to t-take my statement r-right?" Her voice cracking as she tried to keep the tears at bay and not lose it completely in front of the two detectives.

Olivia gave her a sympathetic smile and nodded all while never breaking eye contact with Julie, "That's right, do you think you could tell us what happened that night?"

Julie reluctantly began, avoiding eye contact from the start. "I-I was at a frat party on Tuesday night at Hudson with a few friends. We had been invited by a guy in my History class, he told us to come around 10." Julie rambled for a while on what he looked like and how he acted towards them when they first showed up to the party. "I had a few drinks at first and was talking to this group of guys John introduced me to when I started feeling dizzy, like the room started spinning."

She paused for a few moments, tears threatening to spill from her eyes at any given moment. "Th-the next thing I know, I'm upstairs in a room with 4 of them and they're all holding m-me d-down on the bed." At this point, the tears had long since spilled over the edge and Julie was having a hard time keeping it together.

Olivia quickly and softly intervened, "Julie, when they were holding you down, did you say no?"

"Y-y-yes, I said it over and over again but nobody cared. They just kept laughing and throwing me around like I was some kind of doll." Julie continued, trying to speak through her tears, "I must have blacked out, I'm not sure. I don't remember how I got here."

"If we brought you in for a line-up, do you think you could identify your attackers?" Olivia said, her eyes full of empathy for Julie and her situation.

Her eyes went wide at the realization that she would have to see her attackers face to face and she started to panic, "I-I can't see them, I don't want to see them!"

Olivia squeezed Julie's hands ever so slightly, "Honey, it's okay. They won't be able to see you and I'll be there the whole time, I promise. I won't let anything happen to you, can you trust me on that?"

She wiped the tears that made stains on her cheeks, Julie ever so slightly nodded at Olivia's sincere gesture and whispered "Thank you."

Olivia got up from the side of Julie's bed, thanking her for her bravery and handing Julie her business card – something she did with every victim she came into contact with.

Nick was waiting for her outside the hospital room, "You did good, she really trusts you, you know?" He gave her a sincere smile as he noticed that she seemed a little off.

"The poor girl, she has so much of her life to live and this happens to her." She glanced up at Nick, "It makes you think."

"Look, I get it." He smiled at her as they walked down the hallway. "I know Julie reminds you of Kat, all of the victims this age do. This job, once you're a parent, it changes you in a way you never thought about before."

She chuckled and nudged his shoulder with her fist as they began to drive back to the precinct, "Thanks for the pep talk, Nick. I appreciate it, partner."

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><p>Kat had gotten home from school about an hour ago, she was in the process of making spaghetti – a Benson favorite. The living room was already a mess, school papers and textbooks were all over the place from a marathon homework session she had done when she first walked in the door. She was in the last semester of her Junior year and she was beyond ready for it to be over.<p>

Waiting for the water in the pot to boil, Kat returned to her place in the living room, attempting to pick up the papers that littered the floor and the couch cushions. She knew that when her mother came home that night, she would freak out if everything wasn't cleaned up. It was a routine, making a mess and cleaning it up before Olivia walked in the door – she had gotten in trouble if she didn't clean up so many times already.

As Kat made it back to the kitchen to throw the spaghetti in the pot to cook, she thought she'd clean up the rest of the apartment. It was the least she could do for Olivia, after all, Kat knew this case she was working was taking a toll on her even if Olivia never let it show. Olivia was the strongest, most selfless person she knew and she was grateful to have that. If only she could be half the person her mother was, Kat would be satisfied.

Breaking her out of her thoughts, was her phone that must have been ringing for at least a minute now. "Yeah?" Kat answered without bothering to look at the caller ID. "Oh hey, Mom."

"How did your test go today?"

"Great, I aced it. Definitely one of the easiest things I've ever taken this year."

"That's great, sweetheart." Kat was a great student, one of the top in her class so her performance in school was the least of Olivia's worries.

Olivia paused for a short moment and Kat beat her to what she was about to say. "You're not coming home tonight, are you?"

"I'm so sorry, this case is a lot harder than we thought. The stories don't quite line up, mostly on the perps end. I have to go interrogate him in a few minutes, I'll be home hopefully by the morning."

Kat sighed, realizing that it would be another night spent by herself in the apartment. Not that she minded being alone, having her mother there was just nice. "That's okay, I made some extra spaghetti for you. I'll put it in the fridge if you're hungry later." Kat paused again before saying, "Be safe tonight, I love you."

"I love you too, I'll see you in the morning Kat." Olivia said before they both hung up the phone.

Now that the spaghetti was ready, Kat put half of it in a left over container for Olivia when she came home and the rest in a small bowl for herself. She made her way over to the couch and turned the TV on as a way to drown out the silence in the apartment.

As Kat got older, she realized that there was a chance that Olivia wouldn't make it home night after night – it scared her to think that it was a possibility that her mother could be gone in the blink of an eye. She sighed, slowly coming out of her head as she cleaned up her dinner, realizing it was almost 10:30pm.

Turning the TV off, Kat made her way to her room at first before making a quick turn around to the room adjacent to hers. Turning down the covers, she made her way into the bed silently thinking to herself that she was silly to think such awful things and that Olivia would be home when she woke up the next morning.

**I was going to bring Lewis into this story within the next few chapters and play that out, what do you think? Any ideas are welcome! Please read and review. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed this story so far! Here's Chapter 2, I hope y'all like it!**

A week had passed since Olivia took Julie's statement in the hospital and the case was finally closed. The case had gone to court and after a lengthy trial, all four men had been convicted and sentenced to Rikers. It was always a plus to see a perp get sentenced, especially in such a tough case. Every case was tough, some more than others and this one had been beating Olivia down lately. She had barely been home since the first night she called Kat, it was never easy leaving her to fend for herself but it was something that had to be done, a necessary evil.

Kat understood why Olivia didn't come home most nights of the week and she was grateful to have someone as dedicated as her mother who deeply cared about victims and bringing them justice. When Olivia was home, Kat cherished those moments spent with her even if Olivia was on her back about the smallest things. She loved Olivia and was terrified whenever she came home bruised or the time her mother was shot – God that scared her, it still does.

Olivia and Kat were one and the same, they depended on each other and when things got hard, they never let themselves fall apart – they were Benson's, always strong and never fell apart. Kat never voiced her concerns over her mother's line of work, she knew that the squad would lay their lives on the line to save each other and that was enough for her to make sense of everything. Of course Olivia knew that Kat worried about her safety, a mother always knows. Each of them accepted the dangers that Special Victims faced each day and that life goes on, it was inevitable.

Kat had woken up late that morning, it was a Saturday – a day in which she always looked forward to because her mother almost always had the day off. She had pulled herself out of bed, not caring if she was still in her pajamas and meandered her way down the hall to find Olivia. She wasn't surprised to see that there was a half-eaten breakfast sandwich on the kitchen table and that the newspaper was already half read – it was a routine with Olivia. She had gotten home in the wee hours of the morning, scrambled something together to eat and then once she was exhausted, made her way to bed to catch up on the sleep she was desperately craving.

Kat smiled as she began to clean up the table, all while taking a bite of the sandwich her mother had left. "God, she always knows how to make a mean sandwich" She laughed under her breath as she finished the last few bites. Kat knew Olivia was still asleep, she always felt bad that some cases took so much out of her, Olivia always told her it was just part of the job but Kat knew it was so much more than that.

After a half hour of watching TV, she decided it was time to check on Olivia and to maybe start their day – not that they had anything planned but it was always nice just to lay in bed and talk, Kat relished in those moments they shared. She slowly and quietly made her way to her mother's room, opening the door and seeing that Olivia was fast asleep under the mess of covers on the bed. Even though Kat was seventeen, she still loved to lay in bed with the person she loved most. As soon as she got comfy under the covers, Olivia began to stir mumbling while still half asleep, "Kat?"

"Yeah Mom, I'm right here." Kat whispered as her mother turned to face her.

Olivia brushed her hair out of her face, squinting her eyes at the light that was shining through the window in the corner of the room, "What time is it?"

Kat had to laugh at how delirious her mother was after waking up, "It's 10am, Mom. It's not like we have anywhere to be." She looked over at Olivia, sighed as she asked, "What time did you get home this morning? I didn't hear you come in."

"4am, I tried to be quiet. I know how you like your beauty rest, Princess Kat." She laughed as her daughter threw one of the smaller pillows at Olivia.

Kat rolled her eyes in a typical teenager fashion, which made Olivia laugh even harder. "You know it's true, sweetheart. You're a bear when you're tired."

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><p>Olivia and Kat had stayed in that day, Olivia being too tired to do much and Kat had a few school projects she had to work on that were due the following week. Both Benson's had spent much of the day in quiet, letting each other lounge around the apartment. Kat knew that something was bothering her mother but she knew if she asked, Olivia would more often than not, shut her down and say she was fine – the typical Benson go-to phrase.<p>

At around dinner time, both women decided that they were against cooking something and opted to order Chinese. The people at the restaurant knew them both by name considering the amount of times they ordered, they were regular customers. Being a frequent flyer had its benefits though, their food was always delivered astronomically fast which was a huge help in almost every situation. Once both Olivia and Kat were settled on the couch watching a mindless TV show, Kat decided to rip the band-aid off as to what was bothering her mother.

"I know you're working this case and you haven't been home a lot this week, but are you okay? I mean you seem off and just not like my mom. Did something happen? Is it something I did?" Kat began to ramble, not really knowing where she was going with the question. "If it's me, you know that you can tell me or even if it's the case, you can talk to me about it. I love you and I don't want you to hurt more than you have to, Mom."

Kat was staring straight at her mother, waiting for a response with a breath she didn't even realize she was holding. She hated seeing her mother so upset about something she refused to talk about.

Olivia paused to digest the questions her daughter had just asked, wondering if she really wanted to confide in her seventeen year old daughter. She realized that it wasn't always fair to Kat to have to watch her mother suffer, especially after Olivia spent all those years watching her mother do the same to her. Just thinking about her mother was enough to bring tears to Olivia's eyes.

Kat saw her mother trying to hold herself together and she pressed again, "Mom, please. Don't make this harder for yourself, please don't shut me out."

She took a deep breath before she spoke, trying to compose herself as she saw her daughter trying to piece together in her mind what was happening before her. "It's not you sweetheart, it will never be you. I hope you know that." She genuinely smiled at Kat and continued, "This case just got to me, I shouldn't have let it but it did."

"Mom, it's not like you did anything wrong. You did all you could for the victim, I'm sure she's grateful that you were there for her throughout the process." Kat spoke, secretly relieved that her mother's guilt and worry had nothing to do with something she did.

Olivia nodded, "You should have seen her sitting in that hospital bed, all alone and absolutely terrified about what was coming next for her." She took a long pause as tears threatened to spill over, "She looked just like you and every time I looked at her, I saw your face."

Her daughter saw how upset her mother was over the latest victim she came into contact with and she tried to interject, "But Mom,"

By now, the tears had started and Olivia was furiously trying to wipe them away. "She endured the worst experience of her life at nineteen and all I could think about was you and how it would kill me if something ever happened to you."

Kat could count the number of times she had seen her mother cry on one hand and this was time number two. The last time Olivia cried in front of her daughter was when Elliot left the squad with no explanation and that was so hard for Kat, seeing her mom so heartbroken like that. She knew her mother and Elliot had a close relationship but she never really realized how much they depended on each other day in and day out.

Her daughter knew that the last thing Olivia wanted to do was talk, she knew that Olivia was embarrassed about crying in front of other people, let alone her daughter so Kat decided on the next best thing which was to throw herself gently into her mother's arms instead.

Olivia resisted at first but the need for the comfort of her daughter won and she held on to Kat as the tears just kept coming. After a while, Kat let go of the embrace, reaching up to wipe the tears from her mother's eyes.

"Mom, I need you to look at me." Kat explained as she waited what seemed like forever until eye contact was made. "I am not going anywhere, I promise. I need you to understand that, I will be here no matter what. If you have a crappy day and you need to yell, go ahead and yell at me. If you need to cry, please just cry instead of pretending that everything is peachy. I know that SVU isn't always easy and some cases are hard but I need you to know that I'm here, I love you too much to let you suffer like this."

Olivia pulled her daughter back in to her embrace, wiping the last of her tears away. "Are you sure you're my daughter?" She managed to laugh as Kat squeezed her tighter, "Of course I'm your daughter, I learned from the best, you know."

**Lewis will hopefully be introduced within the next 2 chapters, I'll try not to drag things out. I'll try to post Chapter 3 within the next day or so. Any ideas are welcome! Please please please please review! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's Chapter 3! Please please please review!**

Olivia's week had been hell and she was beyond ready for it to be done so she could have a much needed reprieve from the cases that she was dealing with at the 1-6. She had been sitting at her desk for over an hour just staring at the notes from her latest case, William Lewis. He had exposed himself in the park to some tourists. She was silently thanking whoever was listening that a photographer nearby had captured the whole ordeal so at least the squad had somewhere to start their investigation. Something about him just seemed off to her and Olivia was doing everything in her power to try to find something in his background that would get him to sit in a cell a while longer.

She had gotten back from his arraignment a few hours ago, she couldn't help but notice Lewis had gotten especially handsy with his very young public defender. Barba had suggested a simple plea bargain but in the end, Lewis refused to plead guilty and eventually walked. It tore Olivia apart to know that it was out of her power if Lewis did something to another person – it was hard not knowing when the inevitable was going to occur.

Olivia had managed to make her way home to get a night's sleep, after Cragen had basically forced her out of the squad room. When she finally made it back to her apartment, she threw her bag on the counter and began to make her way to her bedroom – much to her surprise, she found a sleeping Kat. Olivia knew she was Kat's security blanket even if Kat never would admit that aloud but after the week she's been having, Olivia was grateful to see that her daughter was peacefully asleep.

Kat stirred under the covers when Olivia laid down next to her and mumbled, "M-mom? What are you doing home?"

"Cragen sent everyone home for the night, we were getting nowhere with this case." Olivia whispered as she turned to face Kat, her hand mindlessly running through her daughters long, brown hair.

"Love you," Kat mumbled as she rolled over and fell asleep once again. Olivia had a hard time turning her brain off that night, there was just a bad feeling she couldn't shake off. She was worried about the events that transpired throughout the day, mostly for the next victim that she knew Lewis was going to take and how she was going to pull herself together in order to crack the case. By the time she finally managed to fall asleep, it was already 2:30am.

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><p>Across town, Donald Cragen had made his way to the home of the photographer that was in the park when Lewis exposed himself to the European tourists. In order to retrieve all of the photos on the camera, he had personally given it to TARU – he had just received it back in his hands only twenty minutes ago. Cragen didn't really know why he was driving across town at such an ungodly hour to return a camera to Alice, she could have waited until the morning – yet here he was, standing outside her apartment door.<p>

He had knocked twice before taking a step back, waiting for a response. At first, he assumed nobody was home but as he was turning to walk away, the door clicked open.

"Hi Alice," Don began, "I-I know it's late but I thought you'd like this back." He held the camera up as he took a few steps towards the open door. "I'm sure you'd like to keep a look out for those Magnolia Warblers in Central Park."

Alice smiled gratefully at the man standing before her and quickly but nervously added, "T-thank y-you, Captain. I'm s-sorry for causing you the trouble of bringing it here at this hour."

He couldn't help but notice that she seemed a little jumpy, not anything like the calm and collected woman he talked to earlier in his office. "Is everything alright?" He just decided to ask rather than walking away, he couldn't live with himself if he walked away when there was something he could have done to help.

"I-I'm fine, I have something in the oven. I better check on it. Thank you again for the camera." She gave a quick smile before shutting the door.

Little did Cragen know that Lewis was behind the door, a gun pointing at Alice's head the whole time. Alice wished that she could have said something but a bullet in her head was something she was trying to avoid.

"Now, let's have some fun. Shall we?" Lewis had already shoved her back into the bedroom and was starting to tie her up to the bed. Alice knew that whether she was ready or not, she was in for a world of pain – she just hoped that she could make it to morning when a neighbor would hopefully find her.

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><p>She was brutally awakened the following by the shrill ringing of her cell phone on the dresser next to her bed. Fumbling around, her hands grabbed the phone, she finally managed to answer, "Benson." Sitting up in bed, she sighed as she was listening to Amaro on the other end fill her in on the latest happenings with Lewis and his escapades. "He did what?!" She blurted out, forgetting that Kat was on the other side of the bed, probably listening in to the conversation and pretending she was still asleep. "Yeah, I'll be there as soon as I can." Hanging up the phone, she turned around to find her daughter fully awake, attempting to piece together what was going on.<p>

"I gotta go, this case just keeps getting worse – it's a relentless cycle with this guy." She sighed as she looked over at Kat who nodded.

"It's okay, Mom. I get it, go ahead." Meanwhile, Olivia had already been in the process of gathering her things to head to the hospital. She was just about to head out to grab her purse when she stopped at the bedroom door, turning to Kat. "I'm sorry, babe. I'll see you later." Her mother was obviously rushed with whatever piece of news she had just received, "Love you, Mom!" Kat had managed to have the last words before she heard the front door close, her mother gone once again.

"Goodbyes never get any easier do they." She sighed, hoping that her mother would put the son of a bitch away for whatever he had done. Sometimes Kat thought it was better to not ask questions about cases her mother came home with, the world was full of sick people who got off on torturing and raping others. She thought that she was better off not knowing sometimes, except on the rare occasion that her mother just started talking about the latest case the squad had gotten. Kat wanted to help bring justice to others, just like her mother had time and time again – she had dreamed of becoming a detective since the first day she stepped into the squad room with Olivia when she was three. She could only hope that she could be half the detective her mother was, and even that was a stretch for Kat – she idolized her mother and everything she had done for others.

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><p>When she stepped into Alice's hospital room, she had to suppress a gasp. Shocked was an understatement, the bruised and battered woman looked nothing like the cheery person Olivia had met only yesterday. Fin and Amanda had already started on Alice's statement but she insisted that Olivia had to be there.<p>

Before Olivia could even get a word in, Alice immediately explained to the three detectives that Lewis had done this to her. She was adamant that they all understood who did these awful things over the course of 18 hours.

"Alice, we are so sorry this happened to you." Fin started out, looking between Olivia and the woman lying before him.

"Do you think you could tell us what he did to you?" Amanda cut in, gently pressing Alice to remember the events that occurred.

Olivia nodded as she made her way to the edge of Alice's bed, sitting down on a swivel chair that the doctors used during some exams. "It's okay, we're here to help you. We won't let him get away this time."

"Uh, I-I had g-gotten home around 8 last night from Bingo with my neighbor Martha, I didn't even realize anyone was in the apartment until he stepped out from inside the hall closet."

"Who is 'he', Alice?" Fin asked, just for the record to state that Alice recognized her attacker.

"L-Lewis, that man that exposed himself to those poor girls in the park. I-it was him, he did this to me." She shakily blurted out as the 60 year old woman was trying to keep herself together for the sake of whatever dignity she had left. "He pointed a gun at me and told me to keep quiet or he'd shoot me."

"Then what happened next?" Olivia gently pressed Alice to continue her statement.

"Um, he, uh, threw me down on the couch, fed me some kind of pills and then disappeared into the kitchen for a little while. When he came back, I felt a searing pain on my wrists." Alice held her wrists out to the detectives, they had been bandaged but they all knew that Lewis pressed cigarettes to her skin in multiple places – the doctors had filled them in on Alice's condition earlier. "He came back a few times, burning me before I passed out."

"What happened when you woke up, Alice?" Fin asked from across the room, he had a pretty good idea at what was coming next, everyone knew but no one wanted to be the first to ask.

"I heard a knock at the door and Lewis told me to answer it. He, uh, he said that if I tried to run, he'd kill me." She had long since started crying but much to the detectives surprise, Alice spoke slowly and clearly the entire time, never once faltering or stumbling over her words. "It was your Captain, he was returning my camera." She smiled slightly, "When he left, Lewis grabbed me by my shirt and dragged me to my bedroom. H-he tied me to the bed so I couldn't move and burned me again with a coat hanger." Alice pointed to the larger bandage that covered her collarbone before continuing, "He tore my clothes off and I-I begged him to stop but he punched me a few times before he, you know, raped me." Alice had never once stumbled over her words until she admitted that she had been raped, she was slowly crumbling in front of the detectives and they all knew it.

"I was supposed to go to the store with Martha this morning, she has a key so she was the one who found me. That's all I remember." Alice admitted, a look of defeat on her face.

"Thank you Alice, you've been a huge help." Amanda nodded as she spoke, her eyes full of empathy for the older woman sitting in front of her.

Cragen had been outside the hospital room the entire interview, he couldn't help but shake the idea that he was somehow responsible for not helping Alice in time. "You know, if I had just turned around and walked back up to the door this wouldn't have happened."

Amaro had been standing with his Captain the whole time, he knew that Cragen felt incredibly guilty that he had unknowingly left Alice with Lewis the previous night. Nick had never been one for having heart to hearts, let alone with his Captain but he could see that he needed to say something to ease a little bit of pain Cragen was feeling over the situation. "Cap, Alice is a tough lady. She fought back, there's evidence of that all over her apartment. You had no idea that this would ever happen, or that Lewis was even in her apartment. None of this is your fault."

"It makes you think, if you could do things all over again and how this would change, you know?" Cragen looked up at Nick, "We need to get Lewis into interrogation, take Benson with you and go pick him up."

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><p><strong>Please please review! :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's Chapter 4! Please please please don't forget to review! :)**

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><p>Lewis had been in the interrogation room going on an hour and he was not giving up any information. Fin and Amanda had taken their turn trying to crack the Beast but they had no such luck. He had been picked up outside a bodega near the halfway house and had immediately been taken to the 1-6 – it amazed everyone that he had walked free the previous afternoon. Now it was Benson and Amaro's turn to try to retrieve whatever information they could from Lewis.<p>

"That old lady said I raped her?" He laughed and added, "I told you she was crazy the first time."

"You're saying that she made it up?" Olivia had asked as she paced the area of the room behind where Lewis was seated, handcuffed to the metal table in the middle of the box.

"Hm, I know enough to stay away from her." Lewis shrugged off her comment, already starting to deny everything that had transpired with Alice Parker the night before.

Nick jumped in, a little sarcasm dripping in his voice, "Alright, so where were you yesterday? Not the halfway house."

"No, I'm all done with that place." Lewis began to shake his head, "It's supposed to be all about recovery but all they do is steal taxpayers money. There's no services, there's no security. It's, the whole thing is a farce."

"Yeah, so where were you?" Benson asked, now standing directly to the left of Lewis. All she wanted was some answers, just to put this guy away.

"Yeah, thanks for the sympathy." He looked straight ahead, refusing to look at Olivia who had been glaring at him for a few seconds.

"Sympathy?" Olivia nodded, pausing to look at Nick before leaning in across the table towards Lewis to say, "What you did to her, you're lucky I didn't kick your teeth in."

The Beast turned, finally making eye contact with the female detective and bitterly adding, "What I did? You should be so lucky someone does that to you." A slight smile came across his face, as Lewis and Olivia stared down one another.

Their eye contact quickly broken as Nick banged his fists on the table twice before pulling it away, "Hey! Shut the hell up! I'll take you out right here, so wipe that stupid smile off your face." He was trying so hard to keep it together during the banter between his partner and Lewis but it ticked him off to hear Lewis threaten Liv like that.

Olivia put her hand on Nick's arm as he slowly backed away from the table, "Hey, hey, I wanna hear this." She began to say as she started to slowly circle around Lewis who was seated. "I should be so lucky. How?" She pulled a chair from across the room and sat it down next to Lewis who had a sly grin plastered on his face as he watched Olivia move. "Tell me." She said as she pushed Lewis to continue.

"Sure sweetheart," he said as he leaned back in his chair. "What do you wanna hear?"

"Whatever you got."

"You mean like, how disturbing it would be to make a fine, educated, cultured woman like that disrobe? How humiliating it would be?" He paused, never breaking eye contact with Olivia who was trying to play the same game Lewis was doing with her. "How she might try to cover herself with her hand?"

"Go on," she pressed as she was trying to get his take on Alice Parker.

"You wanna hear how I tied her to the bed?" He smiled once again, fiercely making eye contact with Olivia from across the table. "Not too tight, so I could watch her struggle. Oh, what about if I made her go down on her knees, force myself inside of her or, you wanna hear about the pyrotechnics? How I put out my cigarettes on her? Yeah, gotcha." Lewis continued, "Or how I branded her private parts with keys, hot hangers."

Nick, clearly disturbed at Lewis' admissions to Olivia cut in, "Alright, we know you're getting off on this but you know what? I wanna know how you got in that apartment."

Lewis scoffed at the accusation Nick had just made, shaking his head side to side before saying, "It was by the numbers." He turned his head from Nick to look at Olivia once again, "Men are from Mars, right Detective? He wants the logistics but you, you want the emotion."

Liv nodded, her eyes a little glassy as she was hearing these horrific things come out of his mouth. "I do." She paused, "So tell me more."

"Do you wanna hear how she was alone with me all night? A 60 year old woman," He paused, "She did things, she never expected to do. She never, imagined were possible. With fingers, her mouth." Lewis began to lean in, closer towards Olivia who was trying not to let him read her emotions that were flying through her mind. "Or do you wanna hear how at the beginning, she said she would do anything, she begged me for her life. And by the morning time, she was begging me to take her out of her misery." He paused for a few seconds before continuing, "Which one do you think I enjoyed more?"

A knock at the interrogation room door interrupted Lewis from telling his story and all three individuals turned their attention to who was coming in.

"Detectives?" Cragen walked in with Lewis' public defender from his earlier arraignment.

"It's my lawyer," Lewis exclaimed as the young defender made her way to his side.

"You guys can't talk to my client," she said as she placed her purse down on the table, sympathetically looking at Lewis.

"Yeah I told them they weren't allowed to do this," Lewis was quick to add, already playing the victim in this situation. "It's just hypothetical," He told Olivia as he discretely but quickly winked at her.

"You know better, he's invoked." the public defender told Amaro who was already pissed about the current situation they were all involved in.

Olivia slowly stood up from her chair, making eye contact with the very confident younger woman standing before her. "Good." She sighed as she walked over towards the door, "I need a shower." She said to no one in particular, but she was a little shaken up about what transpired in the interrogation room.

* * *

><p>"You should have held the lawyer off, I was so close." She sighed as she turned her head towards Cragen, a look of defeat written all over her face.<p>

Cragen was quick to jump in, "He was playing you."

"I had him, he was getting off on telling me the details." She snapped back at her Captain.

"He wasn't confessing, every phrase was couched in a hypothetical." Barba quickly threw out his professional knowledge to the group.

"Well, it doesn't matter. Don't we have him?" Amaro asked Barba and his Captain.

Amanda came into the mix, "Her rape kit just came back, his DNA is all over her, the bed, the stove knobs."

Olivia turned and sighed, looking at her partner who was starting to walk away. "The stove knobs?"

"He branded her." Nick turned, facing Olivia.

"We also found her cameras and jewelry at a pawn shop. The owner ID'ed Lewis." Fin said as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Wherever he is, whatever he has done before, he's going away for life." Barba assured the weary detectives that were standing before him, they all wanted to put Lewis away for what he had done, there wasn't a doubt in their minds as to how badly they wanted to see him in a jail cell for good.

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><p>Olivia had taken a much needed reprieve away from Lewis and her squad, sometimes she just needed a moment alone to collect her thoughts and to ground herself back to reality. There was no denying her job was difficult, hell, she had heard so many heartbreaking things over the years, she often wondered how she was still standing amidst it all. She was a fighter, there was no doubt about it – she wanted to get justice for every victim she had met, it's what restored her faith, just knowing that the victims were able to move on with their lives after trials.<p>

Alice Parker had come in to identify Lewis in a line up but he had other motives which included, attempting to choke himself while being transported to the precinct. Fin told Olivia that he was being held on suicide watch at Bellevue for his latest antics. "This poor woman just can't catch a break." Olivia softly said to Fin as he gave a small smile to one of his oldest friends. "Liv, we'll nail him. He won't walk again." She nodded, thankful that Fin never pushed her to confide emotions that she wasn't always comfortable with letting show, she appreciated that immensely.

By the time she had reconvened with her co-workers downstairs in the precinct, Amanda had already cracked where Lewis came from. His name had been misspelled in a number of police stations around the country, ranging from Alabama to Maryland, hence the reason he had never been convicted of the things he had done to countless other women. Olivia was horrified that he had managed to get out of every single arrest against him and she was the first to stand up and ask her squad if they could live with themselves if Lewis walks again.

With that statement thrown out in the open, their Captain had sent them all on a much needed break from each other and from Lewis – sending them home for a few hours and telling them to be back by one that afternoon.

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><p>She was reluctant to go home, Olivia knew that Kat would have an array of questions about her latest case and why she was so worked up about it. The last thing Olivia wanted to do was tell her daughter about the serial rapist they were dealing with at the precinct – some things, her daughter was left in the dark about and this would be one of those times.<p>

Kat had the day off from school, it had been a teacher in-service so they were able to plan lessons for the following weeks. She had been happy to have the day to lounge around by herself, even though she missed the comfort of having her mother there to talk to.

When Kat heard keys jiggling in the door, she smiled at her mother when she came into view – she knew her mother was exhausted but Olivia did her best not to show it. "Hi sweetheart," Olivia smiled at her daughter as she wrapped Kat in a hug, something she had been looking forward to ever since she was pulled out of the interrogation room. "After the day I've had, I'm so glad to see you." Olivia chuckled slightly.

"Are you hungry? I'm sure there's something in the fridge that I've made that you could eat. Or you're tired? I know you've had a long few days, you could sleep and I'll find something to do." Kat began to ramble, trying to make sense of what her mother wanted – she wanted to make things easier for the woman who worked so hard day in and day out.

Olivia smiled, "Kat, honey, slow down." She rested her hand on her daughters arm, squeezing it gently. "I'm going to go take a shower and then we'll find something to eat, how's that sound? I have to be back at the precinct by one."

"That's fine, go take your shower and sleep if you want. I'll figure out food, okay?"

Olivia was so thankful that her daughter was so willing to put her own needs aside to help but she always felt bad that Kat had to grow up so quickly because of SVU. She nodded towards her daughter as she made her way to her bedroom, desperately craving a shower to rid herself of the conversation she had with Lewis earlier.

When Olivia had gotten out of the shower, all she had wanted to do was sleep. She was emotionally drained and physically exhausted, it was a miracle that she had even managed to stay awake this long at all. She figured that she could pick something up to eat on her way back to work and her craving for sleep trumped all.

Kat hadn't heard a peep from her mother in a while so she made her way down the hall to the bedroom she had made her own over the last few nights. When she had saw her mother passed out on the bed, all Kat wanted to do was be near Olivia and if that meant meandering her way into her mother's arms, then that was fine with her. "Mom," she whispered, "I'm going to lay with you for a little while." Kat didn't really know why she felt the need to tell her mother that, maybe it was the fact Kat needed the comfort of familiar arms holding her or just the fact that she wanted to spend time with her mother even if it was only for a few hours before she disappeared again.

Kat had moved her body close to her mothers, nudging her head near Olivia's arm and laying still for a few minutes before moving her hand up to her mother's head and running her fingers through her hair. It brought a great deal of comfort to Kat all those times that Olivia had done it to her, her daughter just wanted Olivia to know that she was there for her, if she wanted to let go of all the emotions she had been carrying over the past few days with the case Kat knew nothing about.

Her thoughts began to take over and she couldn't imagine not having her mother in her life. Even though Kat was seventeen, she loved her mother's company and having such a great role model in her life. Her mind brought her back to the time Olivia was shot and how close Kat had come to losing the only blood-related family she had, she couldn't possibly endure the trauma of something like that ever happening again. Before Kat knew it, she had been crying and her mother was beginning to wake up as her daughter was quietly whimpering beside her.

"W-what happened?!" Olivia jumped to conclusions, assuming the worst. "Is everything okay?"

Her daughter reluctantly nodded her head and swiping away the tears, hoping that her mother didn't see them. "It's nothing, really. Go back to sleep."

Olivia could never take nothing for an answer and she pushed her daughter to confide what she had been feeling but underneath, she knew how deep Kat's insecurities ran as far as if Olivia didn't make it home one day after work. "Kat," Olivia whispered, taking her daughters hands in her own. "Talk to me, sweetheart."

Kat had already felt silly for being caught red-handed by her mother but there was a desperate need to convey her thoughts to Olivia. "I-I was just thinking about how there might come a time when you don't come home at all." She managed to choke out as the tears started again.

"Babe," Olivia started, a look of complete sympathy in her eyes as she looked at her daughter crumbling in front of her own eyes. "I'm not going anywhere any time soon, I promise."

Kat refused to make eye contact with her mother, "How can you promise something like that? You deal with guns and perps, rapists and abusers every day. How can you tell me that nothing will happen to you?" She wasn't trying to get angry at her mother, Kat was just trying to get a grip on the reality she was faced with every time her mother left the apartment. "What about that time you got shot? I thought I was going to lose you, Mom."

Olivia pulled her daughter into her arms, mindlessly running her fingers through her hair, attempting to comfort the most important person in her life. "I have a lot of people who would do anything to protect me. There's Fin and Amanda, Amaro and Cragen," Olivia began listing off a dozen names in the NYPD, "That's what we do Kat, we go to the ends of the Earth to protect each other. We keep each other safe, day in and day out." She looked down at her daughter, "Yes, I come home bruised sometimes or occasionally with minor injuries but there won't be a day where you don't know that I'm safe."

Kat looked up at her mother, "I-I just d-don't want to lose you, M-mom." She buried her face in her mother's chest and managed to mumble, "I love you too much to let anything happen to you."

Olivia was trying so hard to keep it together, she knew her job was dangerous but she somehow managed to stay safe all these years. "I'm not going anywhere, Kat. I'm here for a while, babe." She shakily said as she swallowed a lump that was building in her throat. "I love you so much, Katherine Benson."

She held her daughter as she cried out all her worries, Kat always knew her mother was the first one who could make her feel better after these situations. She always wondered how she became so lucky to have Olivia Benson as her mother – maybe God was looking out for her on the day she was born when the nurse placed Kat in her mother's arms.

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><p><strong>Please please please review! I'll try to have the next chapter up soon. :)<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**PLEASE please review! **

**Some of you have been asking who Kat's father is, I'm going to try to work that into the next few chapters, so please bear with me as I figure it out!**

** If you have any ideas at all, don't hesitate to throw them out there! **

**Y'all have been so awesome with this story! :) **

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><p>The following afternoon brought Olivia to Motions Court to witness Barba fight for the ruling that Lewis is able to stand trial. She knew that Lewis was only trying to delay things progressing forward, he was good – maybe a little too good at finagling his way out of everything.<p>

"Your Honor, as you can see from his record, Lewis Williams or William Lewis or whoever he's calling himself today is not crazy, he is crazy like a fox." Barba stood before the Judge trying to get him to understand the gravity of the situation at hand.

Before the Judge even had a chance to mull the new information over, the very young public defender jumped to Lewis' aid, "Your Honor, my client has never been convicted. What he has been, is maligned, targeted and falsely accused."

"Five times." Barba quickly added.

"Mr. Barba, I do know that prior accusations are inadmissible."

"Yes, yes. I-I do your Honor." He paused then quickly defended his prior statement, "But they speak to his ability to do and say anything to avoid conviction."

"It speaks to his innocence." The young public defender sighed as she turned to glare at Barba across the room.

"Then why'd he burn his fingertips?" Barba questioned, "Use an alias? He obviously understands the parameters of the judicial system."

"Your Honor, the state's relentless harassment has taken a toll on my client."

From her seat, Olivia cocked her head slightly as she rolled her eyes, thinking to herself that Lewis was anything but the victim in the situation.

The defender continued, "He's had a complete psychotic break."

"If he's not competent to stand trial, he will remain incarcerated, in Bellevue, on medication until he is competent." The judge added to the ruling.

Lewis' lawyer nodded as she took the judge's deal, "I understand."

"You also understand that if he is found not guilty by reason of insanity, he will be sentenced to a criminal, psychiatric facility? Indefinitely."

Just then Lewis looked up at the judge, apparently coming out of his medication induced haze before speaking, "Your Honor," He paused, "I have been through a very dark time, since my arrest and subsequent persecution. But, I think there may be some light at the end of the tunnel."

His lawyer looking up at him, a questioning look on her face as she nudged Lewis, "Billy."

"It's okay," Lewis said as he looked down at her. "I have faith in the jury's ability to see the truth." He said as he managed a smile at his lawyer.

"So be it, the defendant is ruled competent and is remanded until trial." The judge exclaimed as he raised his gavel.

Barba turned towards Olivia and Cragen who had been watching the entire time, Olivia was horrified that he almost managed to get out of yet another bargain. Barba saw the look on her face and explained that if they want to put Lewis away, they would need to prep Alice Parker to bear witness as soon as possible before Lewis had a chance to delay anything else.

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><p>Before they had even left the courthouse, Olivia had gotten a worried call from Alice Parker's neighbor who had been trying to call Alice all morning but she wasn't answering her phone.<p>

By the time they had managed to reach the apartment, Olivia rushed over to Alice who was laying on the couch, a book in hand. She crouched down on the floor next to the couch, gently resting a hand on Alice's shoulder. "Ms. Parker, can you hear me?"

Olivia waited a few seconds before reaching a hand over to check her pulse, she felt nothing. She sighed heavily as she turned to Cragen, shaking her head, "She's gone."

The car ride back to the precinct was silent, Olivia was horrified and Cragen felt guilty. Alice Parker had been through the worst ordeal of her life and she died before she could give her witness testimony in court.

In the morgue, Dr. Warner had already begun her examination. Cragen had sent Amanda and Olivia down to investigate and hear her findings.

"I'm ruling straight up myo-cardial infarction. In other words, she had a heart attack." Melinda explained to the two detectives who couldn't believe that was her final answer.

"Okay, but, it could be stress related." Olivia said, trying to wrap her head around the situation she was now faced with.

Warner nodded, "If you want me to speculate, sure. Stress could have been a factor."

Amanda leaned in over Alice's body, surveying the area, "It could have been?" She accused Warner, "She was raped, tortured."

Quick to defend her findings, Warner cut in, "3 days prior."

"Detectives, let it go." Barba came walking in, shaking his head as he saw how Warner was being accused.

"Best I can give you, is undetermined." Warner said, looking at a very disappointed Olivia.

Olivia turned to Barba as Melinda walked away, "If you lay out the time line in front of a jury," she began to say as Barba cut in, "If I had a murder charge. It's going to be hard enough to prove rape."

Amanda glared at Barba from across the room, "I used to like you."

"Ms. Parker was our lead witness." He paused as Amanda rolled her eyes, "She never made a lineup ID."

"I took the disclosure," Olivia exclaimed, pointing at herself as she took a step forward towards Barba. "She ID'ed him, he wasn't a stranger, she knew him!"

"Well they'll argue immediate outcry, excited utterance, the defense will argue that he was denied the right to question -"

Amanda shook her head as she walked over towards Olivia and Barba who were now in the midst of a huge disagreement. Olivia, angrily cut in, "He killed her!"

"You are not pleading down Rape 1 after what he's done, to her, to others." Amanda came to Olivia's rescue, fighting for Alice Parker who was now deceased.

"He's never even been convicted. If we can put him away for 4-7 years, it's a start. It's a start."

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><p>"4-7? What, years? No." Lewis laughed and shook his head as he was pacing in the visiting cell, filled with his lawyer, Barba and Olivia.<p>

His lawyer shook his head at her client, "Let's hear them out, Billy."

"He will plead guilty to third degree sexual assault and grand larceny." Barba stared down Lewis from across the table.

"Robbery, right?" Lewis exclaimed. "She gave me the camera!"

Olivia who had been leaning against the wall from across the room, watching the banter back and forth, now joined in the conversation. "Shut up, Lewis. Just stop."

"Counselor, does she need to be here?" Lewis' lawyer asked, glaring at Olivia.

Lewis quickly assured her that she had nothing to worry about. "No, no Vanessa, it's alright."

"This goes to trial and we will charge you with multiple counts of first degree rape, sodomy, false imprisonment, homicide." Barba confidently told Lewis his plans as Vanessa became quickly disgusted at what was being said.

"She had a heart attack, my client had nothing to do with that." She said as she quickly shrugged off Barba's prior statement.

"And I had nothing to do with her being raped." Lewis quickly added, trying to get out of yet another trial.

Olivia began to speak as she maneuvered her way across the cell towards Lewis and his lawyer, "No, your DNA was all over her body." She paused, "And given her injuries, I dare your defense attorney to argue that it was consensual."

"She was obsessed with me."

"No deal, my client is not guilty."

Barba quickly interjected, "Your client raped and tortured a cultured, 60 year old woman."

"A jury will get one look at this scumbag, your insane if you think that they will let him go." Olivia said as she stared at Lewis' lawyer who was obviously annoyed.

Lewis shook his head, "You see this, Vanessa? You see? I told you."

"You're right. Mr. Lewis believes that Detective Benson and SVU have a vendetta against him." Vanessa began to say before Olivia shook her head, rolled her eyes and said, "Oh my god, you're unbelievable."

Lewis leaned across the table, not breaking eye contact with Olivia, "You've had it out for me from the get." He smirked as his lawyer told him to stop engaging.

"You've been doing sex crimes for a very long time," She paused, accusing Olivia, "and now you're projecting your anger at others, unto an innocent man."

With a furrowed look on her face, Olivia spoke, "Innocent?" She leaned in across the table, speaking to Vanessa, "Did you see the morgue photos of his last defense attorney?"

Barba quickly jumped up from his seat, "Olivia." He took her arm, trying to get her to back off.

Olivia was having none of it and continued on, "The one he raped and tortured for 19 hours. She was also convinced of her love -" She paused, trying to get a hold on her emotions. "O-of her clients innocence."

"Excuse me?!"

"We'll see you in court." Barba exclaimed as he had the last word in the matter.

* * *

><p>When Olivia made it back to the precinct, the excitement of the day had died down significantly from that morning. Fin had taken Amanda to go grab something to eat and Amaro had gone home for a few hours to see his kids. Olivia had desperately wanted to go home to see her daughter but Kat had been working on a History project with a friend from school over the past day. She had let Kat stay overnight to work on it, she wished that her daughter could get a little bit of a break from school – she had been swamped with schoolwork lately, it just never seemed to stop.<p>

Rather than spending her time at an empty apartment for a few hours, Olivia simply decided to go up to the cribs to gather herself. She was emotionally drained from having to deal with Lewis over these past few days, she really just wanted a chance to be alone for a little while without having the squad constantly asking her if she was alright. Whether or not she wanted to admit it, she wasn't even close to being alright.

She was laying on one of the beds that was farther away and a little more hidden than the others in the room, it wasn't the most comfortable thing she had ever laid on but it got the job done. She closed her eyes and attempted to rest but the only thing that she saw was Lewis' face – she would never admit it but he intimidated her a little bit. His presence was so over-bearing and strong that it even made Olivia shake a slightly even if she fought everything in her body not to show it.

Breaking herself out of her zone-out session, she decided to call Kat to hopefully ease her mind from the things that her head couldn't seem to let go of. She held her phone up to her ear as she heard the phone ringing and smiled when she heard Kat's voice on the other end say, "Hey Mom!"

She sighed, "Hey babe, how's your project coming along?"

"It's good, we're having a hard time finding a few pieces of information to add to it though."

"I'm sure you'll be able to find it, being the detective that you are – nothing gets passed you." Olivia said as Kat laughed on the other end of the phone.

"How are things at the precinct?" Kat had asked, just trying to make conversation but knowing that her mother had a lot on her plate.

"Um, everything is good. It's a little slow right now though." She said, hoping not really to get into it with her daughter.

There was a long pause, Olivia kept her explanation brief but her emotions had been getting the best of her lately and right now had been no different – she was trying so hard not to let the tears spill over and she quickly wiped the few that were running down her cheeks already.

Kat broke the silence as she heard the distinct sounds of her mother trying to keep it together, "M-mom?" She paused, "A-are you crying?"

Olivia immediately felt silly for breaking down at the sound of her daughters voice but she just couldn't shake Lewis from her mind – it was a relentless cycle she wished would end. She quickly but shakily said to her daughter, "I'm fine."

"Mom, you're upset." Kat said, quietly. "Please don't say you're fine because you and I both know that you're not."

"I-it's just this guy we picked up." Olivia started to say, "H-he's done some pretty a-awful things." The last thing Olivia wanted to tell Kat was that she was threatened by him during his interrogation the other day.

"You're doing everything you can though, he'll get what he deserves." Kat began to say, trying to comfort her crying mother on the other end of the phone. "Everything will turn out the way it's supposed to, the jury will see he's no good."

"I'm not so sure about that this time," She paused, swallowing the lump in her throat. "He's walked on everything he's ever done before."

"Then you'll have to put him away yourself, let Badass Benson take a swing at him." Kat laughed at the nickname the squad had given her mother in prior years.

Olivia laughed as her daughter managed to boost her self-esteem in a matter of minutes, something she desperately needed.

"Look Mom, I've gotta go work on this project a little more." Kat started to say, "Wipe those tears and put this guy away like the badass detective you know you are. I love you, Mom."

"Love you too, babe." She said as she hung up the phone. Olivia went into the bathroom to splash some water on her face in order to get rid of any trace of tears and went back downstairs to the precinct with a bit more confidence in her step.

* * *

><p>Olivia was in attendance at the courthouse to witness and give her testimony against Lewis. All she wanted was to give justice to Alice Parker and the countless other victims who had never gotten to go to trial, she wanted to put Lewis in jail for good.<p>

Amanda was on the stand first, explaining how she first came into contact with Lewis. She was the first one to bring him into the precinct for public lewdness. The charges had been dropped against him when the European tourists had eventually left the country. Amanda had brought up Alice Parker and how Lewis used her as retaliation for her capturing the moment on camera.

Lewis' lawyer motioned to strike that from the records and the judge agreed that the jury would disregard the previous statement.

Fin came second, explaining how he found Ms. Parker's camera and jewelry at a local pawn shop. When he had asked the owner if he recognized Lewis' picture, the owner had said that he had brought the items into the store. Lewis' lawyer had brought up the fact that the owner of the pawn shop could have been persuaded to agree to seeing Lewis if the goods in his possession had been stolen, avoiding any legal repercussions.

Nick was third, explaining that the apartment of Alice Parker looked like a scene from hell with blood and electrical cords strewn all over the place. The cords had been used as a form of torture and the entire apartment smelled like burnt flesh. Vanessa accused the NYPD of not being able to find a single witness that placed Lewis at the scene, let alone in Ms. Parker's apartment even though they had canvassed the entire building.

Olivia was the last of the detectives to testify, she had been nervous about this particular testimony because she wanted to do it the right way, to have all her facts straight so there was nothing that Lewis' lawyer could assume or use against her. She explained the scene of the apartment when she had first gotten there, that Alice had immediately blurted out, "It was him, Lewis, he raped me. That beast."

Vanessa had been particularly harsh from the start of her cross examination on Olivia, accusing Alice on not calling first responders until four hours after Lewis had left the apartment. Or how because of the ordeal she went through, Ms. Parker had been in a state of shock, disoriented and possibly even confused. Olivia had fought that the victim had been traumatized but her memory was not affected whatsoever. There hadn't been a lineup where Ms. Parker could identify Lewis because as Olivia put it, "She couldn't, because your client, faked a suicide attempt."

Lewis' lawyer also threw out the fact that Alice had worn bifocal contact lenses that could have inhibited her ability to correctly identify Lewis at the scene. Olivia had known that she had worn the contacts, except it would be out of her knowledge if Alice had been wearing them that particular night. Vanessa had even gone so far as to accuse Olivia as being obsessed with Lewis, a comment that she later withdrew from the record.

Melinda gave her medical testimony on the ligature marks on Alice Parker's wrists, burn marks on her neck, breasts and buttocks, and a plethora of evidence that was consistent with a violent sexual assault. The rape kit that Alice had released had semen in and on her body and that the odds of cross-contamination happening were 100 billion to 1.

Vanessa had initially accused Melinda of the implications of a contaminated rape kit and Melinda had explained that if it were ever to occur, the technician would be dismissed and the kit would be run again. Lewis' lawyer had hired a private investigator to test the evidence of the rape kit for any signs of contamination, much to the surprise of Barba who had no inclination of this test. Barba fought the judge and Vanessa to be given a chance to authenticate these documents but Vanessa said that it would be almost "impossible for the jury to disregard such a falsely damning testimony against my client." Barba had accused Vanessa and Lewis for trying to force a mistrial but in the end, the judge did declare a mistrial because of all the holes in both defenses story.

* * *

><p>Olivia had gotten the call when she was sitting at her desk, to say she was horrified and extremely disappointed were understatements. Everything was out of her hands and she had to sit back and watch as everything unfolded. "And it gets worse," she said, "he's out on bail."<p>

"Bail?" Fin questioned, "He doesn't have a pot to piss in."

"Vanessa, his legal aid attorney, posted his bond." Olivia said, much to everyone's horror.

Amaro had tried to say that Barba would be able to retry Lewis and try to get him convicted but Olivia quickly fought back, "If they even let Barba retry it. There's no DNA, there's no victim." She sighed as she was fighting to keep her emotions in check.

Amanda had threatened to shoot the son of a bitch but Fin opened up his wallet and offered to buy drinks for everyone. Nick had declined, he was going to spend time with his family and Olivia was going to head home, since she had barely been there at all.

"Well, go home. Stay there, two days." Cragen seriously told Olivia.

"Captain, that's -" She tried to fight it but her captain quickly interjected, "Liv! That's an order. If you show up to work, I'll have you arrested."

With tears in her eyes, she started to pack up her desk when Nick walked by asking her if she was alright. "Not really." She managed to say as he asked her if she wanted to talk about it, "Not really." She managed to say as sadly smiled at him.

* * *

><p>She had made her way home after stopping at the Bodega a few blocks away from her house, she noticed her fridge was slowly emptying day after day – it didn't help that Kat had been using everything while Olivia had been at work.<p>

When she opened her door, placing the groceries on the counter, she flicked the light switch on. She assumed that Kat had already gone to sleep, it was late and Olivia figured that she was probably exhausted from working on that project all the time. She threw her keys and phone on the counter, frustrated from the events of the day.

Midway through unpacking her grocery bag, she had heard a noise. "Kat?" She called out, "Honey?"

As she walked out of the kitchen and just as she was about to turn down the hallway, a gun was pointed at her head – Lewis behind the trigger, smiling as he said, "Welcome home, Detective Benson."

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><p><strong>Please please please please please review!<strong>

**I'm heading to Washington D.C. on Thursday for a few days so I'll try to have the next chapter posted before I leave but until then, I'm sorry for the cliffhanger!**

**If you have any suggestions or ideas, please throw them out there - I'd love to hear them! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Please please pretty please review! If you have any suggestions or ideas, throw them at me! **

**Y'all have been SO amazing with this story so far. :)**

**BTW, SVU was amazing tonight! Anyways, here's Chapter 6!**

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><p>He had pulled the gun up to her cheek as Olivia stared at him in shock, hoping to whatever God was listening that she could make it out alive. Lewis had shoved her against the kitchen counter, her side hitting the sharp corner which made Olivia cry out. She had fought hard for a while, giving Lewis a run for his money – he got off on the struggle, after all.<p>

Lewis had already beat her to a pulp and branded most of her body by the time he had tied her up to a dining room chair and put a piece of duck tape over her mouth to avoid being discovered by a neighbor. Olivia had kicked Lewis as he was tying her up, he shoved the chair to the ground and as her head hit the floor – everything went black.

When she finally regained consciousness, she was so disoriented. She thought she was dreaming as she opened and closed her eyes a few times but that thought was quickly thrown away as Lewis stamped his foot harshly next to Olivia's face.

"Hey," he said as she tried to focus enough to figure out her surroundings. "There she is. Big beautiful brown eyes. They're so beautiful." Lewis began running his hand on her cheek as the chair was still tipped over on the ground. "Give me a smile, still feeling woozy, huh?" He paused, "It's alright," as he lifted up the chair Olivia was tied to so it sat upright. "We got time."

"Mhmmhm," Olivia attempted to mumble through the duck tape that made it incredibly hard to breathe properly.

Lewis crouched down next to the chair as he ran his fingers through her hair, another hand holding the gun as it rested on her thigh. Olivia tried to turn her head away and Lewis grabbed a fistful of her hair, "Come on, don't be shy. We're past that. You've been so sweet since you were knocked out." He said as he sat down on the coffee table in front of Olivia.

He unscrewed the top of a vodka bottle as he held it out to her. Liv's eyes opened wide, trying to get them to focus – her head was pounding from the sleeping pills that had worn off and the concussion that she probably had from hitting the floor.

"Another drink?" The vodka bottle coming closer and closer towards her mouth that was still duck taped. "Oh," he sighed, "Why don't I take that duck tape off your mouth so you can say yes."

Olivia nodded, as Lewis lunged forward and held the gun to Olivia's jaw. "One thing: you scream again, I'll shove your gun right down your throat."

As he ripped the duck tape off her mouth, instead of screaming, Olivia spit on Lewis' face which surprised him.

"You know what?" She said, "Shoot me."

He smiled as he looked at her and started to laugh as he shook his head side to side. "That's the end game, sweetheart. We got a lot of shock and awe to go through before we do that." Lewis wiped his face with his fingers and put them into his mouth, licking them.

The next thing Olivia knew, his hand was wrapped around the bottom of her jaw. Shocked, she whimpered slightly not knowing what was going to happen to her next.

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><p>Across town, Kat had been at her friend, Maggie's house working on the History project for the past day and a half that was slowly making both girls go insane. They still had a lot more to work on before they handed in the finished product to their teacher so they decided to take a short break before continuing to work on it.<p>

She knew she should probably call her mother to let her know that she wouldn't be home again that night, it was a conversation that Kat felt awful having because she knew her mom needed her – especially after another week of hell that Olivia had endured.

Kat worried about her mother but she knew that the squad always had Olivia's back whenever Kat wasn't around. She figured that her mother was probably just going to sleep the day off anyways, it's what she usually did after a tough week of cases.

Kat picked up her phone and dialed her mother's number, the call went straight to voice-mail which Kat knew all too well "Hey, it's Liv. Leave your message and I'll get back to you." She wasn't surprised about hearing it – the last thing Olivia wanted was human interaction, Kat got it so she began talking after the beep. "Hey Mom, it's Kat. I just wanted to let you know that I won't be home again tonight, this project is kicking our ass." She paused, "I know that you've been having a tough day, I hope you're alright. If you need me, just you know, call. I'll be here." Kat hung up the phone and didn't really want to think about returning to work on the project but she just wanted to get it done so it didn't have to be worried about anymore.

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><p>The familiar ping of her cellphone went off as it signified an unread voice-mail message. "That's probably my daughter," She began to say as Lewis picked up the phone and held it in his hands. "She'll be home soon, my partner will be with her."<p>

"Your daughter and partner, huh?" He looked at the phone and back at Olivia before she spoke, "Yes."

"Do they both have keys?"

"Yes they do," She nodded confidently at the hope that she would soon be saved from this monster.

He put the phone up to his ear as he stepped over the broken glass and the lamp that had fallen during an earlier struggle between him and Olivia. "It's funny, I don't see much of your daughter's stuff around." He smiled as he leaned back against the kitchen wall, "You wouldn't lie to me, would you?"

"Let's think about what you're doing right now." She spoke, her voice shaky as the vodka made her mouth incredibly dry.

"Oh, I know what I'm doing." He assured her.

"You walk out that door, no one will know anything happened to me." She looked at Lewis as she motioned towards the door.

"What about that perv little detective, the blond one, huh? She's not gonna notice all the bruises, all the cuts?"

"Cab stopped short, I hit my face on the divider."

"What about this?" He lunged forward, his thumb pressing down hard on one of the cigarette burns on her chest making Olivia cry out.

"What about these burns, huh?" He smiled as he continued pressing down, "Just like a dog with a bone on that one."

"So what?" She glared at him, "You've done far worse and gotten away with it. Your lawyer friend, the red-head, she'll accuse NYPD of framing you after the trial." Lewis took a seat, her cell phone still in his hands.

"A mistrial."

"Lewis, go." She exclaimed louder, "Get the hell out of New York. You walk out that door, and we will pretend that this never happened."

He stood up, his hand cradling the side of her head as he stroked her hair, "You'll pretend that this never happened? Would you?" He grabbed her hair tighter in his hand as he accused her of lying to him. "There's something that I think you should hear." He said as he walked behind her, phone still in hand.

Lewis began to play Kat's voice-mail message, _"Hey Mom, it's Kat. I just wanted to let you know that I won't be home again tonight, this project is kicking our ass./em" emShe paused/em, "emI know that you've been having a tough day, I hope you're alright. If you need me, just you know, call. I'll be here."_

As Olivia's face fell at the realization that one of the only people who would come home and find her, wasn't coming and Lewis ate that up, smiling the entire time the voice-mail message played. He clicked the phone off and placed it on Olivia's head before it fell to the ground.

"Guess she's not coming," he proclaimed as he walked away from where Olivia was sitting.

"Billy," the words coming out of her mouth a bit shaky, "I'm offering you a way out."

He lunged forward once again, her gun pointed straight at her face. "You still bargaining with me? Really? We're past that!"

Staring down the barrel of the gun, Olivia staring at Lewis behind the trigger managed to say, "I'm an NYPD Detective. My partner, my squad, the entire department will hunt you down. You think that you've put people through hell? It will rain back down on you."

"You know what?" He paused as he took the gun away from her head, "Let it rain." The next thing Olivia knew, her world went black once again.

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><p><strong>PLEASE PLEASE review! <strong>

**I'm off to D.C. in the morning and won't be back until Monday night so expect an update early next week - I promise I won't let y'all down! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you all so much for being super patient with this story while I was gone!**

**DC was super fun and it was a great weekend overall, I wish I didn't have to leave! I got back home a few hours ago and decided to update!**

**A few questions for you amazing people: Would you want to see any flashbacks that Kat/Olivia have about their earlier memories of life - if yes, any ideas? As far as Kat's father, I was just going to have him be absentee and not really be involved in their lives - like he walked out when Kat was little, what do you think? Also, when Liv is with Lewis, we don't really know if she is raped or not in the actual show - as far as this story goes, should she be or not?**

**Anyways, please please please please review and share your ideas with me! :)**

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><p>It was a Friday morning, just before lunch when Kat had gotten a phone call. She was sitting in her Math class when her phone rang. Kat quickly silenced it after her face turned bright red when the whole class had turned to see where the noise was coming from, she assumed it was a telemarketer or something and didn't pick up. She put her phone on silent, sliding it back in her bag so she wouldn't get in any trouble with her teacher if it accidentally went off again in class.<p>

By the time lunch came around, when Kat pulled her phone out, she saw that she had six missed calls from Fin all with the same voice-mail: _"Hey Kat, give me a call when you can."_ She had thought it was weird to have him leaving all these messages, didn't he know that she was in school?

She held the phone up to her ear as the phone rang, she knew she was going to be late for class but she didn't care – it was Friday and her mind had been checked out since yesterday. "Hey Fin, don't you know I'm in school?" She said as she heard him on the other end of the phone.

"Sorry, must have forgotten the time." Fin muttered, "Hey, when was the last time you talked to your mother?"

"Wednesday afternoon, I think. I haven't been home, I've been working on a school project at Maggie's house." She was a little confused as to why Fin was wondering where her mother was, "Why? Isn't she with you at the precinct?"

"Cragen sent her home on two days leave, she was supposed to be at work this morning but she never showed." He paused, "We thought that you might have heard from her."

"I left her a voice-mail on Wednesday night, I just assumed she had a tough day and didn't want to talk to anyone." Kat said to Fin who was listening intently on the other end, obviously with-holding information from her. "I'll give her a call and swing home, I'm not doing anything in any of my classes today anyways." After saying goodbye to Fin, she called her mother, surprised that she got her voice-mail once again.

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><p>All of the detectives had been worried about Olivia ever since she left the precinct the night that Lewis made bail. They knew how emotionally invested she became in each and every case that came through the doors of the 1-6, everyone admired her for her dedication. She had left the precinct teary eyed and trying to keep it together, procrastinating for quite some time before eventually making it home.<p>

It was odd not to see Olivia at work the following day for the whole squad. Truth be told, she was the heart and soul of SVU. She kept everyone in check, especially when times got tough – everyone knew that they could go to Liv if they needed anything, she was their backbone.

By the time Friday morning rolled around and Olivia didn't show up to work, that's when everyone became weary that something might really be wrong with her. Usually, she was the first one to the precinct in the morning and the last one to leave. A few hours had gone by before Amanda, Nick and Fin all agreed that they should look into it. First on the agenda was to call Kat to see if she knew any information with her mother, those two were inseparable.

Amanda and Nick listened intently to the conversation that Fin had with Kat, they knew that if Kat didn't know anything, something was up – they just couldn't figure out what.

"Go, Fin." Amanda was the first to speak after Fin hung up the phone, "Meet Kat at her apartment. If something did happen to Liv, she shouldn't be the first one to see it." Amanda hoped to God that nothing had happened but in SVU, you learn to assume the worst.

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><p>Kat had driven home after her phone call, she didn't really even want to be in school that day anyways so it made no difference. She wouldn't tell her mother about it, god would Olivia be pissed if she knew her daughter ditched half the day.<p>

She had walked up the stairs, rummaging through her backpack as she pulled out the keys. Sliding the key into the lock and opening the door, she took a step inside the dark apartment. Something underneath her shoe had crunched, Kat flipped on the lights and what she saw looked like a war zone. There was broken glass all over the floor, broken chairs in pieces laying in various spots in the living room, blood stained the floor and carpets, the apartment was a disaster.

Her hand flew up over her mouth as she half gasped, half screamed and the next thing she knew, Fin was holding her in his arms. "Sh, Shh, Shh, it's okay." He nodded at her as Kat took another few steps down the hallway that led to both bedrooms. Her room hadn't been touched but when she saw her mother's room, that's when it took everything in her to not collapse. The sheets on the bed were gone, the comforter had been ripped and was now stained with a mixture of alcohol and blood, the lamp had been knocked off the dresser beside the bed, the mirror in the bathroom had been shattered but the most horrific thing was the massive blood stain on the mattress.

The kitchen wasn't much better, there had been a wire hanger and keys on an oven pan that was sitting on top of the stove. There were half lit cigarettes in cups scattered all over each room, crushed cans of beer, an empty bottle of vodka and whiskey had been broken against the wall in what looked like a struggle.

Fin picked up his phone, dialing the precinct. "We need CSU here now!" He shouted as Kat just looked at him in horror.

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><p>Cragen had been the first to arrive at the scene. Before he even stepped foot in the apartment, he saw Kat who was slumped against the wall outside, clearly in a state of shock because she was just staring straight ahead into the distance.<p>

"Lewis, he did this." Fin exclaimed as he saw his Captain walk through the door.

Cragen surveyed the apartment of someone who he considered to be his daughter, he was shocked and horrified when he saw the damage that had been done. He stepped foot into Olivia's bedroom and seeing the blood stain on the mattress, said to one of the men from CSU, "Bag everything, you hear me?"

Amanda had come in after, "Yeah, he tied her up, duck-taped her mouth. Her hair, her, her blood, i-it's everywhere Captain."

"He might have taken her down the fire escape, the window's open and her bedding is gone." Nick exclaimed, coming out of Olivia's bedroom.

"Any sign of her cell?" Cragen asked.

"No, it's not in the apartment. TARU's tracking it." Amanda said as she crouched down on the ground, surveying the floor.

"Canvas the building, the neighborhood., check all surveillance cams." Cragen said as he walked into the kitchen.

"There's a pan on the stove," Fin said, turning towards his Captain. "With keys. It smells like burnt hair or flesh."

Amanda and Nick looked up from the other room as they heard that Lewis might have branded Olivia, nobody wanted to think that Liv could have endured something like that.

"Son of a bitch," Cragen muttered under his breath at what Olivia might be in for. He turned towards CSU, "A Detective has been kidnapped, you bag everything. I gotta call 1-PP," Cragen pointed at Nick, "And you find him."

Before leaving, he turned to Amanda, "And you get Kat out of here, now. She doesn't need to see this."

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><p><strong>Please please please please review! Sorry for the mini-cliffhanger! :)<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**You people are the best, I love reading all of your reviews on this story - I'm SO glad you like it!**

**Please please please please review! :)**

**Here's Chapter 8!**

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><p>It had taken Amanda almost two hours to get Kat away from her apartment, mostly because she was traumatized and scared of what was happening to her mother. Amanda understood what it was like not knowing the severity of situations, she did after-all work in SVU which had a long history of cases coming up cold. She would never tell Kat that there was a chance Olivia might not come home, she didn't want to further traumatize the poor girl.<p>

It was a long and silent car ride back to the precinct, Amanda drove while Kat sat in the passenger seat staring off into the distance with no real life in her eyes. Amanda didn't want to push Kat into talking, but she knew there would come a time where she would have to force the teenager to have a conversation she wanted nothing to do with.

By the time they got back to the 1-6, there were already some reporters on the street which frightened Kat because she knew just as much information as they did, if not less. Amanda had quickly jumped to her rescue and wrapped her arm around Kat as Amanda shielded her from the prying reporters. Kat had tears streaming down her face as the elevator doors opened into the squad room – she quickly wiped them away so no one would ask her any questions. Everyone saw how broken she looked but no one wanted to pry in case they let something slip that they shouldn't have.

The last thing Kat wanted to do was talk to anyone, she just wanted some alone time to attempt to grasp what was going on around her. She made her way up to the cribs, shutting the door behind her when silence filled the room. Kat had picked one of the cots in the corner, hidden from the door and reluctantly fell asleep – god knows she needed it.

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><p>Downstairs in the squad room, it was everything short of a frenzy. Uni's were running back and forth from the tip lines with stacks of papers in their arms. Don was in his office calling 1-PP, it killed him to have to put in a missing person, let alone for a person who he considered his own daughter. Amanda was frantically reading through the tip line notes, trying to find anything that could lead them to finding Olivia.<p>

Across town, Fin and Amaro had gone to Lewis' halfway house, TARU had traced Olivia's phone and the last known location was in Lewis' room. They had both walked in through the doors, as the director promptly yelled that Lewis had gone AWOL and that he wasn't there. Finding Lewis' roommate, Amaro had shoved him up against the bedroom wall, screaming, "Where is he? Where's Lewis?"

"I don't know, I swear!"

"He was here!" Fin shouted as he stood next to Amaro who was still pushing Jose into the wall.

"What? No, no, no, wait! I swear to god!" Jose yelled as his eyes frantically darted between the two detectives.

"Where's her phone?" Fin said as he began to dial Olivia's cell phone number.

"I don't know about no phone!"

Olivia's cell phone started ringing as Fin turned to Jose saying, "No?" He moved away from Amaro towards where the ringing came from, Fin rustled around on the bed and found the ringing phone. As Fin picked it up, he turned towards Jose, "What's this?"

"Dude, I-I had no idea he left that here. He, he said not to tell anyone that he was here. That guy's crazy!"

"When?" Amaro asked, as he looked straight at a scared Jose.

Uh, I, u-uh" He struggled to remember as Amaro's hand made contact with Jose's face. "Yesterday morning, early!"

"What time?" Nick pressed for more information.

"Really early, before breakfast!"

"What'd he want?" Fin asked, hoping that this would get a lead.

"A car!"

"You got a car?" Fin kept badgering Jose with questions, as Lewis' roommate continued to struggle with information.

"Y-yes, m-my aunt's Lincoln!"

"Where'd he go?" Fin asked again.

"I don't know, he asked how much gas was in it."

Amaro grabbed Jose's face, turning it towards him trying to get Jose to focus and screamed, "Where was he going?"

"I don't ask him that stuff, he was in a real rush! He didn't want to keep her waiting!"

"Her? Who?" Amaro asked, his hand pressing harder into Jose's lower jaw.

"That lawyer, the one who got him off." Jose said as Amaro looked towards Fin before finally letting him go, walking to court.

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><p>Vanessa had been in the middle of arraignment court defending a drug-addicted woman when Amanda came bursting in through the doors. The judge wasn't happy to have this kind of a disruption in her court room but Amanda continued to talk. "Your Honor, if we could. This is an urgent police matter."<p>

The court room started to stir with whispering as to what was going on, the judge continued to glare at Amanda and Vanessa, exclaiming "Order!"

Disregarding the judge's plea, Amanda continued, "We need to question Counselor Mayer."

"We're in the middle of an arraignment." The judge said as she leaned over in her chair looking at the two women standing before her.

"I understand that -" Amanda said before Cragen walked through the door. "Captain Donald Cragen, SVU." He continued as he made his way to stand before the judge, "Your Honor, Counselor Mayer may have information about a suspect who's holding an NYPD Detective hostage."

The judge had reluctantly called a recess and Vanessa immediately stormed out, with Cragen and Amanda close behind. "Lewis was right, you do have a vendetta against him!"

"Counselor," Cragen cut in, not impressed with her excuses from the trial. "Your client, broke into Detective Benson's apartment two nights ago. Now, he either killed her or he's holding her captive."

"You're out of your mind! I just saw him."

"When?" Amanda asked as she looked at Cragen with wide eyes. "Where?"

"This is harassment, I don't have to answer your questions." Vanessa said as she began to walk away from the two Detectives.

Amanda quickly followed and stopped Vanessa, "Counselor, hey! Look," She said as Vanessa finally made eye contact with her as Amanda held up her phone to show Olivia's apartment, "These, these are pictures from that Detective's apartment."

"You have the wrong suspect!" Vanessa shouted as she looked at the pictures. "I was with him all day yesterday."

"Where?" Cragen asked as he stood beside Vanessa.

"We drove out to Long Island."

"In a Lincoln?" Cragen asked as he looked at the counselor in front of him.

Vanessa nodded her head, "Yes."

"He stole it, where'd you go?" Amanda asked quickly, pressing for more information.

"He said, he wanted to go to the beach," She paused, "to clear his head."

"Okay, so on this drive, did he – did he stop the car? Did he ever check the trunk?" Amanda threw out question after question as Vanessa just looked at her confused.

"No."

Cragen cut in, "We have reason to believe that Detective Benson was in that car."

"No, the car was empty!"

"Did you stop anywhere?" Amanda softly asked as she saw Vanessa clearly struggling with the new information she just learned.

"I had to get back to the city and," She paused, "before he dropped me at the train station, we stopped for dinner."

"Where?" Cragen asked, hoping for more of a lead as to where Olivia might be.

"At my parents house in Bellport."

Both Detectives paused and looked at each other before Cragen asked, "Were they there?"

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><p>All available officers reported to the home of Vanessa's parents where they had received information that Lewis might still possibly be there. Everyone knew it was a potentially dangerous situation but there was more of a need to find Olivia than anything else.<p>

The Lincoln was sitting in the driveway of the house, Cragen told a Uni to check the trunk.

Meanwhile, Nick and Amanda had found a sliding glass porch door that was unlocked and they made their way into the house. Nick was the first to see the area and it looked like a disaster. Glass was broken, kitchen chairs were in various stages of disarray around the room, potted plants were broken on the floor – it was a mess.

"William Lewis!" Nick called out as he made his way into the kitchen, his gun pointed. "NYPD!"

Amanda wandered out into the living room where she found an elderly gentleman, bound, gagged and bloodied on the floor. "I got one!" She announced as she rushed over to try to find a pulse. "He's cold," she said as she looked up at Nick who had now made an appearance in the room. "He's been here awhile."

Nick looked down on the floor, "A blood trail," he said as he followed it upstairs.

Outside the apartment, Fin was searching inside the Lincoln for any sign that Olivia might have been inside. "Here's a bed spread," he announced as he pulled it from the car.

"That's a lot of blood," Cragen said as he looked at the blood-stained bed-spread Fin had found.

"Whoa," Fin gasped as he was still looking around in the trunk of the car, "Liv's necklace." He said as he held it up in the light so Cragen could get a good look at it. "Hidden by the spare tire, she left that for us."

"Okay, she was alive in the trunk." Cragen said to Fin before turning to the Uni's standing by, "Canvas every house on the block!"

CSU had opened the garage doors and much to the Detective's horror, one of the cars was missing. Cragen turned to Fin before giving him orders, "Call that lawyer-girlfriend and find out what her parents drive."

Upstairs, Amanda and Nick were still canvassing the house. When they got to the master bedroom and Nick saw the state of the room he said, "They must have spent some time here."

There were broken bottles of vodka that had been smashed, bloodstains all over the bed, pictures had fallen off the walls and shattered on the floor, cigarette trays were on the table and there was a chair beside the bed that had roped tied around it like someone had been restrained there.

Amanda backed up towards the closet as she heard a small sound, "Nick!" she exclaimed as she opened the door, revealing Vanessa's mother hanging, tied up and gagged. "Dear Lord," Amanda sighed as she quickly felt for any sign of a pulse. "She's alive! Help me get her down!" She backed away so Nick could catch the older woman as Amanda worked to untie her.

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><p>Amanda had been the first one to jump in the ambulance, Cragen had let her since she was the one who found this woman hanging by her wrists in the closet. Amanda knew she didn't have much time to waste so she got right to work with getting a statement from the victim.<p>

"My daughter brought him," the victim began to say, "we all had supper together. He drove her to the train station." She paused as her voice started to shake, the paramedic scrambling to clean up the cuts on her face, "Then he came back."

"Can you tell me what happened after Lewis came back?" Amanda leaned over, looking at the battered woman before her. She desperately hoped she could get something out of this woman before she went unconscious.

"He held a gun on me," she said as she looked over to Amanda, "a-and he made me take off my clothes. He ma-oh God." she sighed as she realized what happened to her before she was tied up in the closet. "He made her watch while he raped me."

"This woman, did she say anything?" Amanda leaned closer, trying so hard to coax the information out of Vanessa's mother.

"No, she had duck tape on her mouth. H-he told her to keep her eyes open." She looked over at Amanda, "Any, time she tried to close them, h-he put a l-lit cigarette on me."

"Was this woman, was she with him when he left?"

"Detective!" The paramedic yelled.

"Sh-sh-she, sh-she," Vanessa's mother tried to talk but the exhaustion of the ordeal was setting in and she was slowly losing consciousness. "passed out."

"She was alive." Amanda said aloud to no one in particular. "Could you tell that she was alive?" She stood up, leaning over Vanessa's mother as she tried to get any last pieces of information out of her.

"You're done, Detective." The paramedic sitting behind the older woman told Amanda as he held his arm out, forcing Amanda to sit back down once again.

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><p><strong>Please please review!<strong>

**I'll try to have Chapter 9 posted by tomorrow at some point. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**PLEASE please review! :)**

**Here's Chapter 9 - if you have any suggestions or anything, don't hesitate to say them!**

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><p>Back at the precinct, Munch had been designated to call all of the credit card companies that both Olivia and Vanessa's family used to see if any one of them had been used recently – none of them had. The highway department had been notified but the car hadn't been through any of the tolls entering and leaving the state of New York.<p>

Kat had made her way down to the squad room, she was exhausted and emotionally drained. She just wanted her mother and no one was telling her any information about what was going on – it was like everyone was ignoring the fact she was standing right in front of them. Kat had asked a handful of the Uni's if they knew anything but no one had the decency to sit her down and explain everything.

She had heard Munch on the phone and walked up to him before yelling, "They still don't know where she is? What the hell are they doing?!"

Munch had taken both of his hands and wrapped them around Kat's shoulders, attempting to distance himself from any punches that she decided to throw. "We're doing everything we can to find her, Kat."

"You know what? I might as well go out there myself because you people aren't doing anything!" Her emotions were starting to get the best of her and she didn't care, she just wanted her mother back.

"It's been almost two days and she still isn't here, where is she?!" Kat demanded after Munch became silent, she just wanted answers. "For all I know, she could be dead!" Tears were streaming down Kat's face as she looked up at Munch.

"You can't think like that, Kat. Olivia is a survivor, she'll be okay."

"Yeah? How do you know that?" She paused, "You people haven't told me anything!"

Cragen had witnessed the altercation between Kat and Munch, he was not about to have it in his squad room. He was about to walk out of his office towards Kat and throw her out of the squad room until Amanda knocked on his office door.

"Is everything okay?" Amanda asked as she looked at her Captain.

"She needs to get out of my squad room," he said as he pointed to Kat who was clearly distraught.

"Captain, she needs to know what's going on."

"No, she doesn't need to get involved in this." He said as he shook his head.

"She already is! Her mother is missing and she knows nothing about what could be happening to her." Amanda was doing everything but yelling at her Captain, "She needs to know."

"Are you done?" Cragen asked Amanda who was shaking slightly in anger over the fact that no one was looking after Olivia's daughter.

Amanda nodded and Cragen spoke again, "We don't even know the full story, we can't get her worked up over the fact that Olivia might not come back."

"Isn't it better to let her know something rather than think her mother is dead and to think that we're avoiding her because we don't want her to know?" Amanda shouted, knowing that she would probably regret that later on.

Tension filled the room and Cragen stared Amanda down. Everyone's emotions were flying high, they were doing everything they could to find Olivia but Lewis was always one step ahead of them.

Amanda's voice cut through the silence in the room, "If you won't tell her, I will."

Cragen nodded and then shook his head, "I can't be the one to tell her, that's on you."

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><p>Amanda had to rip Kat away before she punched Munch or anyone else that came near her. She understood where Kat was coming from, she was stubborn and set in her ways. Amanda knew how protective Kat was of her mother and how Olivia was with her daughter, that's what she loved about the both of them.<p>

Kat had reluctantly gone with Amanda, she didn't want to leave the precinct in case her mother magically showed up so the two decided on going to the cribs where they could be alone. Amanda had sat down on a bed first and patted the area next to her, motioning for Kat to sit down. "We need to talk, Kat." Amanda said after a few minutes of silence as Kat finally sat down on the cot.

Kat refused to make eye contact and her voice cracked as she said, "This is where you tell me my mother is dead, right?" Tears spilled over as Kat finally looked up at Amanda, her eyes were full of sympathy for the teenager sitting in front of her.

Amanda shook her head and softly said, "Kat, that's not what I'm going to tell you."

Kat sighed, "You're giving up, the case is cold, isn't it?"

Amanda moved herself closer to Kat whose walls were slowly crumbling down, "I'm not going to tell you that either, sweetheart." Amanda paused as she took Kat's hands in her own as a sign of comfort. "I know no one has really told you anything about what's happening, you must be pretty frustrated."

Kat nodded as her eyes once again made contact with Amanda's soothing blue eyes, there was something about them. Kat whispered, "I just want her to come back."

"We all do, Kat." Amanda smiled as she softly said, "That's why I'm going to be the one to tell you whatever you want to know, so ask away."

The teenager was shaking slightly as question after question flew through her mind, _"Who took her? Why? Who is he? Why does he want my mom? What's happened to her? Is she hurt?"_ After a few minutes of silence, Kat finally asked, "Who's Lewis?"

Amanda sighed at the thought of this sadistic man, "We picked him up about a week and a half ago on public lewdness but there was something about him that seemed off." She paused and wondered if she should really tell Kat all of this but who was Amanda to decide that? Amanda decided that Kat's trust was more important than anything so she continued, "He walked that same night only to rape and torture a 60 year old woman in her apartment for 19 hours." Kat had kept eye contact the whole time, her eyes widening at each piece of information Amanda had let loose, "We tried him in court and the judge declared a mistrial, his lawyer bailed him out that afternoon."

"S-so, what does my mom have to do with this?" Kat had asked, a little confused as she tried to piece together everything.

"Your mom went after him hard during interrogation. Lewis' lawyer fought that she had a vendetta against him."

"How did he know where we lived? How did he get in?" Kat asked hesitantly, not sure if she really wanted to know.

Amanda paused as she saw Kat visibly uncomfortable at the thought that her mother was abducted in their apartment, "We're not sure, he might have followed her or picked the lock."

Kat nodded as she bit her lip, trying so hard not to let any more tears fall. She was so sick of crying but the tears never seemed to stop. "I-is she okay? S-she's not h-hurt, is she?"

Amanda's heart melted for the teenager she considered as much of a daughter as a friend, their age difference wasn't all that big after all and they had become close over the years. "She most likely is, based on what CSU found in your apartment."

"What did he do to her?" She whispered, "Please, I need to know. Amanda, please."

"There's a good possibility that he pressed cigarettes to her skin, that he drugged her and forced her to drink vodka, that he cut her with a variety of sharp objects, that he tied her up and beat her as well as -" Amanda paused and sighed, "that he might have raped her, we don't know."

Kat could no longer hold her tears in any longer, as they spilled over, she managed to shakily say, "Sh-she knew h-he was dangerous, she c-called me."

"Kat, what do you mean she called you?" Amanda asked, "When did she call you?"

"On T-Tuesday, she cried to me on the phone s-saying that h-he might not get c-convicted." Kat sniffled as she tried to gather her emotions to an obviously clueless Amanda.

"Did she say anything else?"

Kat shook her head, "She knew, and I wasn't there to save her." She stood up, pacing the area in front of the cot. "I tried calling her when I was at Maggie's but she didn't pick up." Kat gasped as she realized that her voice-mail might have been the last thing Olivia heard. "Wh-what if she was de-depending on me to come home?" The tears started falling again as Kat was getting more and more worked up about the "what-ifs".

Amanda stood up and she made her way towards Kat, she wrapped her arms around the distraught teenager who tried to pull away. "Kat," Amanda said in the most soothing voice she could, "don't fight it."

After attempting to fight Amanda's embrace, the need for comfort won and Kat all but fell into Amanda as emotion overcame her. Amanda had sat back down on the cot, her back leaning against the wall as she held Kat who was sobbing in her arms. She ran her fingers through the teenager's long, brown hair trying to bring comfort to the girl who was falling apart with each passing minute that her mother wasn't there. Through her tears, Kat choked out, "I j-just want m-my mom, I-I just w-want her h-here."

"We're doing absolutely everything we can to find her, we won't stop until we know where she is." Amanda said as she tried to soothe Kat who looked like she was about to have a panic attack. "Sh, sh, sh, sh."

After a half hour of holding Kat and comforting her, the teenager had cried herself to sleep. Amanda didn't want to move and have Kat wake up but she knew that she should go down to the squad room to hopefully get some kind of an update for Kat when she woke up later on.

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><p>Nick was the first to see Amanda coming down the stairs from the crib, the front of her shirt soaked with Kat's tears. "How is she?"<p>

"Not so good, she's barely coping with everything I told her."

Nick couldn't believe that Amanda had told Kat everything about Lewis, "What do you mean you told her everything? We don't even know what's happening with Liv."

Amanda immediately became defensive, like Nick had any right to question whether or not Kat deserved to know about her mother's kidnapping. "What did you expect me to do? Just leave her in the dark with this?" She glared at Nick, "Her mother is missing, no one knows where Liv is." She paused, "She thought Liv was dead, Nick. How was I supposed to let her keep thinking that?"

Nick kept looking at Amanda while thinking about what was just said, "Where is she now?"

Amanda sighed as she looked at Nick, "Upstairs in the crib, she cried herself to sleep."

"She needs to go home, she can't keep hanging around here waiting on a miracle."

"Are you kidding me? A miracle?" Amanda angrily shouted, "She's seventeen, Liv is the only blood-related family she has. She needs to hold on to something, if it's the fact that Liv could be alive, let her."

Nick felt bad for what he had said and immediately tried taking it back, "Look, I-I didn't mean it that way." He paused, "No one has slept around here since Lewis took her, it's been non-stop chaos."

Amanda rolled her eyes, "I don't need an apology, especially one coming from you." She paused as she saw Cragen motioning for her to come in his office. "I shouldn't be the only person looking out for Kat right now, you of all people should know that."

She had made her way into Cragen's office, sitting down in the chair. "Take the rest of the night off," he paused, "take Kat with you, I'll call you if anything new comes up."

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><p>Amanda had made her way back up to the cribs to get Kat and take her home but much to her surprise, Kat was already awake. "Hey there," Amanda said as she looked at an exhausted Kat.<p>

Kat only looked up when she heard Amanda speak, she was too tired to make small talk at this point.

"Have you been up for long?"

Kat shook her head, "About 10 minutes, I was just going to come look for you."

Amanda motioned for Kat to come with her, "Come on, we're leaving."

"W-hat?" A confused Kat looked at Amanda, "Wh-where?"

"You're coming home with me for the night, I'm not leaving you by yourself."

"N-no, it's okay, really. I'll be fine." Kat didn't want to impose on Amanda, especially if she wanted to work on the case more.

"Cragen sent the both of us home, he said he'll arrest us if we give him any trouble." Amanda joked as she tried to lighten the mood./p

Kat smiled as she got up and followed Amanda out of the precinct and into her car. Amanda lived fairly close to the 1-6 so it was more like a 5 minute drive down the street. Before they knew it, they arrived at Amanda's apartment – Kat was happy that it was such a short drive, she probably wouldn't have let Amanda take her home if the precinct was so far away.

"It's not much, but it gets the job done" She said as she opened the door and an excited Frannie greeted them both. Amanda hadn't been home much that week but she was thankful for her elderly neighbor who was more than happy to pop in and check on Frannie for her throughout the day.

Kat had been to Amanda's a few times before, it was usually when Olivia was there, except for the time when she had been shot and Amanda had looked after Kat for a few days. Amanda had always been there for the two of them, it was no different this time either.

"Are you hungry?" Amanda asked as she saw Kat sitting on the couch. "We could order Chinese, I know that's your favorite."

"No, I'm okay."

That answer wasn't good enough for Amanda, "Kat, you need to eat. It's not healthy if you refuse any type of food." She paused, cringing at how patronizing she sounded even though she was just looking out for Kat's best interests, "When was the last time you had anything?"

"I had a bagel on Tuesday night, I think." Kat reluctantly told Amanda, knowing that she would have to force herself to eat something.

"Well, Chinese it is then." Amanda said as she picked up the phone and ordered sweet and sour chicken for herself and General Tso's chicken for Kat.

Within the hour, their food had arrived and both women sat on the couch watching a mindless TV show in order to rest their minds from the past few days. Kat was picking around at her food, she had only eaten a few bites, not eating nearly enough as she should.

Amanda had been watching her pick at her food and said, "Look, I know you're not very hungry right now but maybe we can try again later?" She didn't want to force Kat to eat, she needed Kat to understand that all of this would be on her terms instead of the teenager thinking that Amanda was always on her back.

Kat knew that Amanda was just trying to be helpful, there was no animosity at all. She was happy that someone was looking out for her, rather than everyone ignoring her in the precinct because they didn't know what to say. If Amanda hadn't taken her home, Kat honestly wouldn't have known what to do – how would she if her apartment is currently a crime scene? She just hoped that her mother was doing alright and fighting harder than ever to come home.

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><p><strong>Please please please review!<strong>

**I'll try to have Chapter 10 up tomorrow at some point! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Please review! You people are the best! :)**

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><p>Lewis had been driving around in a black SUV for a few hours, it was night number two that Olivia had been missing and she was slowly losing hope that she would make it out alive after what had already happened to her.<p>

Her whole body hurt, from the cigarette burns on her arms and chest to the cuts from the knife Lewis used on her to the countless other injuries that occurred and also for the ones she knew were coming for her. Lewis got off on the struggle and from dominating others, there was no way that she would walk out of this unharmed in some way.

Olivia was handcuffed to the side door, her arms held above her head as she was laying on the floor of the vehicle. It was so uncomfortable, the handcuffs had been digging into her wrists for the better part of the night. Her mouth had been duck-taped and it hurt to swallow from the alcohol she had been forced to drink earlier that night – just swallowing those pills Lewis gave her was excruciating, let alone swallowing her own saliva.

Lewis had opened the car door, Olivia's handcuffed hands were stretching out farther as Lewis opened the door wider. "Hey there," he said. "I'm back." Lewis had placed a brown paper bag on the seat, Olivia had looked up at him as she dreaded finding out what was in the bag. "I got some supplies. Were you resting? Whoopsy-daisy" He said as he pulled Olivia up from the floor and laid her on the back seat, "Atta girl."

Olivia managed a muffled whimper from the pain it caused her to move, let alone be thrown around by Lewis.

"There ya go, arms behind your back." Lewis said as he unlocked the handcuffs from the door and locked them again so Liv's arms were tied out of reach. "There we go." Lewis mumbled as he tightened the handcuffs around her wrists, Olivia let out another whimper as the cuffs dug into her already bruised wrists.

"I love hardware stores," Lewis smiled as he sat on the seat next to Olivia, facing her as he held the brown paper bag in his arms. "I got a tarp, some rope, extra duck-tape, some surprises for later." He grinned at Olivia who turned her head away from him. "And some drinks. How's that sound? Huh?" Olivia leaned her head to the side as Lewis asked, "If I take the tape off, will you be a good girl?"

Olivia nodded as she closed her eyes, she felt Lewis' hand on her face as he ripped the duck tape off rather roughly. "You thirsty, sweetheart?"

An exhausted Olivia nodded her head and whispered, "Yeah."

Lewis reached down beside Olivia and pulled out a brand new bottle of vodka. He twisted the cap off and Olivia grimaced knowing that she probably wouldn't be able to swallow the harsh liquid. She turned her head to the side as Lewis grabbed her jaw and said, "No, no, no, hey, you don't get to say no, anymore." He sighed, "Okay, alright." Lewis began to rustle through the paper bag, "You have some vodka, and I'll give you some water." He held up the bottle of vodka towards Olivia, "Okay." He shoved the bottle towards her mouth, forcing her to drink it. As Lewis tipped the bottle of vodka up higher, Olivia began to cough and spit up some of the liquid that was racing out of the bottle. "That's it, suck it down, suck it down." Lewis said as he coaxed Olivia to swallow. "Yeah, that's it, that's it. Swallow!" He leaned in towards Olivia's face as she was trying so hard not to throw up everything she just drank.

She began to cry as Lewis wiped his hand around her mouth, smearing the vodka around her chest and face. "Vicodin, the sleeping pills, they give you dry mouth right?" He laughed as he screwed the cap back on the bottle.

Olivia's mouth was so dry that she could barely speak above a whisper and even that was a struggle for her, "W-water." She managed to say as she saw Lewis start to unscrew the water bottle.

"I know I promised, I'm a man of my word. Like when I told you about that lady," Lewis held the bottle of water close to Olivia's mouth as she tried to lean her head forward attempting to get a sip. "And I told you what I was going to do to her. Right? I told her everything, and then I did everything that I said, didn't I? Huh?!" Lewis said as he grabbed Olivia's jaw and shook it, still holding the water in his hand. "Didn't I?!" Olivia finally nodded her head as she made eye contact with Lewis.

Instead of teasing her more with the open bottle of water, he let Olivia have a sip that she desperately needed. "Okay, that's enough." He said as he ripped the bottle away from her mouth. "I think we're gonna find it soon."

"Find what?" Olivia questioned.

"Someplace special."

Olivia sat up in the back seat as she looked straight at Lewis, she leaned forward trying to get another sip of water but before she could, he ripped it away from in front of her and poured it all out on the pavement outside of the car.

She whimpered as she saw him crumple up the water bottle, then shove it against her chest where he had burned her earlier. Lewis didn't hesitate as he promptly put the duck tape back on her mouth and roughly leaned in, kissing Olivia. "One move," he paused, "lights out. I'll do ya cold."

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><p>Back at the precinct, Kat sat at her mother's desk while listening to everything going on around her – there was nothing else for her to do, she was good at eavesdropping on things she maybe wasn't supposed to hear.<p>

Kat had jumped up when she saw Cragen walk out of the elevator but Amanda had held her back avoiding a potential fight. "Let me go talk to him, okay?"

The teenager nodded as Amanda followed her Captain in his office. "Any new leads yet?"

"They're still searching. Our last witness we have, saw her alive."

"Was Liv okay?" Amanda asked, searching for something she was able to go and tell Kat.

"Compared to the witness? Yeah."

Amanda nodded at her Captain as she ushered herself out of his office and to the board room where Fin and Amaro were briefing everyone on Lewis' MO. Munch explained that Lewis doesn't pre-plan anything and that he's a savant.

Fin had cut in by saying that Lewis does follow certain patterns based on his previous attacks in various states. It was like a game of cat and mouse, Lewis toyed with his victim before moving to a safe house where he took his time.

In Kentucky, he offered his girlfriend's mother a ride in a supermarket parking lot before stopping at a hardware store where he picked up duck-tape, rope and a soddering iron as well as making stops along the way to pick up alcohol. Lewis would tie the victim up, force feed her alcohol and drugs, mainly pills before he would drive aimlessly around looking for an abandoned mobile home out of the view of the road. After Lewis worked her over, he leaves her for dead until a hunter finds her and takes her to a nearby hospital for treatment.

In Alabama, Lewis broke into an apartment of two roommates only to lock them up in the trunk of their car. He drove them to a fishing cabin in the woods, holds them there for three days while raping and torturing both girls. Lewis left them there tied up but they somehow managed to escape.

"So he lets them all live?" Nick asked, as he stood up from his desk.

"Not always," Munch says. He explained that his first lawyer girlfriend in Maryland, Lewis took her to a foreclosed house, holds her there for almost two days and leaves her for dead.

Fin looked up from his phone, "The good news is that the car hasn't been spotted at any bridges, tolls or ferries."

Everyone had figured out that Lewis was still in Long Island which was a good sign because he hadn't left the state of New York. Amanda had said that Lewis had told Vanessa that he wanted to clear his head and go to the beach.

Kat had overheard all of the conversation and jumped in, "Oh yeah, which beach? Hm?" She said as she bent down over the map of Long Island on the table in front of the squad. "North shore? South shore? The bay? Do you know how many beach houses there are on Long Island?"

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><p>Lewis had been driving the black SUV for what seemed like an eternity to Olivia. She desperately wanted to get out of the car but that wasn't up to her, she was at the mercy of Lewis.<p>

He had been singing along to the radio for quite some time now, _"Every morning, every evening. Ain't we got fun? Not much money, oh but Honey, ain't we got fun?"_

Olivia was still laying on the floor of the backseat, cringing every time the car hit a bump and caused her more pain. Lewis had covered her up with a tarp a few miles back so that she couldn't be easily seen if someone were to stop them.

Lewis continued singing until he saw blue police lights flashing in his rear-view mirror. "Oh come on," he said as he stopped the car. He adjusted the tarp over Olivia, Lewis had planned just to say he was working construction if the officer asked.

"He's young, one move and he's dead." Lewis said as he turned his head so Olivia could hear him better. "Evening officer. There a problem?"

"Did you know you ran through a blinking red light back there?"

"Ohhh, I did?" Lewis sighed, playing the victim once again – a game he played all too well. "I looked both ways. Slow night, right?" He smiled at the officer, "I'm sorry, I really should know better."

"Well, can I see your license and registration?"

"Yeah, yep, of course. Registration in the glove box." Lewis unbuckled his seat belt as he reached into the glove box of the car, retrieving the registration papers. "It's my in-law's car. There it is." Lewis said as he handed the registration card to the officer who was standing right outside the driver's side window.

"Your license?"

"Yeah," Lewis said as he began rummaging through his pockets trying to look convincing. "Oh, I left the house in such a rush that I, must have left my wallet."

Olivia was nodding her head slowly and quietly as she gained more and more hope that she would be rescued by the young officer on patrol.

"Hey, what's that on the floor there?" The police officer positioned his flashlight so it illuminated the bottles of alcohol on the floor of the passenger seat. "You been drinking?"

"What? Oh, no. No officer." Lewis shook his head, the officer getting more and more suspicious.

"What do you got back there?" The officer shined his flashlight to the back seat where the tarp was covering Olivia, she was hoping that he would ask Lewis to step out of the vehicle so he would find her.

"Where?" Lewis said as he punched the officer in the throat and grabbed him by the neck, pulling his body halfway into the car. "I think your job here is done," Lewis pulled the trigger of the gun, instantly killing the young patrol officer and with that, Olivia's hope of being found was gone once again.

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><p>"Office Jimmy Hamilton, 3 months on the job, shot once in the head." Amaro briefed Cragen and Fin on the scene. "Lewis took his gun and badge."<p>

"Anything in the vehicle?" Cragen asked as the three Detectives made their way over to the car.

"Traces of blood and hair, he had Liv on the floor in the backseat." Fin said as he opened one of the car doors.

"That's Hamilton's squad car?" Cragen asked.

"Lewis used it to pull over another driver, pistol-whipped her and her baby before locking them in the backseat of the squad car and driving off in the minivan with Liv." Nick said as he pointed to the young woman who was holding a baby as paramedics checked them both out.

"Hey, we got a watch out for a white minivan with Connecticut plates." Fin added as he looked over at Cragen, waiting for his next move.

"He'll ditch that as soon as he can." Cragen said, "Check the ground."

Nick cut in, "We've moved the grid search East and South, we're checking every home, foreclosed home, second home, even boats from here to the water's edge."

Cragen shouted to whoever was listening about their next assignments. "Alright, check gas stations, hardware stores – anywhere they could have stopped from here to Montauk."

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><p><strong>Please review!<strong>

**I'll try to have chapter 11 up at some point tomorrow. Y'all have been so awesome with this story and your kind reviews! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Here's Chapter 11 for ya, it was really hard to write for obvious reasons but I hope you like it.**

**Please review!**

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><p>Lewis had driven the minivan to a beach house that was boarded up for the colder months, it looked like no one had been there for a while based on the mail that was shoved into the mailbox.<p>

He had grabbed Olivia out of the car, she was in rough shape for sure. She had a lot of trouble even walking, her legs felt like they weighed a ton each – probably from the alcohol and pills Lewis had kept forcing her to take. Lewis had wrapped his hand around her waist, practically dragging her into the house as he held the brown paper bag in his free arm.

They made their way to the closest bedroom door which happened to be on the first floor of the house, if it was any higher, Olivia wouldn't have made it up. Lewis didn't care if he was rough or gentle when guiding Olivia into the bedroom, she whimpered as her arm swung around making the handcuffs dig deeper into her wrists.

Lewis took two steps into the bedroom before throwing Olivia onto the bare mattress of an old iron frame bed. She cried out as her body screamed in agony of her injuries that she had already sustained at the hands of him. She rolled over onto her back as Lewis threw down the paper bag on a chair nearby. He picked up a roll of duck-tape, fiddling with the end, "I gotta lose the car. Won't take me that long at all."

He ripped a piece of duck-tape and smiled at Olivia who was laying on the bed, "You gonna miss me?" She whimpered again through the duck tape that made it hard for her to breathe, let alone talk. She just wanted someone to find her, she was slowly losing energy as each minute passed. "Hm?" Lewis said as he saw that she was looking towards the bathroom. "Of course, been a long time. All that vodka, right?" He stepped around the side of the bed, his gun in his right hand as he motioned for Olivia to get up. "Let's go."

She struggled as she tried to push herself up from the bed to stand. Her hands were tied behind her back making it that much more difficult to move, she hurt all over and she knew that she couldn't get up by herself. A smile came across Lewis' face as he saw Olivia struggling, "You need help? I can help you."

He threw the roll of tape against the wall as he lunged at Olivia, wrapping his arms around her torso and legs, roughly pulling her up from the bed. He pointed the gun at Olivia, right underneath her jaw as she mumbled and cried out underneath the duck-tape covering her mouth.

Once Olivia had gone to the bathroom, Lewis was beginning to get impatient with his latest victim. He had so much anger for the Detective who he believed was nothing short of obsessed with him. He wanted to break her, both physically and emotionally. It was driving him crazy to hold off any longer. Lewis threw Olivia back down on the bed once again and handcuffed her to the bed frame. He had brought out the rope and had tied her feet down to the foot of the bed so she was completely immobile.

Lewis smiled as Olivia had realized what was going to happen to her. He laughed at her immense sadness and said, "I've been waiting to do this for a while now, sweetheart." He began to fool around with his belt as he began to unbuckle it. Olivia was thrashing about on the bed doing whatever she could to try to get away, her yells were muffled by the piece of duck-tape that Lewis had promptly put back on.

He had ripped her pants off as she fought him every step of the way, she couldn't let herself be put through such a harrowing ordeal, one that she was all too familiar with in her line of work. Lewis had brought out a blindfold to put on Olivia, he wanted to traumatize her and to make this worse for her by not being able to see what was happening. The next thing she knew, she felt Lewis on top of her as he thrust himself inside of her. She had screamed and had done her best to yell "No" through the duck-tape but Lewis didn't care, he didn't take no for an answer. She had fought him hard but each time she struggled, he had cut her stomach with a knife that was nearby. If she had wanted to survive at all, she knew that she couldn't fight back and as much as it killed her to be vulnerable in front of another person, she stopped fighting hoping that he would get bored and stop.

It had been 45 minutes that Lewis had been on top of her until he finally stopped. She was relieved but it had been an incredibly painful experience. Lewis had put her pants back on as well as taking the blindfold away from her eyes saying that he was such a "gentleman" and that she should feel so lucky to have had this happen. All in all, he had cut her at least a dozen times in the 45 minutes she was at his mercy. She was bloody, bruised, sore and almost ready to give up as Lewis said, "Don't miss me too much, babe," as he walked out of the house to get rid of the car.

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><p>Olivia had been laying on the mattress, bloodied and in tears in the bedroom while she stared at the ceiling for probably an hour while Lewis had left to get rid of the mini-van. She had tried every which way to get our of her handcuffs but nothing was working. She even went so far as to try to break the iron bed frame that she was cuffed to but she had no such luck. Olivia wasn't one to get discouraged but this time was different, she wasn't in control of what was happening and Lewis had the ultimate power over whether or not she lived or died. It scared her that the next second she could be gone, without any explanation. She had tried to put her recent rape in the back of her mind for her own sanity, she couldn't think about it – she just had to survive.<p>

Her mind zeroed in on Kat and how she must be feeling, she hoped to God that she didn't take it upon herself to go after Lewis on her own – the last thing Olivia wanted was to have Lewis hurt her child. For all Lewis knew, Olivia didn't have a daughter and that she lied in her apartment in order for him to let her go.

_A four year old Kat had wandered through the hallways of the DA's office looking for something to do, she gotten bored sitting in Casey Novak's office. She had spent the last two hours coloring at Casey's desk while Casey was talking to another attorney down the hall. Before she left, Casey had made Kat promise that she would stay put._

_Kat had passed a number of doors that belonged to judge's but they were all closed and locked, she knew because she tried opening each one to try to sneak a peak inside. As she continued wandering, she wasn't keeping track of which way she came from but that didn't matter, Kat thought of this walk as an adventure. She had come upon a door that was cracked open and in the office was Judge Petrovsky who was mid-conversation on the phone._

_The young child had plopped herself on the floor with a huge book that she had pulled off one of the shelves that was around her height. The book made a thud on the floor as Kat dragged it into her lap as she began to flip through the pages. When Judge Lena Petrovsky hung up the phone and saw a young child on the floor of her office, she was thoroughly confused – she didn't know anyone with a child this age that worked in her office._

_"Can I help you?" Petrovsky asked the young girl who immediately looked up at her with wide, brown eyes._

_"Your office is cool, it's way better than the one I was in. I was there all day!" Kat exclaimed as she smiled at the older woman._

_The Judge laughed as she then asked, "Well, whose office might that be?"_

_"Auntie Casey!" She giggled, "She lets me color at her desk sometimes, I make all kinds of pictures."_

_"How old are you, sweetheart?"_

_"I'm this many years old," Kat confidently said as she held up four fingers for Judge Donnelly to count. "I'm a big girl, Uncle Elliot tells me I am."_

_"Does he now?" Lena laughed as she asked Kat another question, "What's your name?"_

_"Katherine," She stated, matter of factly. "I don't really like being called that though."_

_"Well, what do you like to be called then?"_

_She giggled, "Kat, silly!"_

_"Of course!" Judge Petrovsky said as she played along with the young girl still sitting on the floor._

_Kat had gotten up from her seat as she dragged the heavy book behind her. She climbed right up into Petrovsky's lap and looked at her, "What do all these things say?" Kat asked as she pointed to all the words in the law book, way too advanced for a four year old to understand._

_"They talk about the law and what it means to break it or follow it." Judge Petrovsky did her best to speak in a way that Kat would be able to understand all the legal jargon in the book she so happily dragged over to read._

_"My mommy puts bad people away in jail, what do you do?"_

_"I help people like your mommy send the bad guys to jail." She said as Kat's face lit up at the thought that someone else was as cool as her mother. "Who's your mother, sweetheart?"_

_"Her name's Olivia, except I'm not supposed to call her that." Kat giggled as her face turned a little red, hoping that she wouldn't get in trouble._

_"Well, I happen to know your mother very well."_

_"You do?!" Kat clapped her hands together and smiled, excited at the fact that someone knew her mother._

_"I do, I also know Elliot and Captain Cragen, Fin and Munch too." Petrovsky stated as she saw how excited the young girl was getting._

_"You know Auntie Casey too?"_

_Judge Petrovsky nodded her head, "Does she know where you are, young lady?"_

_Just before Kat was going to answer her question, a frantic Casey and Olivia came running down the hall and into the open office._

_"Katherine Benson!" Olivia sternly said as she looked at her young daughter who had precariously placed herself on Judge Petrovsky's lap. "You can't just walk away without telling anyone where you're going, understand?"_

_The four year old nodded her head as she jumped off Judge Petrovsky's lap, "You're a nice lady." She made her way towards her mother who swiftly picked her up off the floor._

_"I'm sorry, Your Honor." Olivia started apologizing for Kat who probably interrupted something important._

_"Liv, it's okay. She's just like you, you know." Petrovsky smiled at the Detective who was holding her daughter who was the spitting image of Olivia, "She's welcome any time." She paused as she stepped closer to Kat, "That is, if she tells someone where she's going before she comes in, right Missy?"_

_Kat giggled as she buried her face in her mother's shoulder, "I promise!"_

Breaking her out of her zone-out session, Lewis had come back in the house and had seen that Olivia had tried to get away based on the supplies that had been knocked down and were now scattered all over the floor. He was drunk when he walked in and he looked at Olivia, "Well, look at you." He threw the can of beer on the floor, "You going somewhere?" He quickly punched her in the ribs and another hand hit her already bruised eye socket. "Not without me you're not." Lewis kneeled on the bed as he pressed his hand against the duck-tape covering Olivia's mouth, "I told you, I'd be right back!"

He ripped off the duck tape from her mouth and she finally had a chance to breathe a little better, she gasped for air. Lewis made his way to the head of the bed and he held Olivia's cuffed hands, "We'll tie you to the bed here, and here." He walked around the the foot of the bed and said, "We'll tie up your feet," he pulled Olivia's feet down to the foot of the bed as she cried out in pain.

Lewis was imagining what it would be like when his plan played out, he was clearly getting off on just the idea of it. Olivia lay horrified on the bed, listening to his every word. "You want me to burn your clothes off or cut them off?" He paused, "Scissors, need some scissors. Where's the scissors? There's gotta be some scissors around here, right?" Lewis was opening every drawer in the room trying to find a pair before he eventually found a seam cutter in the kitchen.

He kneeled down on the bed, the seam cutter in hand as Olivia was doing her best not to sob at the realization of what was going to most likely occur again. Lewis noticed and asked, "What's that look?" He paused as he stared Olivia down, "You feeling sad? Thinking about someone you're never going to see again? Mom? Dad? Boyfriend?" He ripped the duck tape off her legs with the seam cutter as he continued talking, "It's someone else?"

Lewis crawled over Olivia so he was sitting right next to her on the bed and smiled, "Someone you would give anything to see, just one more time. I'll just try to put them out of your mind, okay? If you won't make it out of here alive," Lewis teased as the seam cutter came dangerously close to Olivia's face and neck.

"You know what? You might want to keep me around," Olivia smiled slightly, doing her best to buy herself some more time before Lewis got started for the second time. "I know what ya like."

"Well, you've been holding out on me."

"Yes, but that's what you want, isn't it?" Olivia said as Lewis was now intrigued in the conversation, not realizing yet that it was just a defense tactic that Olivia had learned in the academy. "Hard to get? Have me begging for it? I know how to get you off."

"You do?" Lewis asked.

"Yeah, Kentucky, Alabama." She laughed, "I've seen all the photos, I probably know more details than you remember."

"Oh I doubt that." He shook his head as Olivia continued talking.

"I've seen a lot of things but I've never seen anything like this. You're not some punk."

"Don't try and play me now," Lewis said as he started to catch on to what Olivia was trying to do.

"No, I'm not playing you. No, 'cause I know you don't like that." She paused, "Those two girls in the cabin. You had one by her arm in the closet and you made her listen while you did the other one for two days. Did you – did you even sleep?"

He shot up from where he was sitting, "No!" He shouted as he held the gun and pointed it into her mouth. "You don't tell me what to do. Okay?" He paused, "Now you say,"

"I w-wanna l-live." She cried out as he held her jaw with his hand and the gun still aimed at her mouth. "I'll do anything. I'll do anything." She paused as she cried, tears streaming down her face, "Please, I'll do anything."

"Yep," He said, "Yes you will." He was about to unbuckle Olivia's pants before he heard a knock at the door that startled him.

Before Lewis could cover Olivia's mouth, she began to immediately scream for help with whatever energy she had left, hoping to God that she would be rescued.

It had been the maid, she had brought her daughter along to clean up the house before the owner's had come in for the following weekend. Lewis began speaking Spanish to the young girl, asking how old she was and how she was doing. The mother had been a little suspicious of the foreign guest in the house she was supposed to clean but before she knew it, Lewis had pulled them both inside and locked the door behind the two.

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><p><strong>I'll try to have Chapter 12 up at some point tomorrow or the day after, don't forget to review! :)<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Please please please review!**

**Thanks for being so patient with me as I write this story, y'all are the greatest! **

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><p>Across town, a tip had come in with the same vehicle that Lewis was last seen driving. Fin and Amaro had raced down to the house in order to secure the premises but also hoping that they would find Liv there safe and sound.<p>

The call had come in from a middle-aged man who had just come home from work only to find a suspicious white mini-van in his driveway. He hadn't ventured inside because he had heard how dangerous Lewis was.

Fin and Nick had gone into the house with enforcements following quickly behind them, nobody knew what they were walking into. Nick was the first to speak, "William Lewis! Police!"

Fin called out, "Liv!" but heard no answer.

Both Detectives had split up and were wandering the house, securing the premises when Nick heard a faint noise coming from one of the bedrooms.

When he entered the room and pulled back the curtain, he found two teenagers making out. His gun was raised because he thought that Lewis was in the house and when the female teenager saw the police, she immediately yelled, "Don't shoot, don't shoot!"

Everyone was extremely disappointed that Liv wasn't anywhere in the house, they knew that with each passing minute she stayed missing, there was an even greater chance that she might not make it out of Lewis' hands.

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><p>Lewis walked back into the bedroom where Olivia was laying on the bed still handcuffed. "Hey, we gotta hurry." He said as he ripped the duck tape off of her mouth. "We have company. Maid showed up, with her five year old daughter." Lewis walked over towards the dresser across the room, "Sweet little Louisa."<p>

Olivia was horrified that Lewis might have done something to the little girl and she couldn't help but ask, "What did you do?"

"Nothing, yet." Lewis smiled as he looked back over towards Olivia. "That little one, she's a cutie."

"Little girls, huh? Old ladies? What is it with you?" She paused, "You afraid of me?"

Lewis laughed at the accusation Olivia just made, "Oh no, sweetheart. I was just hoping we could take our time in between." He sighed and smiled, "Oh, it's coming baby. Don't you worry."

"You see, I profiled you – a tyrannical sadist who preys on the weak. I think you're afraid of me."

Lewis slammed the knife down on the dresser and angrily looked at Olivia as she continued talking, "I do."

"Do I look afraid to you?"

Olivia nodded, "I think you're afraid of me."

Lewis started to unbuckle his belt and said, "Let's get to the action."

He had lunged at Olivia once again as she flinched while she was still tied to the bed. Lewis was vicious as he tore off her clothes again, he shoved a cloth rag in her mouth so she couldn't scream. This time, Lewis didn't blindfold Olivia because he wanted her to see everything – he wanted her to remember his face for the rest of her life.

Lewis was fumbling around with his belt as he took of his clothes, smiling at Olivia the entire time. "You're going to scream out his name," he paused, "They always do." He had jumped on top of the bed as Olivia watched in horror, she was trapped.

He looked into her big, brown eyes that were wide in fear, "I want a struggle this time, sweetheart. You hear me?"

Olivia laid still on the bed, not fighting him, she couldn't give him the satisfaction of getting off on her struggle. For every minute that she didn't struggle, Lewis's fist would meet her ribs or her already bruised face. She was in agony, her strength was slowly slipping away as he was thrusting himself inside of her.

Her eyes were full of tears as they zeroed in on the ceiling as she tried to bring her mind anywhere but the beach house. Kat had been the first thing to pop into her mind as she remembered the time that she had first met her baby girl.

_She had been in labor going on 15 hours now and she was slowly losing it. Her hormones were all over the place, one minute she was happy and the next, she was in tears over how much her life was going to change._

_The one thing that was setting Olivia off the most was that her daughter's father wouldn't be in the picture. Mark had been so good to Olivia in the months they had been together but when she had found out she was pregnant, that's when Mark had conveniently decided to let it slip that he was already married with a family of his own. It crushed her to think that she was stupid enough not to see any of the red flags earlier in the relationship like how they never went to his place and the times they were together were always odd. But here she was, in her hospital room alone, having the baby they were supposed to love together._

_Her squad had been outside in the waiting room the entire night, taking shifts in case Olivia had wanted to see any of them. They knew it was incredibly hard for her to let others in while she was in such a vulnerable state, this was no exception. Elliot was just about going crazy, he wanted to be there for her so badly but he couldn't be the one to step in first, it had to be on Olivia's terms. Fin had tried to go in to her room earlier in the day but he was quickly ushered out when she began to yell out of frustration because of the situation she was in._

_The nurse had just come in to Olivia's room to check on her to see how her labor was progressing, this was becoming a routine the closer she got to delivering. Olivia had liked her, the nurse had been so sweet to her even though Olivia had thrown out some choice words during a few contractions the last time the nurse came in. Her name was Molly and she felt bad for the woman who she could see was in a tough situation. She had offered every time she came in if Olivia wanted her to get any of her squad in the waiting room to come in and each time, Olivia had refused._

_Olivia was in the middle of a pretty rough contraction, one of the more painful ones she had felt and she was struggling through it. She was laying on her side as she gripped the handle of the bed, gritting her teeth together as she tried her best to breathe through it. When the contraction had passed, the nurse had made her way over to Olivia whose eyes were teary and she was clearly in pain._

_"Just here to check on you again." The nurse smiled as Olivia looked at her and nodded. She sat down on the rolling chair at the end of the hospital bed as she checked how many centimeters Olivia was dilated. Olivia had started to softly cry as she tried to wipe the tears away from her face, the nurse noticed and said as she stood up, "You're about 8 centimeters now. Are you sure you don't want me to bring anyone in? Your squad has been asking about you and how you're doing."_

_Before Olivia could answer the nurse's question, another contraction tore through her body. The tears had long since spilled over as she groaned slightly at the pain she was in. She gritted her teeth and told the nurse through her tears, "El-Elliot, get h-him."_

_Molly had gone out to the waiting room as all the Detectives had looked at her, waiting for what she was going to say. She saw a man who was pacing the floor, he had paused when he saw her in the room. "How is she?" He immediately asked, "Is she okay?"_

_She nodded as all the members from the 1-6 took a collective sigh of relief as Molly looked over at Elliot, "She's asking for you."_

_Elliot almost tripped over himself as he quickly followed behind Molly into Liv's room. Olivia looked at Molly and nodded as she left, leaving Elliot and Olivia alone. It was silent for a few minutes as they both looked at each other before Olivia started to cry again, "I-I can't do this El."_

_He made his way over to her bed and sat down beside her, gently pulling Olivia into his arms as she cried. "Hey, hey, it's okay." He soothed, "Liv, if anyone can do this, it's you."_

_"It's too much, El." She sobbed, "It hurts, I'm exhausted."_

_"I know, Liv." He was doing his best to comfort her, Elliot knew she was exhausted but there was really nothing he could do except be there for her, "Molly said you were at 8 centimeters, you're so close."_

_She nodded as another contraction came, Olivia was so uncomfortable and no matter how much she had tried to prepare her body for them, nothing helped. She squeezed Elliot's hand tightly as he held her, she was attempting to breathe through it. "They're coming closer together," she said as the contraction finally passed._

_"You're that much closer to meeting your baby." He smiled as she shook her head._

_"What if I'm the world's worst mother?" She whispered, "What if I can't do this by myself? What if I'm just like my mother?"_

_"Liv," Elliot paused as he heard her doubting herself. "You're nothing like Serena, you can't think like that."_

_Elliot had been there for Olivia throughout her entire pregnancy, from checking up on her at home when she couldn't make it to work because of morning sickness to dropping off food that she was craving to even tagging along to ultrasounds. He knew he wasn't the father of her baby but because Olivia was his best friend and partner, he had to let her know that he was in for the long haul – that he would be there, no matter what._

_Once her contractions were coming about a minute apart, she made Elliot go get Molly and the doctor. She didn't want him to leave, she was so scared but he had to. He returned a few minutes later with Molly and Olivia's doctor while Olivia was on the verge of tears once again at the fear that was rushing through her body. "P-please check, I n-need to get this baby o-out."_

_She was finally 10 centimeters dilated and ready to push although she was scared out of her mind. Elliot was holding her hands as the doctor sat down in the chair at the foot of her bed and spoke, "Okay, Olivia. When you feel your next contraction, push, alright?"_

_She nodded as a few seconds later, she began pushing. It was incredibly painful and she was struggling, she knew that she still had a while before this was finally over but she had to keep it together. Olivia was squeezing Elliot's hand so hard he actually thought she was going to draw blood, "You're doing so good, Liv." He told her as he rubbed soothing circles on the back of her knuckles._

_The doctor looked at Olivia and spoke again, "I can see her head, this is going to be a little tougher but you're almost there. Push again."_

_She started to push and she groaned at the pain, tears were pricking at the corners of her eyes as she cried out, "Ple-ase, it hurts."_

_"Good! Her head is out," the doctor told Olivia, "Just a few more small pushes from here on out, okay?"_

_A few minutes later, Olivia was holding her baby girl in her arms. She rested her head back on her pillow as she heard the newborn's cries, she couldn't help but cry at how beautiful her daughter was. Elliot was the first to congratulate her, "You did so good, Liv. She's beautiful."_

_"What's this lucky girl's name?" Molly had asked so she could fill out the birth certificate._

_Olivia looked down at her daughter who was nestled comfortably in the hospital blanket before saying, "Kathryn Marie Benson."_

_She had been doubting herself the whole day about her ability to be a good mother but when Molly had placed her daughter in her arms, there was no doubting that she would go to the ends of the earth to protect her baby girl._

She didn't remember what brought her out of her zone out session while Lewis was on top of her but he was just about to finish when he said, "Are you enjoying this baby? Are you?"

Olivia said nothing, she was cringing inside until Lewis finally left her alone – redressing her once again. "There's a lot more where that came from," he said as he walked back over towards Olivia again. She didn't really know what was coming for her but the next thing she knew, Lewis took his fist and when it made contact with her face, everything went black.

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><p><strong>Please please please review! I'll try to have Chapter 13 up soon. :)<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Please please review!**

**I'm heading to Minnesota for a few days so here's Chapter 13 for you all to read while I'm gone! I'll be back on Sunday night so I'll hopefully update some time on Monday.**

**You people are the best! :)**

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><p>Lewis had left the house to go on a little stroll along the beach, he wasn't worried about being caught because there wasn't a soul for miles. He had tied up the maid and her daughter in the living room, which Olivia didn't know. When she finally regained consciousness, her head was pounding and she knew if she was going to attempt to get herself out of here, now would be the time to get herself together. She had been trying to break one of the iron rods in the head board of the bed for quite some time now, she wasn't getting anywhere and Olivia was getting weaker with each passing minute. <em>"Come on, Liv."<em> she thought to herself, _"You have to get out of here. Pull yourself together."_ With that, she tried one last time to unscrew the rod and she was successful, now she just had to wait for Lewis to get back.

A half hour later, Lewis came waltzing in the bedroom. "The views here are killer," he smiled menacingly at Olivia, "it's a shame you're stuck in here." He began to describe the beaches to her as she waited for Lewis to walk closer to the bed so she could go after him. "The beaches go on for miles." He sat down on the bed and ran his fingers through her hair, "Save that view for someone special, yeah?"

She jumped up from the bed, holding the rod in her hands as she swung, the iron immediately making contact with Lewis' head. He stumbled on the floor, his hands holding his nose which was now bleeding. Looking up towards the dresser and seeing his gun, Lewis tried to lunge for it but Olivia quickly hit him with the rod once again. She threw it down on the ground and began to kick Lewis in order to try to subdue him.

The next thing Lewis knew, a gun was being pointed at his head, Olivia behind the trigger. "Don't move," she said as he was writhing in pain on the ground.

"Why?" He asked her, almost mocking her for trying to overpower him. Lewis stood up and tried lunging at Olivia once again, "What are you gonna do?"

Olivia wasn't playing games, she was in control again and she imitated a line she had heard Lewis use many times, "One move, lights out."

"Okay, alright. You wanna be in control for a little while, baby? I can play that." He smiled as blood was dripping down from his nose and onto his shirt.

She was pissed, she was so angry at what Lewis had done not only to her but to countless others along the way and the gun she was holding made contact with Lewis' face which sent him straight to the ground.

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><p>It had been four days since Kat had last seen her mother and it was tearing her apart every time that a Uni came in with no new information regarding Olivia.<p>

Amanda had taken Kat under her wing, assuring her that they were doing everything they could to find Olivia as well as just being there for the teenager that was slowly crumbling down to nothing. It had been a rough few days for Kat, she had cried enough for a lifetime and yet the tears never seemed to stop. She was sure that if you could die from crying, she wouldn't be standing anymore. Kat couldn't even think of the last time that she had lost her mother, maybe it was the time when she was five and she got lost in one of the aisles at the grocery store.

Kat had heavily relied on Amanda during this entire ordeal, she didn't have anyone else she thought she could talk to about how she felt, especially since everyone in the squad room treated the teenager as if she was invisible. Amanda had even stepped up to bat for Kat on more than one occasion, she knew that the teenager had placed an incredible amount of trust in her and she couldn't blow it – not this time, not when there was a chance that Olivia might not come back.

That morning, Amanda had been making breakfast which was something she rarely did – not because she didn't want to but she was never home enough to be able to. It was early, Amanda had never been one to sleep in so she decided to attempt to brighten Kat's day a little bit by making pancakes that she knew were Kat's favorite. She had turned on the TV just to create a small amount of distraction from what she was doing but every few minutes, she heard a small sound that she didn't know where it was it coming from. Amanda had muted the TV and listened but heard nothing, she had checked the time and thought it might be a good idea to check on Kat.

As Amanda made her way down the hall to where Kat was sleeping, she heard the distinct sound of crying – she had worked SVU long enough to know what it sounded like. She knocked on the door and asked, "Kat, are you okay?"

When she heard no response and the continued sounds of crying, she thought it would be best if she asked, "Can I come in?" Again, no response so Amanda slowly opened the door and her heart melted at what she saw, Kat was sitting in the middle of the bed with her head in her hands, sobbing for a reason that Amanda didn't quite know yet. "Oh sweetheart," she softly said as she slowly sat down on the bed next to Kat.

Kat had practically jumped into Amanda's arms and clung tightly to her shirt as she continued sobbing. Amanda started running her fingers through the teenager's hair as she whispered soothing words to Kat who could barely choke out a sentence. Kat only hung on to Amanda tighter as she slowly started to calm down and get a hold of herself. "What happened, Kat?" Amanda broke the silence and asked.

"S-sh-she's d-dead, i-isn't she?" Kat shakily asked as tears still spilled over.

Amanda shook her head as she looked at a heartbroken Kat in her arms, "She's not dead, sweetheart. The last victim said she saw Olivia alive."

"That was two days ago," Kat whispered, "She's not coming back, is she?"

The blonde Detective didn't want to give Kat a sense of false hope but she couldn't cause her anymore pain, "Liv is okay, Kat. She could never let herself succumb to the hands of Lewis."

"How can you say that?" Kat asked, slightly angry, "You don't even know where she is, if she's even still on this Earth."

"We've been working on some new leads, we're right behind Lewis." Amanda sighed, "We're so close, sweetheart."

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you." Kat apologized at how she had acted earlier, her emotions were flying all over the place and she was having a hard time getting a grip on reality. There was a long pause where Amanda was still holding Kat before the teenager broke the silence in a shaky voice, "I just want her here."

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><p>Olivia was in the living room of the house with the maid and her daughter. The maid was so frantic and horrified as to what was happening with Lewis and seeing the battered woman standing in front of her. Olivia had asked a series of questions about their legal status and both the maid and her child were illegal. She had comforted the maid by saying that Lewis was a very bad man and that he's going to go away for a very long time so they had nothing to worry about.<p>

She had put the fear of God in the poor maid after saying that if the police found out that they were in the house, they might take away Louisa. It was a struggle for Olivia to even usher them out of the house because of her injuries. She was exhausted and her mind was foggy from the pills and the alcohol that were slowly starting to wear off. A million thoughts were flying through her head that she was having a hard time deciphering what was happening around her.

Olivia was alone once again and she slowly ambled her way back to the bedroom where she found a mirror. As she got closer and saw her reflection staring back at her, she almost didn't recognize who she was. She had two nasty black eyes, cuts both big and small on her cheeks, chest and arms, cigarette burns littered her chest and arms, she was bruised and she knew it. It was incredibly frustrating for her to see herself as a victim, if she could even call herself that. Olivia was horrified at her appearance, how on Earth was she going to explain this to everyone? How was she going to let her own daughter see how broken she looked? She didn't mean to cry but when she looked up again and saw the tear stains on her face, she just got angry.

She turned around and saw Lewis who seemed to be unconscious, handcuffed to the bed. "Hey," she mumbled. "Hey, you." Olivia kicked his foot to see what he would do, if anything. "You're out cold, aren't ya." She walked around his lifeless body as she continued talking, "I haven't called anybody yet. I think I want you to suffer first." She paused as she bit her lip, recounting everything that he had done to her, "Maybe I could burn you, or cut you. Or I could use the blow torch." She slowly limped over to the dresser as she picked up the blow torch and lit it, holding it up in her face to get a good look at it. "But you might enjoy that too much," She shakily said as a few tears slipped down her cheeks. "S-see, you know what to do. Your whole life, you know what you want and you just do it."

"What I wanna do?" She paused as she looked at Lewis' body, "I wanna shoot you in the head, right now." Her weapon was drawn as she aimed it at Lewis. "Watch you bleed out, but maybe that's too easy."

"My old partner, he'd know what to do." Olivia had rarely ever talked about Elliot ever since the day she found out he turned his papers in. She was so broken up about it that she thought it was better just to keep everything locked away in her head. "He wouldn't question himself after what you've done. He-would kick your teeth in, break your legs, break your arms, break your back, break your face." She paused and tried to compose herself after mentioning her old partner who she had cared so deeply about, she would have done anything for him and he for her. "Maybe I should call him? Maybe I should get him, to use that metal bar on you? Huh?

Lewis had jumped at her as she crouched down on the floor and it shocked her to say the least, she wasn't expecting it. She quickly grabbed the gun as she pointed it to Lewis, he begged her to shoot him after having to listen to the saddest speech he had ever heard. He had began to mock her and her relationship with Elliot and Olivia was having none of it. She had told Lewis to stop talking a number of times now and Lewis said, "Or what? You gonna shoot me? You don't have it in you. You want to, but you can't, 'cause you're a nice girl."

"You don't know who you're dealing with."

"That old partner of yours, well he sounds very macho, doesn't he?" Lewis grinned as he sat up, leaning against the foot of the bed. "Must have been tough for you. All those long nights, alone in the car."

"You don't get to talk about him!"

"Did he ever do you? He did, didn't he?" Lewis smiled as Olivia walked around the bed. "You still want him, huh? I can hear it in your voice. You're all bottled up."

Lewis had asked Olivia about the countless victims she had talked to after they had endured the worst times of their lives and asked about her and what her father did to her mother. He was being so cruel to Olivia who was just trying to compose herself long enough so she didn't shoot Lewis. He gathered that talking about her father was off-limits so he began talking about his. Lewis' father had brought a prostitute into the home and they both got off, one after the other - "the best night of my life," Lewis recalled.

"Are you kidding me?" Olivia exclaimed, "Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?"

"Oh, no Honey. I think you missed the point." Lewis explained that his dad had took him to Dairy Queen after his sexual encounters with the prostitute and acted like nothing ever happened. "I know what I want, what about you?"

"I do, I know exactly what I want." She raised up her gun once again and pointed it at Lewis, "I want you dead. I want a bullet in your head. I want you in the ground. Nobody will miss you, nobody will mourn you."

Lewis wanted Olivia to shoot him, especially while she was angry because according to him, "It's going to feel so good."

She so badly wanted to shoot the son of a bitch but she wanted him to suffer after everything he put his victims through, she didn't want him to take the easy way out. As soon as she saw her reflection in the mirror again, all she could think of was her daughter. She couldn't go down for murder, she couldn't put her child through the trauma of having her mother not around. She just wanted to get out of this hell hole that she had been stuck in with Lewis.

"I knew it, you don't have the balls." Lewis said as he looked up at Olivia who was looking at the mirror.

All of these thoughts and Lewis' latest comments were enough to pick up the metal rod once again and start to hit him with it. Her anger had gotten the best of her and she so tired of trying to be the good man in the storm, she just wanted Lewis gone and she wanted to go home. She beat him until he fell unconscious and became silent, the only thing that could be heard was Olivia sobbing who had moved herself into the hallway, away from Lewis.

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><p><strong>Please please don't forget to review! :)<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank y'all for being so patient with this story while I was gone! Minnesota was freezing but a ton of fun - made it back just in time to watch the Super Bowl and watch my favorite team, the Patriots win! **

**Anyways, here's Chapter 14 - please please review!**

**Side note: if you guys ever need anyone to talk to or even just to say hi, don't hesitate to message me - you people are the best! :)**

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><p>Liv had woken up on the floor of the hallway, she must have fallen asleep or passed out from exhaustion – she couldn't really tell. She knew she was in the beach house and that Lewis was in the next room but she had no idea what time it was or even the date – she had lost all track of time. Her mind was still incredibly foggy and she could barely put a string of coherent thoughts together, even attempting to stand up was a struggle for her.<p>

By the time she had stood up, her head was pounding and her legs were shaking as she slowly made her way to the living room where she plopped herself down on the couch. She had remembered that Lewis had a phone that he haphazardly threw when they had first arrived at the house, luckily it was on the coffee table – if it was any farther, Olivia was sure she wouldn't be able to reach it.

She had shakily picked up the phone and leaned back on the couch, her ribs and her countless other injuries causing her immense pain. Olivia had turned the phone on and wracked her brain to try to remember Amaro's number. She thought to herself, em"Come on Liv, you need to remember. You have to get out of here, now."/em Her fingers pressed the numbers on the key-pad as she miraculously remembered the final four numbers of Amaro's cell. She brought the phone up to her ear as she leaned her head over, keeping the phone steady on her shoulder.

"Hello?" Nick promptly answered, he didn't even look at the number.

"N-nick?"

"Liv? Is that you?" Nick frantically asked as he waited for a response, hoping to God that it was his partner.

There was a long pause, "Y-yeah, i-it's m-me." she mumbled, her thoughts and speech clouded by the lingering effects of the alcohol.

"Where are you?" Nick asked as he grabbed TARU to trace the number so the squad could see where Lewis had brought Olivia.

"I-I don't k-know, the b-beach m-maybe?" She shakily told Nick as she put the phone down, her arm was too weak to hold anything up for any period of time.

"Liv, we're coming for you. Hang on!" Nick told Olivia who was obviously fading and she was fading fast. TARU had traced the address and the squad made a mad dash to their cars to save her.

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><p>Cragen, Nick, Fin and countless other Uni's all arrived wearing bulletproof vests at the beach house, the ambulances weren't far behind – God knows what state they were going to find Olivia in. Amanda had gotten a call from Nick about Olivia's whereabouts but she was instructed not to tell Kat anything until Liv was checked out at a hospital.<p>

Nick was the first to step inside the house and what he saw shocked him. There was blood everywhere, broken glass, alcohol spilled on the floor, it smelled like burnt hair and flesh – his stomach lurched at the thought that his partner had endured such horrific things. Fin had followed close behind Nick, his gun had been pointed because neither of them had known where Lewis was and what he was doing – it never hurt to be over prepared in these situations, better to be safe than sorry.

Fin and Cragen had followed the hallway into the bedroom where they found a bloodied and unconscious Lewis who looked like he had gone toe to toe with the devil. Cragen had kicked Lewis' foot, he moaned but didn't wake – Cragen was thankful that Olivia had done whatever she had to do in order to save herself, he didn't want this son of a bitch alive for longer than he had to be.

Meanwhile, Nick had followed the blood trail into an adjoining bedroom where he found Olivia who was passed out in a reclining chair in the corner. She was in rough shape, her injuries were extensive and he didn't know if she was even going to recognize him, let alone be able to walk out of the house on her own. He knelt down beside the chair as he reached up and softly ran his hand against her cheek. She immediately woke up both confused and disoriented, she swatted Nick's hand away from her face, flinching at the contact that was made.

"Liv, shh...it's okay." Nick soothed as he tried to bring Olivia out of her confused state. "It's Nick, do you know where you are?"

She looked around and nodded as every memory came flooding back, her eyes became glassy as she was trying to hold in whatever dignity she had left. Nick turned around and looked at Cragen and Fin who had somber looks on their faces. Cragen stepped forward and said, "Liv, we're gonna get you out of here." He nodded at the paramedics who were about to walk in the room when Olivia shook her head and stopped them. "N-no, I'm f-fine, I-I can w-walk."

Olivia looked at Nick who was kneeling in front of her as he stood up, "I'll help you." He leaned over as he wrapped his right arm around her waist and his other holding her hand as he guided her so she was standing. She winced as his hand was pressing on her ribs she already knew were broken, "Sorry," he said as he moved his hand away so it was situated more on her hip. "You ready?"

She nodded as Cragen waved off the paramedics. Olivia was heavily leaning on Nick who was taking on ¾ of her body weight. He knew she wanted to preserve her dignity and her pride by walking out of the house on her own but in the state she was in, he knew she must have been in excruciating pain.

Fin had met them both on the porch and smiled sadly at Liv who looked like she went through hell and back, "He's still alive."

"I-I d-don't know h-how." She shakily replied as tears came to her eyes, she just wanted this nightmare to end.

Fin saw her visibly get upset and immediately reassured her, "You did what you had to do."

Nick helped Olivia navigate the short flight of stairs down to the waiting ambulance, the stretcher already out and ready. The last thing Olivia wanted to do was have everyone in the NYPD see her get into an ambulance but at this point, she was so exhausted that she didn't even care.

The paramedics both looked like they were barely 25, just what Olivia wanted, rookies who didn't know how to do their job. Nick had helped her sit down on the stretcher, Olivia's body had protested every move she made and she was having a hard time keeping it together with the amount of pain she was actually in. It was made even worse when her wrist had made contact with the metal bar of the stretcher and she immediately cried out in pain. She didn't even want to try to lean back and lie down on the stretcher, her ribs were killing her. Nick had held out his arm to give her leverage as she positioned herself in a more comfortable position, even though nothing really did anything to ease her pain.

Nick had received a water bottle from Fin and he saw how Olivia was eye-ing it. He had unscrewed the cap and held it out to her who gratefully accepted it, "Thanks.".

The paramedics were beginning to strap her into the stretcher and Olivia didn't protest at all, she wasn't even sure how she felt, there were so many emotions running through her body. She had already started to detach herself from the situation she was in. Olivia did, however, reach her good hand out to Nick who took it in his own and began rubbing small circles on the back of her knuckles. He felt incredibly guilty that she had endured one of the worst experiences of her life for four days and she was just now being taken to the hospital.

The ambulance had been moving incredibly slow down the winding roads of Long Island as Olivia and Nick had sat in silence. The paramedics had both been assessing her injuries and seeing what needed to be done first. An IV drip had been given to her but it wasn't an easy task to find a vein because Olivia was so dehydrated. The female paramedic had been cleaning the wounds on her head which made Olivia wince every time the alcohol swab made contact with the open wound. She gripped Nick's hand tighter as she squeezed her eyes shut as the pain was becoming too much for her to bear. Nick felt incredibly helpless at he sat next to his partner who was being poked and prodded by the paramedics. He could see that she was tensing up and her breathing had become more rapid, she was panicking.

Nick knew that the last thing Olivia wanted was more comfort that just holding hands, her panic would only increase. He moved himself so he was sitting on the stretcher near her hip as he continued to hold her hand and whispering soothing words to hopefully ease her stress. "Liv, it's okay. You're safe. It's over. He can't hurt you anymore."

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><p>Amanda had brought Kat back to the squad room that day, she couldn't leave the teenager alone, especially with the new information that she had learned earlier that morning. The squad room was still chaotic with Uni's who had been left behind while everyone else was at the beach house. Cragen, Nick and Fin were all en route to the hospital while Amanda had been keeping an eye on Kat who had been eerily quiet all morning.<p>

She wished that she could just tell Kat that her mother was alive but without the knowledge of the extent of her injuries, she didn't want to give the teenager any false hope in case something happened. Amanda just wanted to take the pain and suffering away but until word from the guys had come through that Liv was okay, her hands were tied.

Kat had been sitting at her mother's desk reading a magazine, except she really wasn't reading – there were too many memories that were flooding back. One memory that wouldn't seem to leave her head was the time that Olivia had come home covered in blood and bruised after Cragen had sent her home.

_Kat was 15 and had been sitting at the kitchen table doing homework when her mother walked through the door. At first, Kat didn't look up but when she heard her mother scrambling to put her things down before Kat saw her appearance, that's when she knew something serious had happened._

_Olivia had a nasty black eye, her arm had been protectively held over her right side where 2 of her ribs were broken and there was blood stained on her shirt and pants. Her eyes were teary, she was in pain and was still reeling from the events that had happened that day at SVU._

_She had been canvassing the scene of a suspect's house, Nick had been in another area of the house. The both of them had been careful, they had assumed that no one was home but this time, they were wrong. They were looking for a man by the name of Frank Johnson, he had brutally assaulted and raped a woman a few nights before. Warner had run the DNA from the rape kit and it matched Frank's so Nick and Liv were going to pick him up to interrogate him._

_Liv walked into the master bedroom, her gun aimed in front of her for protection. She had heard a noise behind her but by the time she had turned around, a man had jumped on top of her. Her gun had been hit out of her hand as Frank immediately punched her in the face and kicked her three times in the ribs. He had grabbed her gun and aimed it at her as Frank kicked her once more in the ribs. She could barely get a sound out, he had knocked the wind out of her. She had managed to sit up and lean against the frame of the bed as she stared down the barrel of her gun. "Think about what you're doing here, Frank." She said as she made eye contact with him. "Is this really how you're going to do this?"_

_"Just shut up."_

_She began reaching for her ankle gun as discretely as she could. "Frank, I know you didn't do anything to that girl." She knew he was guilty but she needed to gain his trust so she could disarm him. "I trust you."_

_"Do you?" He yelled. "Is that why you're reaching for your ankle gun?" Frank held out his hand and she reluctantly passed it to him._

_Nick had heard the conversation between the two and was coming up behind Frank, he needed to remain quiet so nothing happened to Olivia but also so he could get a shot off if it came down to it._

_"We can get you a deal, Frank." Olivia said as Frank was starting to get angry._

_"Yeah?" He smiled, "I didn't even do anything."_

_"I'll talk to the DA myself. Frank, come on. Put the gun down."_

_"I'm sick and tired of the NYPD!" Frank had put his finger on the trigger, holding the gun closer to Olivia. Nick had been behind him and before Frank was able to shoot, Nick got the first shot off – straight to the heart. Olivia screamed as Frank's body fell on top of her, his blood quickly draining on to her clothes._

_Nick made her get checked out in a waiting ambulance, she was beaten up but there were no serious injuries – she'd just be sore for a while. He had helped her into the car as he drove her home, Nick knew that even though she wouldn't admit it, she wanted to go home to her daughter. Liv was incredibly stubborn when it came to certain things, she was constantly throwing out the "I'm fine."_

_When Kat had finally looked up from the homework she was doing and saw her mother standing at the door, her mouth dropped open. Both of them stood frozen in their places, not knowing what the other was going to say – it was too much for both mother and daughter to comprehend. Olivia didn't want Kat to see her like this and Kat didn't know if the blood on her mother's shirt was actually hers, she didn't know what to think._

_Kat was the first to speak, her voice cracked at how scared she was at her mother's appearance, "M-mom?" Her eyes darting from the blood stain to Olivia's black eye and how she was cradling her ribs, "W-what happened?"_

_Olivia didn't even know what to tell her daughter, what was she supposed to say? Oh hi, Honey. I almost got shot in the head today? She was tired, she wanted to take a shower to get the events of the day off of her body and she needed pain killers. The only thing that came out of Olivia's mouth when she did speak was, "Shower," before she slowly made her way into her bedroom, shutting herself away from the world to gather herself._

_Kat had gotten up from her seat at the table and had gone into the kitchen, reaching above the fridge to get the container of Advil – she knew her mother desperately needed it. She was going to get a snack together for Olivia when she heard the shower water stop, Kat had just poured some Goldfish into a bowl and headed into her mother's bedroom._

_Olivia knew that Kat was going to be waiting outside, she wished she wasn't but Kat had a special way about her – she always knew when her mother needed her and this was one of those times. She had emerged from the bathroom wearing grey sweatpants and a light blue v-neck shirt. Olivia was moving incredibly slowly, the stabbing pain in her ribs wasn't getting any better and she was grateful to see Kat holding out the container of Advil. She genuinely smiled at her daughter, "Thank you."_

_She sat down on the bed, wincing as the sudden movement caused a sharp pain to go through her torso. Olivia slowly leaned back on the pillows that were situated by the head board, her arm held protectively over her ribs. Kat was sitting on the bed facing her mother, trying to make sense of everything but not really wanting to rip the band-aid off, especially if her mother didn't want her to know. Kat thought she'd try anyways, it wouldn't hurt, "What happened?"_

_Olivia closed her eyes and sighed, figuring that Kat wouldn't give it up if she never said anything and walked around as bruised as she was. "I was canvassing a house with Nick and the suspect came at me from behind."_

_"He did a lot more than just come at you, Mom." Kat said, she knew her mom was trying to lessen the gravity of what had happened earlier that day._

_She opened her eyes as she continued speaking, "He grabbed my gun and held it on me -"_

_Before Olivia could say anything more, Kat immediately cut in, "He did what?! Mom!" Her eyes had started to water as she realized that her mom almost died._

_"Slow down, sweetheart." Olivia soothed as she reached her arm out motioning for Kat to lay with her. The teenager hesitated at first but slowly made her way into her mother's embrace, being careful not to cause her any more pain. Olivia winced slightly as she adjusted herself as her daughter leaned against her, "Before he held my gun on me, he had punched me in the eye and kicked me three times in the ribs while I struggled to get my gun on the floor." She paused as her daughter was looking up with her in horror at the information she was receiving about her mother, "He kicked me a fourth time and when he was about to shoot, Nick got to him first – once in the heart."_

_"So that blood, wasn't yours?" Kat had asked, waiting for an answer._

_Olivia shook her head, "No, it was his. He fell on top of me when Nick shot him."_

_Kat surveyed Olivia's eye that was slightly swollen and very bruised, "Does it hurt?"_

_"A little," Olivia sighed as she lifted up the right side of her shirt exposing her ribs, "these hurt the most."_

_Kat sat up and looked, Olivia's skin was covered with the deepest shade of purple Kat had ever seen, there was barely a patch of unbruised skin on her right side. The teenager gasped, "God Mom, he did a number on you."_

_"Paramedic said that 3 of them are broken." Olivia said as she saw her daughter hesitate, "Kat, I promise I'm okay, really." She genuinely smiled, "It's just bruises, I'll survive."_

Amanda had been saying Kat's name going on five times now, she didn't really know what was going on with the teenager – she had been in sort of a fog all morning. The blonde Detective had gotten a call from Fin who had said that Olivia was on her way to the hospital and that she was in rough shape, that's all he knew. Amanda had thought long and hard about whether or not to tell Kat, she had been advised not to by a few members of the 1-6 but she couldn't bear to see Kat mope around the way she has been.

Finally breaking out of her daze Kat said, "Sorry, what?"

"Come with me," Amanda said as she started walking towards one of the interrogation rooms. She wanted to tell Kat in a more private room without the prying eyes of Uni's, this was the next best thing to actually driving to the hospital to see Olivia.

Kat was confused, she didn't really know what was going on except for the fact that she was now sitting in the interrogation room with Amanda beside her. "What's going on?"

Amanda paused, looking into Kat's eyes before saying, "We found her, we found your mom."

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><p><strong>Please please please review!<strong>

**I'll try to have Chapter 15 up soon. As always, thanks for loving this story as much as I do! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**First off, today was a good day because SVU got renewed for a 17th season!**

**Second, I'm going to Europe for 3 months, I'm studying abroad in Ireland - I leave next Thursday. HOWEVER, I'm not abandoning this story, I'll post once a week considering I've done a lot of writing lately. I couldn't just walk away from this story after all of your sweet reviews and love for this - y'all are the best!**

**Third, please please please review!**

**And fourth, should you feel the need to follow my escapades on Twitter, have at it: fearLIZness17 **

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><p>Kat was speechless, she didn't know what to say. There were a million thoughts running through her head, <em>"Is she okay? Is she alive? How badly is she injured? Is Lewis alive? Can I see her? Does she even want to see me?"<em>

Amanda spoke again, smiling at the teenager who was sitting before her, "Kat, it's over. She's going to be okay."

Tears formed in Kat's eyes as it finally hit her that her mother was alive, that she had made it through probably the worst experience of her entire life. She broke down with her head in her hands as Amanda wrapped her arms around Kat. She started to run her fingers through the teenager's hair as she comforted her as best she could, "I know, I know. He can't hurt her anymore, it's okay."

As Kat was trying to pull herself together, she whispered, "C-can I see her?" She hesitated to ask, not knowing the response.

"We'll be in the waiting room for a pretty long time, while she gets looked at. That okay?"

Kat nodded, she just wanted to be close to her mother in case she miraculously wanted her daughter's affection amidst the chaos her life was now. "Yeah, that's fine."

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><p>By the time Olivia had made it to the hospital, doctors were already assessing her injuries. Her mind was foggy, her eyes were blinded by the lights in the room and it made her head pound even more than it already was. She could hear the doctors chattering around her, <em>"She has to be sedated, she needs a rape kit, we need to get that stitched up, she's bleeding, her ribs are broken, her wrist is fractured, she's burned, her ankle is sprained, her eye socket is most likely broken, there's barely an inch of unbruised skin on her body, she has a concussion, she's in shock."<em> it never seemed to stop. Olivia had been doing her best to detach herself from the exam room she was lying in but whatever she tried, didn't work. It was physically and emotionally painful for her to be this aware of her surroundings – she could still feel Lewis on her skin and it caused her to panic.

A nurse had stepped in and sat by Olivia, she couldn't have been more than 25. She started to try to get Olivia's attention and get her to calm down a little, "Ms. Benson, can you hear me?" The nurse's name was Meredith and she didn't want to tell Olivia that she couldn't be sedated because of the high content of alcohol and drugs that were flowing through her system but someone had to be there for her so she didn't panic even more. "You're safe, it's okay."

Olivia's eyes darted every which way around the room, her breathing was rapid and she was on the verge of a panic attack, from the doctors coming in and out to the bright lights to the door where she desperately wished she could walk out of. Meredith started again, "It's okay, you're going to be okay. Can you look at me?"

As Olivia's eyes slowly made their way to Meredith, her breathing began to slow slightly as the nurse softly spoke again, "Good, can you take a deep breath with me?" They both did three deep breaths and Olivia seemed to be a bit calmer. Meredith smiled warmly at her and said, "You gave us quite the scare earlier. Can you tell me where you are right now?"

"M-mercy Hospital." Olivia mumbled, she remembered everything that had happened and it killed her.

"That's right," Meredith nodded. "We've bandaged you up a little bit so far, we haven't been able to stitch anything because your blood alcohol content is still too high." She paused, letting Olivia catch up on the information she was receiving, "As it lowers, that's when we'll be able to make you a little bit more comfortable and assess your injuries further."

Olivia took in all the information but it went in one ear and out the other, her mind was elsewhere and she was avoiding what she knew the nurse was going to ask her.

"We've noticed a lot of bruising on your inner thighs as well as some blood." Meredith softly said as she watched Olivia retreat into herself, "You're going to need a rape kit, am I right?"

Her eyes immediately became glassy with tears as they avoided Meredith's gaze, Olivia had never wanted to become the victim – it made her stomach lurch at the thought of it. As her eyes finally made contact with the nurse, she shakily replied, "R-right."

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><p>Kat had practically sprinted into the waiting room, Amanda was following close behind as Fin, Nick and Cragen were already seated, waiting for word on Olivia's condition. Kat immediately looked at Cragen and asked, "Where is she? Where's my mother?"<p>

Cragen motioned for her to sit down in the open seat next to him, "Sit."

She reluctantly sat down as she looked at Cragen who looked like a wreck. Kat knew that he thought of Olivia like his own daughter and how protective he was over not only both Benson's but the entire squad. Cragen smiled sadly at Kat and began to speak, "She's still with the doctor's getting checked out, that's all we know right now."

"Please, I need to see her." Kat began to speak as she blinked back her tears, "I need to know she's okay."

Amanda crouched down in front of Kat's chair she was sitting in, taking the teenager's hands in her own as she began to say, "Sweetheart, when the doctors are finished, they'll tell us." She squeezed Kat's hands slightly and continued, "We'll wait here until we know something and then we can go from there, okay?"

Kat nodded as she wiped the last remaining tears from her eyes. It was so hard knowing that her mother was in the same building as she was yet she couldn't see her, let her know that everything would be okay and just be there for the one person Kat would do absolutely anything for. Every time a doctor walked by the waiting room, her eyes would follow them until they walked out of her sight. She was going crazy with each passing minute that she didn't know how her mother was doing.

Fin and Nick had gone to one of the vending machines down the hall to get something for Kat to eat, they knew it was going to be a struggle but they had to make sure that she was taking care of herself. They came back a few moments later with a package of Goldfish, a bag of chips and a Gatorade. Nick passed them to the teenager who had zoned out in the chair, "You need to eat something, Kat."

The teenager shook her head, "Not hungry, really." She didn't want to eat anything, her stomach was in knots.

Nick pressed again, "Kat, for your mother?"

Kat took the snacks reluctantly as she nibbled on a few Goldfish. She was praying that it didn't come back up later on from her nerves and the fear that was running through her body. The teenager was exhausted and she had been fighting to keep her eyes open for a while now. Amanda had given Kat her winter jacket to use as a pillow while Fin had given her his police jacket to use as a blanket.

Once the teenager had fallen asleep, the Detectives sat in silence for a few moments before Amanda had been the first one to speak, "How is she?"

"Liv?" Cragen questioned, he didn't really want to relive seeing one of his best detectives so injured but he knew this wasn't going to be the last time he would have to talk about it.

Amanda nodded, "Y-yeah, you guys all saw her. Is she, you know, okay?"

"She was in rough shape when we pulled her out of the house," Nick said as he looked up from where he was sitting, "Lewis really did a number on her."

Amanda looked over at Kat who was asleep, "She's going to want to know something when she wakes up," She looked at the guys and continued, "Whether one of you tells her about what you saw or we wait until the doctor comes out."

45 minutes had passed and Kat had been up for barely ten before a doctor finally made an appearance in the door. Everyone's eyes immediately looked up at the doctor who made his way into the waiting room. He cleared his throat and asked, "I need Ms. Benson's next of kin."

Cragen stood up, as did Fin, Nick and Amanda. He replied, "That would be us."

Kat knew she wasn't her mother's next of kin, being her daughter meant nothing in this situation and she let the squad go with the doctor down the hall to talk more privately.

Fin was the first to ask, "How is she?"

The doctor's eyes looked straight at Fin before looking at the other 3 Detectives before replying, "She's in rough shape. Her wrist is fractured, she has varying degrees of burns on her chest and arms, practically all of her ribs are broken or fractured, she has a pretty severe concussion, she has deep lacerations on her wrists presumably from handcuffs, her ankle is sprained, her eye socket is broken, she has a few deep lacerations on her stomach as well as her arms and face, and almost every inch of her body is bruised in some degree."

With every word the doctor spoke, all of the Detective's hearts broke. Olivia was the backbone of the squad, they couldn't imagine how she looked let alone how she was feeling. Even though no one said anything, they were all feeling incredibly guilty that Lewis had gotten to her. They would have done anything to have been able to prevent this from happening but this wasn't a perfect world, working in SVU never was.

The doctor continued, "Her blood alcohol content was still too high as of about thirty minutes ago so we haven't been able to stitch Ms. Benson up quite yet. We've been able to keep her pain level relatively low so far but she is still in some discomfort."

Amanda had been wiping away at her tears while the guys were trying hard not to cry themselves, it was a lot of information to digest and the doctor still wasn't done explaining Olivia's current condition.

"There was also quite a lot of bruising on her thighs that is consistent with sexual assault, possibly -" Before the doctor could finish, Amanda quietly whispered, "rape."

"We're going to have to do a rape kit, but for now, we wanted to update you on how everything was going so far."

Nick asked, "Will we be able to see her?"

The doctor nodded, "Myself or a nurse will be out later today with another update and hopefully by then, we'll be able to give the okay for visitors." He paused and looked at the sullen faces on each of the Detectives standing before him, "I'll let Ms. Benson know that you're all here for her."

Once the doctor had gone back to Olivia, Fin looked at Amanda who was trying to wipe the last remaining tears away and said, "I'll help you tell Kat, she should know what's going on with Liv."

"I'll help too," Nick jumped in and Cragen nodded his approval that he would help as well.

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><p>Kat had been incredibly nervous during the time that she was left alone in the waiting room. She had paced the floor, flipped through a dozen magazines and yet nothing seemed to calm her down. She didn't want to have to be sedated from having a panic attack but her emotions were flying all over the place and she was having a hard time keeping it together.<p>

All of the detectives had seated themselves around Kat, who they all thought of as their own daughter from the amount of time they had spent together over the years. No one wanted to see her going through this at seventeen but everyone was just trying to get a grip on the situation they were now all faced with. Amanda took Kat's hands in her own as a comfort as the teenager had noticed Amanda's slightly red eyes, "You've been crying, is she okay? What did the doctor say? Is everything alright?"

Fin was the first one to speak, "Liv is in rough shape, Kat. Lewis really did a number on her."

Kat nodded as Nick was the next one to cut in, "Her injuries are extensive, she's in a lot of pain right now."

"The majority of her ribs are broken or fractured, her ankle is sprained, she's got a pretty bad concussion, lacerations on her wrists as well as her stomach, arms and face -" Amanda paused as Cragen began to speak next, "Her eye socket is broken, her wrist is fractured, varying degrees of burns on her chest and arms, there's barely an inch of unbruised skin on her body."

Before Fin, Nick, Amanda and Cragen had come back into the waiting room, they had all decided to not tell Kat that Olivia had been raped. If the teenager had brought it up, then they would have to answer it but if she didn't, they would leave it up to Olivia.

By now, the teenager had been reduced to tears at how badly her mother had been injured. She couldn't imagine how Olivia must be feeling or how much pain she must have been in. "I-I n-need to s-see her, please." Kat had practically begged the Detectives to take her to see Olivia but their hands were tied so now all they could do was wait.

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><p><strong>Please please review!<strong>

**I'll update some time next week - catch y'all on the flip side! :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Well hello friends! **

**First order of business: I made it to Ireland safe and sound, it was a super long day of plane rides but once we finally landed, everything was great! The town I'm in is absolutely amazing and the people here are so lovely. I also had my first pint of Irish beer in a pub earlier, it was grand! **

**Second order of business: Since it's been over a week since I've last updated (I apologize), I decided to do it tonight - it just seemed fitting!**

**Third, should you feel the need or want to follow my escapades in Ireland and with SVU, my twitter is: fearLIZness17 - I promise I don't bite! :)**

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><p>Olivia had been staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours even though it had only been 45 minutes, she was trying so hard not to think of the pain she was in. It was torture for her to lay in the hospital bed with her injuries exposed to the world because there was still so much alcohol and pills left in her system.<p>

She was brought out of her fog by Meredith that had walked into the room. She had walked over to Olivia's bed and Meredith slowly sat down making sure not to startle her, "How about we get you stitched up?"

Olivia was grateful to whoever was listening that her pain would lessen with whatever medicine the doctors would give her. She was having a hard time coping and she was ready to move on to the next step. She nodded at Meredith who had now gotten situated with the kit.

Meredith gave a warm smile to Olivia who was trying not to cry already and said, "This won't hurt too much, just a bit of pressure. Okay?" She waited for Olivia to give her approval before she began with stitching up the laceration on her forehead first.

Olivia winced at the contact of the needle but had calmed once Meredith began talking, "I know, I'm sorry. I don't want to cause you anymore pain."

"I-it's okay," Olivia shakily said. "You're not d-doing this on purpose."

Once Meredith had finished stitching up Olivia's forehead, she moved on to the deep lacerations on Olivia's chest. She was in pain and she couldn't hide her tears anymore, they began to spill over. Her hands couldn't quite keep up with the tears that were slipping down her face already.

Meredith looked at Olivia with a sympathetic look on her face and asked, "Do you want a break?"

Olivia shook her head, "N-no. Just keep going, please."

"Are you sure? I can stop, if you want to. It's up to you."

She shook her head again adamantly and said, "J-just talk t-to me, anything."

Meredith nodded and continued stitching up Olivia's chest, "It's a beautiful day outside, I thought the rain wasn't going to clear but it stopped about an hour ago." She made her way to one of the cuts on Olivia's arms and began to stitch up the deeper cut. "You know, you're a hero."

"W-what are you talking about?"

"For everything, you should see how many people are camped outside this hospital." Meredith replied, sometimes she didn't have a filter but in this case, she was just trying to give Olivia a little bit of a self-esteem boost. "Your squad's been in the waiting room all day, they're pretty worried about you."

Olivia nodded, "Y-yeah, they're a force to be reckoned with sometimes."

"They're only looking out for you, you know." Meredith was in the process of stitching up one of the last cuts on Olivia's arm, it was one of the larger cuts so Meredith was glad that Olivia was up to talking in order to keep her mind off of the pain. "There was a younger girl with them too, about seventeen? I swear she looks just like you."

Olivia knew that Kat would be in the hospital somewhere, she knew that her daughter would refuse to leave until she saw her mother – she was so stubborn when it came to things like this, it was in the Benson blood. Olivia craved familiarity with the faces of her squad and more importantly her daughter but she couldn't bring herself to see them, she needed to get a grip on herself first. Meredith saw how Olivia had gone quiet and she didn't want to pry but she asked, "Is she your daughter?"

She nodded as her lip began to quiver at the mention of Kat. Meredith had since been done with giving stitches but she kept Olivia talking by saying, "I can pull a few strings and get her in here for you, if you want?"

"No, no, no." Her heart rate began to speed up as her breathing became rapid and shaky, Olivia was panicking.

Meredith quickly jumped in and began to try to calm Olivia down, "Hey, hey, it's okay. She won't come in, it's alright. We'll do this on your terms, yeah?"

She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and nodded at a nervous looking Meredith, Olivia knew she could trust the nurse to keep her word. In a way, Meredith reminded Olivia of Kat which calmed her in situations where her anxiety peaked.

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><p>Kat had gone with Fin and Cragen to the cafeteria in the basement of the hospital. She had managed to come up with some sort of an appetite with the new information about her mother but it still scared her to death that she still wasn't able to see Olivia.<p>

Meanwhile, Meredith was in the process of getting Olivia prepped for the rape kit that needed to get done. It was a touchy topic with Olivia, Meredith could see that she was getting anxious and panicky with each passing minute. The nurse didn't want Olivia to have a full blown panic attack but she had insisted that she didn't want anyone in the exam room with her, she figured it was easier that way than to be so vulnerable in the presence of someone else.

The nurse had begun to document pictures of Olivia's injuries, from the bruises on her face to the lacerations on her chest and the burns to the deep bruises on her wrists from the handcuffs – the pictures never seemed to stop. The flash didn't phase Olivia, she had already begun to detach herself from the situation. She had no emotion on her face, her eyes had a blank stare that was devoid of all life, she was going through the motions she had seen with countless rape victims she had come into contact with at SVU.

Meredith had already swabbed the inside of Olivia's mouth and was currently in the process of clipping her fingernails for any DNA that could be found. She had been as gentle as she could when she had brushed Olivia's hair but Meredith could hear Olivia whimper quietly. Meredith's heart broke for the woman that was sitting in front of her, it never made her job any easier.

In the softest voice she had, Meredith said, "Let your gown drop at the front, I need to get a few pictures of the bruising."

Olivia complied although she was slowly becoming painfully aware of what was going to happen next, she knew the routine but she had never been the one laying on the table before. She had laid back on the table as her feet were in the cold, plastic stirrups. Olivia shuddered slightly at how exposed she felt with her knees in the air, her eyes had darted all over the room in hope of finding something to take her mind away from this but nothing seemed to work. She clenched her eyes shut and stifled a whimper that ultimately caused her to cry out louder than she would have wanted.

"Ms. Benson," Meredith paused as she looked at Olivia who was barely keeping it together.

"I-it's O-Oli-via." She managed to shakily reply as she looked at the young nurse with tears pricking at her eyes.

"Olivia," Meredith replied as she smiled sadly at the terrified woman on the table. "Do you want me to go get someone from the waiting room?"

It was silent in the room as Olivia contemplated whether or not she wanted anyone with her. It was hard enough doing this by herself but she knew that if she kept crying, the exam wouldn't be over with fast. Eventually, the need for comfort and familiarity won and she reluctantly nodded her head at Meredith. "R-Rollins – Amanda."

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><p>Amanda had been reading a magazine while Cragen was getting some coffee down the hall and Fin and Nick were with Kat in the cafeteria. She wasn't really reading, it was more of a way to waste time – it's not like she had anything better to do anyways. Amanda had seen the nurse pass by the waiting room a few times but now that the young nurse was standing right in front of her, it was different.<p>

"Amanda, right?" Meredith hesitantly asked, hoping that she was talking to the right person.

"Y-yeah, that's me." Amanda was confused, "Is everything okay?"

Meredith nodded, "Olivia's asking for you." In a hushed tone for Olivia's own privacy, Meredith continued, "It was during her rape kit exam, she's pretty freaked out right now." The young nurse stood up, "Follow me?"

Amanda got up and followed her down a few hallways until they reached the exam room. Meredith turned to the Detective and said, "You should prepare yourself, she doesn't look good by any means."

"It's nothing I haven't seen before." Amanda said as Meredith opened the door and they both walked in.

Meredith was the first to say anything, "I found Amanda for you, she's right here."

Amanda had been hesitant to enter the room, she knew that victims lashed out at anyone who was there to help - she wasn't even sure Olivia wanted her there in the first place. Amanda took a few steps forward and that's when she caught the full glimpse of her colleague. It took absolutely ever fiber of her being not to gasp or cry or even just rush over to hug Olivia. She had seen countless victims in the same position as Olivia but it never quite prepared her for seeing someone she knew in the same situation. "Liv, hey." Amanda said in the softest voice she could manage, one that she often used with victims.

Tears pricked at Olivia's eyes as she saw Amanda walking over to the side of the table. She had been glad that Amanda was someone that she could rely on. Amanda had been there for her when Olivia was shot, when Elliot had left and countless other times that the blonde Detective had helped out. Amanda was beside Olivia's bed, she had outstretched her hand to which Olivia grasped gratefully on to.

"Ready to start again?" Meredith asked, knowing that no one was ever ready for this kind of thing.

Olivia shot a scared glance at Amanda who gave her a sympathetic smile, "Not r-really."

"Liv, I'll be here the whole time. Whatever you need, you just tell me. Yeah?" Amanda jumped to Olivia's rescue, she knew that she had to keep her friend calm.

Olivia nodded at a waiting Meredith who sat down on the rolling chair at the foot of the table. When she felt contact of Meredith retrieving samples, her body began to tense as she cried out. "I-I can't d-do this, please."

Amanda had sat on the edge of the table Olivia was lying on, she had nothing but empathy in her voice when she spoke, "Liv, you're the strongest person I know. Look at everything you've overcome up to now." She had noticed that Olivia had already started crying, it was traumatic for her to go through this, something that Olivia had never wanted to endure especially after knowing that her mother did the same. "Lewis cannot walk away from this, I can't let him."

Olivia cringed at the mention of the man who had nearly killed her, she knew Amanda was right but it didn't make it any easier to go through the rape exam. Amanda squeezed Liv's hand slightly in support, "If you're going to do this for anyone, do it for Kat. She's scared out of her mind she's going to lose you."

Meredith had started once again as Olivia gripped Amanda's hand tighter. Usually Amanda would take the victim's statement but because she was so close to Olivia, she knew it would probably traumatize her more and she didn't want to muddy any of the waters – they had to make sure Lewis got put away for this.

Amanda didn't fail to notice the silent tears that were freely flowing down Olivia's face and the whimpering that she had tried to stifle, Liv's walls that she had put around herself were slowly but surely crumbling down to nothing. She had squeezed Olivia's hand slightly in a silent support to which Olivia was grateful to have.

"The worst of it is over, you did so good Olivia." Meredith quietly announced as she busied herself with documenting the last bits and pieces of the exam.

Olivia took a sigh of relief that the rape kit was behind her but her nerves had been shot to hell and she said, "I need to get out of here, anything. Please." She had still been holding on to Amanda's hand but her other arm was wrapped protectively around her middle.

Amanda looked at Meredith who nodded and replied, "We'll get you to your room in just a few minutes, it's just down the hall."

Olivia had begun to move herself as she attempted to sit up, the pain that coursed through her body was excruciating. Amanda had placed her arm behind Olivia's back as Meredith was on the other side, slowly getting Olivia to sit up. She had started to cry again as she tried to take deep breaths to attempt to lessen the pain of such small movements.

"You're hurting her!" Amanda exclaimed as she jumped to Olivia's rescue, "Isn't there any other way to do this?"

"Unfortunately there isn't," Meredith shook her head sadly as she looked at a crying Olivia and a worried Amanda, "Once we get her into the wheelchair and back to her room, I can get her some pain medicine. Until then, it's going to be slow going."

Amanda crouched down in front of Olivia who was obviously in excruciating pain, "Liv, hey." She waited until her colleague had finally looked up, tear stains evident in her expression. "We're almost there, I know it hurts. Do you think you're ready to try again?"

Olivia bit her lip and nodded reluctantly so both Amanda and Meredith went back to either side of the brunette Detective to try to get her standing. Within five minutes, Olivia was shakily standing on her feet. There was so much pressure from all her weight being on her injuries that it was almost too much for her to bear. The blonde Detective had turned her body slightly as Olivia leaned heavily on her trying to alleviate some of the pain. Amanda was holding the brunette Detective as best she could while simultaneously attempting to comfort her friend. Meredith had gotten the wheelchair and had come from behind Olivia who was holding on to Amanda.

"Alright Liv," Amanda softly said, "Keep holding on to me and we'll slowly get you into the wheelchair, okay?"

Through her tears, Olivia had mumbled a soft yes and they began the slow process. Once she was situated in the wheelchair and Amanda gave the young nurse a nod, the three were on their way to a room just down the hall that Olivia would be able to call her own.

It was the same song and dance that the three had done to get Olivia off of the table as it was to gently get her back into a hospital bed. It was painful, she couldn't even remember a time where she hurt this badly both physically and emotionally. When she was finally situated in her bed, Meredith began the process of inserting an IV to not only rehydrate her but to also release pain medicine into her bruised and battered body. Finding a vein was no easy task, especially since Olivia was so dehydrated from being forced to drink alcohol mixed with a variety of pills but when the IV was finally placed, the poking and prodding was over for now.

Amanda saw that Olivia was fighting to stay awake from the heavy doses of pain medication that was now running through her body, she picked up her jacket from the chair as she said, "I'll let you get some rest, you could use it after the day you've had."

Olivia's eyes had a look of fear in them, she was terrified of being alone. She craved familiarity and she was terrified that Lewis would come back and take her away again. When she finally did speak, her voice was shaky as she was trying to hold back the sob that was caught in her throat, "S-stay, pl-ease."

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><p><strong>As always, please please review! It always makes my day a little better reading them, you are all so lovely with them! :)<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi friends! :)**

**First: So I went to Dublin this weekend and I checked something off my bucket list which was unreal - drinking a Guinness at the storehouse! It's an amazing city for sure!**

**Second: Sorry it took me so long to update, sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day - especially when your sense of time is warped like mine is!**

**Third: Chapter 18 should be up next week, hopefully sometime on Sunday - I'm heading to London on Thursday for the weekend! :) **

**Fourth: Here's Chapter 17, I hope y'all like it!**

**Fifth: I'd love to get to know you fantastic people, should you feel the need/or want to follow me on Twitter, have at it - fearLIZness17**

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><p>She had been asleep going on three hours now and since Amanda didn't know when she was going to wake up once again, she had decided to go back out to the waiting room. Before the door to Olivia's room had shut, Amanda had been reduced to tears. Seeing Olivia so broken and vulnerable in the hospital bed had really gotten to her on a number of levels. She had looked up to the brunette Detective ever since she had gotten transferred to SVU and she considered her a close friend that she could go to with anything that was on her mind. To have Olivia alive after what Lewis had done had just made the tears keep flowing. Even standing by Olivia's side during the rape kit was incredibly difficult to have to watch and having to almost physically carry Olivia off of the table.<p>

Amanda had gone into one of the bathrooms down the hall in order to splash some water on her face to lessen the chance that her squad would find out that she had been crying. Once she had gotten her emotions in check, she had made her way back to the waiting room. Kat had fallen asleep again on one of the cushioned chairs in the corner of the room, she was sprawled out with at least two police issued jackets on top of her being used as blankets to keep her warm. Amanda had motioned for the three Detectives to come with her in the hall to talk about what was going on with Olivia.

Cragen was the first to ask, "How's she doing?"

"Not so good, she's in a lot of pain right now." Amanda paused as she looked at the three men before her, "I was with her during the rape kit, she was a wreck – still is."

"She gonna be okay?" Fin questioned, he and Olivia had been close ever since he had arrived at the precinct on his first day. Their friendship was simple but very deep, they could read each other like books.

"She will be, eventually. They have her hooked up to an IV to rehydrate her and for meds." It was hard for Amanda to talk about all of this to her squad but she continued, "Liv's terrified, it's written all over her face. She wants to run but she can't."

Nick had been quiet throughout the conversation, he was still reeling from the events earlier that day when he had been the one to bring Olivia out of the house. "She up for visitors?"

"She's sleeping now, has been for a while." Amanda had reiterated what Meredith had told her earlier, "We can go in one by one to visit but Liv has to make that decision for herself."

Everyone nodded at Amanda who had clearly taken control of the situation, it was silent for a few moments before she spoke again, "Look, guys. You need to prepare yourselves, she doesn't look good."

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><p>Fin was the first to venture into Olivia's room, he was quiet because Amanda had told him that Liv was sleeping. He was two feet into the room when he heard frantic whimpers and crying coming from where Olivia was lying.<p>

_Lewis had been extremely angry that day, everything seemed to set him off and this time it was Olivia. He thought she was incredibly ungrateful for everything he was doing even though Lewis thought that he was actually being generous._

_"Lewis," She started, "The entire NYPD is after you."_

_"You stupid son of a bitch," He smiled as he looked at Olivia, "You really think that makes me nervous? Do you think I care?"_

_"They're right behind you, it's over Lewis." She confidently said as she stared down her attacker._

_Lewis lunged at Olivia while pointing her gun at her head, his right arm was pressed against her neck making it incredibly difficult to breathe. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you right now."_

_She was gasping for air as Lewis' gaze was incredibly menacing, "P-pl-ease, L-e-wis."_

_He laughed at how much Olivia was struggling, "One move, lights out."_

Olivia was crying out, "No, no! Please, Lewis!" She was thrashing about in her bed, still immersed in her nightmare while Fin made his way over to her bed.

He had placed his hands on her upper arms as he began to steady her as best he could, "Liv, you're safe. It's okay, it's just a dream." Fin had repeated those phrases over and over slowly bringing her out of her nightmare.

She was shaking and had a look of fear in her eyes that Fin had only seen once before in his life and that was when he had saved Olivia from her sexual assault at Sealview when they were both undercover. "Hey, you're safe." Fin said as Olivia looked at him with all kinds of emotion flying through her mind.

"F-fin?" She mumbled as tears filled her eyes looking at him.

He nodded, "It's me, Liv."

Lewis was brought back to her mind and she was still absolutely terrified that he would walk in at any second, "W-where is he?"

"Bellevue, he's not getting out any time soon." Fin paused as he saw Olivia visibly relax, "How you holding up?"

Olivia laid back on the pillows, wincing at the stabbing pain in her ribs. Her eyes had become teary again as she turned her head to look at Fin who was worried about her. "The truth?"

Fin smiled at one of his oldest friends and nodded, "That'd be a good place to start."

"Awful, horrible, devastated," Her voice lingered as her eyes avoided looking at Fin. She could think of about a dozen and a half other words but none of them really seemed to solidify everything she was feeling.

"You went through hell, Liv. It's gonna be okay, you know."

An uncomfortable silence filled the room as the two Detectives looked at each other. Fin had been surveying her injuries, he had seen her exit the beach house with Nick but nothing really prepared him for how she was going to look the way she did in the hospital.

Fin had a look of complete sympathy in his eyes as he asked, "What do you remember?"

She looked at him with a deep, deep sadness that filled her gaze. Her voice had gone quiet and she let out a tiny whisper, "Everything." She could no longer hold the tears back as she began to sob, every part of her carefully built walls had come crashing down at once and it was too much for her.

His heart broke for Olivia, he knew this was deeply traumatic for her on so many levels. Fin sat down on the edge of the bed as Olivia clung to his shirt, her fingers beginning to whiten from how tightly she was holding on. He pulled her close to him being very mindful of her countless injuries and Fin let her cry. He knew that images of Olivia's mother were running through her head and how she must have gone through the same thing or images of Lewis during the four days that she was held captive. Fin understood that this ordeal was going to take a tremendous toll on Olivia but if she was willingly showing emotion then it was a step in the right direction. She had been crying for upwards of a half hour before she began to settle down. All that could be heard was the occasional sniffle or whimper as she slowly gained control over her emotions once again.

What broke the silence was Fin softly speaking, "Kat's really worried about you, Liv."

She had been shaking her head adamantly at Fin's statement. "No. Don't bring her in here. Just, don't."

He sighed, "Liv, she's going to see you eventually. She's a wreck, barely holding herself together. The poor girl thinks it's her fault that Lewis got to you."

"Fin," She quietly said as she continued speaking, "She can't see me like this, please. Just take her anywhere but here, anywhere." Olivia was practically pleading with Fin to take her daughter away from the hospital, she loved her daughter but she was currently struggling pretty hard with the fact that Fin and Amanda had already seen her in such a vulnerable state – having Kat see her would send Olivia over the edge, something that she couldn't afford to have happen.

"Every second that she's in the waiting room away from you, is killing her Liv. She's barely slept since you went missing, Nick and I had to force her to eat in the cafeteria earlier."

Olivia's voice was wobbly as she looked a Fin with a pleading expression on her face, "Please, Fin. Anywhere but here."

Fin sighed as he reluctantly agreed with Olivia's request, he had told her that he would be in later and with that, she was left alone in her room once again.

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><p>Kat was going crazy in the waiting room, she had yet to see her mother and no one was even offering to take her to visit. Her emotions were shot to hell and she was about to lose it as she walked up to Nick exclaiming, "When are you going to take me to see her?"<p>

"Kat, calm down." He said as he looked down at the fuming teenager, "You can't if you're this worked up."

"Why won't anyone take me to see her?!" She began to yell, "Hell, I don't even know if she's even in this hospital!"

"These things take time, Kat." Amanda softly said as she tried to calm her, "It's only been a few hours."

"That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard someone say," Kat angrily said towards Nick and Amanda, "Either someone takes me to see my mom or I'll find her myself."

Fin had walked back into the room as Kat began to walk towards the door. He had stopped her from walking aimlessly through the hallways as Fin picked her up over his shoulder saying, "You're done, you need a break." Fin looked at Amanda who quickly followed suit behind him while Kat was struggling to wriggle out of Fin's grasp.

They had made their way to Amanda's car where Fin placed Kat inside the back seat before shutting the door and turning towards Amanda, "Take her back to your place, she's gotta cool off for a while. I'll call you if anything changes."

Kat was fuming in the back seat while Amanda drove, it was eerily quiet in the car – the teenager didn't want to speak and Amanda didn't want to cause a further blowup. Rather than having to make dinner, Amanda had driven through a McDonald's. She hadn't eaten all day from being with Olivia and she knew Kat must be hungry by now. The bag of food sat in the front seat as the two continued to drive back to Amanda's apartment.

By the time they had made it up to Amanda's door, Kat had calmed down significantly which was a good thing because now Amanda could have a civil conversation. Amanda didn't blame the teenager for how she reacted to things the past couple of days, she understood the fear, guilt and sadness that Kat was feeling – she didn't hold it against the teenager, Kat had every right to feel the way she did.

The teenager had made her way to the couch with her bag of food in hand, Frannie had quickly followed suit as she laid down at Kat's feet. Amanda didn't even have the energy to scold the dog for begging so she let it slide this time knowing that it might be good for Kat. Amanda sat in the reclining chair that was adjacent to the couch and began to take a few small bites of her burger. Kat had been picking at her french fries while staring at the wall before she turned to Amanda, "I'm sorry."

"You have every right to feel the way you do, no one is blaming you for the way you reacted at the hospital."

"God, I was so childish." She paused as she took a bite of one of her fries, "I completely lost it, Amanda."

Amanda smiled at the teenager who was feeling incredibly remorseful at her actions earlier and said, "Sweetheart, it's okay. We were almost expecting it to happen with everything that's been going on."

Kat went quiet as she picked up the glass of water that Amanda had placed on the table for her. She took a sip and asked the blonde Detective, "It's really bad, isn't it."

Amanda knew that Kat was talking about Olivia and she nodded her head, "She's in really rough shape, Honey."

"You saw her, when I was asleep?" Kat sighed as she turned towards Amanda with a sad look on her face.

She sighed as she got up and sat down next to the teenager who she saw was about to cry. "I did, your mom asked one of the nurses to come find me."

With tears pooling in her eyes, Kat hit the nail right on the head and asked, "Why didn't she ask for me?"

"Oh sweetheart," Amanda sighed, "I wish I knew, I really do." She pulled Kat into her embrace as the teenager was contemplating her next question.

"Is sh-she you know, doing okay?"

"Not really, no." Amanda had sadly told Kat and continued, "She's in an incredible amount of pain right now and she's terrified that Lewis is going to come after her again."

"He's not though, right?"

Amanda nodded, "He's in Bellevue under 24 hour surveillance, he's not going anywhere."

Kat had stayed in Amanda's embrace for a few minutes before extracting herself by saying, "I'm going to head to bed, if that's okay?"

Frannie had followed Kat into the bedroom as she shut the door, she was exhausted but instead of crawling into bed, she sat against the door letting herself get lost in her thoughts. The dog had placed her head on Kat's lap while the teenager mindlessly ran her hand over Frannie's fur.

As soon as Amanda heard the bedroom door shut, her cell phone began to ring. She saw it was Fin and she was hoping that nothing had changed since she had last seen Olivia. "Fin, what's up?"

"Just checking in to see how Kat's doing, she calm down any for you?"

Amanda chuckled slightly, "Yeah, almost as soon as we got into my apartment. She felt really bad for the way she reacted earlier, I don't blame her. How's Liv doing?"

"Nick's with her now, I asked him to bring up Kat visiting again but we'll see."

Amanda knew why Olivia didn't want to see her daughter but it was only a matter of time before Kat took things into her own hands, "What did she say when Cragen went in and asked?"

Fin sighed as he spoke, "Same thing that she told me, to take Kat anywhere but here."

"Kat's going to have to see her eventually, Liv can't avoid her forever."

"We'll work on getting her to change her mind but for now, she's pretty set in her ways." Fin paused, "I'll let you know either way, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in the morning sometime with Kat." There was a silence on the phone before Amanda spoke again, "Let her know that we're there for her, with whatever she needs."

"Will do." Fin said as they both hung up the phone.

Little did Amanda know, Kat could hear every word of the conversation. The teenager didn't mean to listen but the door she was leaning against was incredibly thin. She had assumed that her mother just wasn't up to visitors when everyone was in the waiting room but Kat had been incredibly wrong. Her own mother didn't want to see her for reasons she didn't quite know and it killed her to know that her mother was trying to deal with things herself rather than relying on other people. It wasn't unlike Olivia to do something like this but to have it thrown in Kat's face was very difficult for her to come to terms with.

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><p><strong>I'd love it if you'd review, they absolutely make my day! :)<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello friends! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update, there just aren't enough hours in the day - especially when you're studying abroad, everything falls by the wayside but not to worry, I'm back! :)**

**First: London this past weekend was AMAZING - it's probably my new favorite city. I crossed 4 things off my bucket list so that was pretty sweet too!**

**Second: I'm heading to Paris on my Spring Break on Monday so I probably won't update until I get back on March 14th - I'm still super excited to go!**

**Third: Here's a word of advice from me to you, do what you want with it but if you ever get the chance to travel, do it - especially traveling abroad, you seriously won't regret it.**

**Fourth: Here's Chapter 18, I hope you like it!**

**Side note: I'm on Twitter, if you wanted to find me there - fearLIZness17 :)**

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><p>It had been a long and restless night for Olivia in the hospital. The beeping from the machines she was hooked up to had been bothering her, every time she closed her eyes she saw Lewis, and by the time morning actually came, the pain medication she was on had long since worn off.<p>

She had been looking up at the ceiling for what seemed like a half hour before she heard the door to her room open. Her head turned to see who it was and she saw Meredith, God was she grateful to see her.

The young nurse smiled at Olivia, "Morning, how are you feeling?"

Olivia had tried to speak but the pain in her body was too much for her and her eyes followed Meredith as she walked around to the side of the bed checking the monitors. That's when she noticed the IV bag was empty, "I'm so sorry." Meredith felt bad that Olivia probably had been in excruciating pain when she woke up and she couldn't move to press the call button.

The brunette Detective gave a small smile to Meredith who had reached her hand out to Olivia, "I'm going down the hall for a few minutes to get you a new IV, okay?"

Meredith was a bit surprised to see that Olivia had quickly grabbed on to her hand and didn't let go, a look of fear in her eyes once again. She looked at Olivia and gave her a sympathetic smile as she began to speak again, "I'll be right back, I promise. Try not to move, I'll be 5 minutes tops."

Keeping her word, the young nurse was back in under the time she had originally told Olivia. "Let's get you feeling a little more like yourself, yeah?" Meredith had immediately began to change the IV bag in hopes of relieving some of Olivia's discomfort.

Olivia gratefully nodded her thanks to Meredith who was seated in the chair beside the hospital bed. She had some time before she had to check on her next patient and Meredith wanted to make sure that everything was going okay with Olivia.

"Give it about 15 minutes and you should feel it start kicking in." The young nurse had seen Liv receding back into herself as everything in the room was silent except for the monitors that never seemed to stop beeping. "Look, if you ever need anyone to talk to that isn't in your squad," Meredith paused, "I hope you know that you can talk to me, about anything, whatever you need." Usually she didn't offer this to every patient that she took care of but Olivia was different, Meredith really did care about the well-being of the battered woman that found it incredibly difficult to relay her emotions and needs to others.

"Thank you," Olivia said as she smiled, she was exhausted and she was desperately hoping that the pain medication would knock her out for some period of time.

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><p>Amanda and Kat had gotten to the hospital at around 9:45am which was early for Kat but she had been up since 8 that morning, her thoughts had won the battle against sleep. Amanda had been reluctant to bring the teenager to the hospital this early knowing that visiting hours didn't start for another hour but here they were.<p>

Cragen, Nick and Fin had taken shifts as to who stayed at the hospital and who went home for a few hours to catch up on some sleep. Cragen and Fin had left the night before and were due in some time that morning, Nick had stayed in case Olivia miraculously needed anything during the night. When Amanda and Kat had walked into the waiting room, they saw Nick slumped over in a chair, clearly exhausted.

Amanda had walked over and sat next to him, placing her hand on his shoulder. "Nick, hey. Wake up."

He jumped awake as he straightened himself up in the chair he was sitting in, "What happened? Is everything okay?"

Kat laughed slightly at the confused Nick in front of her as Amanda said, "Why don't you go home for a few hours, catch up on some sleep. We'll hold down the fort."

Nick hesitated at first, he didn't want to leave but he needed to tie up a few loose ends at his house with Maria and Zara. "Alright, I'll be back later on today. Call me if anything changes?"

Amanda nodded as Nick disappeared down the hallway. She turned to Kat who had already made herself comfortable in the same chair she had been sitting in for the past day. Amanda knew that it was only a matter of time before Kat lost it again, it was something everyone was trying to avoid. She felt bad for the teenager whose world seemed to be falling apart every second she didn't get to see Olivia. Amanda knew that Olivia couldn't hide from her daughter forever but no one wanted to impede on her already impaired judgment from the medication she was currently on.

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><p>Olivia had been asleep for about an hour which didn't really fix the pounding headache she had from the concussion Lewis gave her. She had been in quite a bit of pain all morning, the medication she was on only went so far and Olivia knew that she was in for a long recovery if she kept feeling like this.<p>

Meredith had been in and out to check on Olivia's vitals, not that anything had changed but the young nurse had made sure to give the brunette Detective a little extra care. Anything Meredith could do to help her patient was a small win. Olivia hadn't been up to talking much that morning, she mumbled incoherently in her sleep and when she was awake, her mind was in a sort of a fog that she couldn't seem to get out of.

However, when Meredith came in around later that morning, she was carrying a small cup of a few pills. Olivia had been watching TV except it was just something to try to take her mind off of how she was feeling but also to avoid having Lewis pop up in her head. She was exhausted and no matter how much medication the doctors had her on, Lewis always seemed to be in the back of her mind even more so than when he had held her captive.

"Hey there," Meredith said softly as she stepped foot in the room. She didn't want to frighten Olivia who didn't seem to notice that the young nurse had entered.

Olivia turned her head slowly towards Meredith, her eyes glassy and she had been holding back tears since she had first woken up earlier that morning. She nodded her head at the young nurse who was standing before her.

"You feeling any better?"

Olivia bit her lip slightly as she shook her head slowly side to side as she softly replied, "Not really."

Meredith smiled sadly as she took a step closer towards Olivia's bed, sitting down on the rolling chair as she asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She looked at the young nurse who had placed herself next to the hospital bed, Olivia didn't really want to talk about anything these days – she was just going through the motions. She knew that Meredith was only trying to help and Olivia appreciated that immensely, "I hurt," she paused as she tried to regain control of her emotions, "all over."

"Where does it hurt the most?" Meredith asked Olivia who had finally taken up the young nurse on her offer of a listening ear. The young nurse had seen a lot of victims in the short time she had been at Mercy Hospital but she had taken a special interest in Olivia because of the fact that she was different. Different in a way that Meredith hadn't seen before in a patient, Olivia reminded her of someone she knew. Her mother had been in an abusive marriage, she knew what it was like to see someone so battered that they didn't even know which way was up. It was all too familiar for Meredith and she hoped that she could help Olivia even if it was just listening.

"M-my soul." Olivia quietly whispered as the tears started to pool in her eyes. "I don't k-know if I ev-even have one any-anymore."

"Olivia," Meredith sighed as she began to speak, "You went through probably the worst experience of your life and you made it out. If that doesn't speak to how strong you are physically, emotionally and mentally, I'm not sure what does." She paused as she looked at Olivia who had been wiping away tears. "I know you feel broken and helpless now but time will become your best friend."

The brunette Detective took a deep breath as she made eye contact with Meredith, "Are you sure you're only a nurse?"

The fact that Olivia was able to make a small joke spoke wonders about how she was learning to cope with everything. It was a hard pill to swallow for the brunette Detective, especially now that everyone had been referring to her as the victim – something she never wanted to be called.

There was a few minutes of silence in the room before Meredith spoke again, "I know you're probably not going to like this, but I have these for you." She held up the small cup of three pills to show Olivia who already knew what they were.

She dreaded those three pills that she knew were coming, it was only a matter of time. Those three pills confirmed that Olivia had been raped and it was one more brick in her wall that came crashing down – the rest in a heap at the bottom of the pile. Meredith had placed the cup in Olivia's good hand as she softly said, "It's up to you, whether or not you want them."

_Serena Benson was a tough lady, she had been through a lot in her short life not that she let anyone on to the fact that she was struggling. She had been struggling for thirteen years now, there was no denying that it had been a long and tough road to where she was now except her daughter had no idea that anything was wrong._

_Olivia was used to her mother coming home fall-down drunk on most nights, it was a frequent occurrence in the Benson household. Serena was a college professor who never really spent much time at home, she was too busy nursing her drinking habit to forget the state her life was currently in. The young teenager knew a lot about how to take care of a drunk, how to hold her mother's hair back when she was throwing up after a long night of shots at the bar, how to put her mother to sleep when she stumbled in the front door, how to comfort her mother when she sat up at night sobbing and also how to stay hidden when her mother ran around the house in a drunken rage looking for Olivia to beat on._

_On the off chance that Olivia couldn't get out of the way during a drunken rage, she would go to school with the occasional bruises on her arms or the one time where she showed up to school with a huge cut on her face from when her mother broke a wine bottle and glass went flying. Olivia had rehearsed what to say whenever someone asked what had happened to her and after a while, people stopped asking – things were better off that way anyways._

_Olivia was thirteen when her mother stormed into the living room one summer day. She had been off of school for a few weeks and had been watching TV on a Saturday morning. Olivia knew that her mother had been in a mood, she had been since the night before except she didn't know what set her off._

_Serena had angrily shut the TV off and turned to Olivia who had already started to push herself up from the couch in case she had to run, "Come with me."_

_The teenager hesitated before she ended up following her mother into the master bedroom, "What's going on, Mom?"_

_They both sat down on the bed where her mother had placed a few newspaper articles and photo albums on top of the sheets. "I'm going to tell you about your father."_

_Olivia was a little shocked, she didn't really know what to think about her mother's sudden outburst about her father. It's not like Olivia really cared about the guy, from what she made up in her mind, the guy had bailed when she was a baby so it was just her and her mom. "I thought he was dead?"_

_"Wrong." Serena sighed as she picked up a newspaper article that talked about the night she was raped, passing it to Olivia. "This is from that night."_

_She had begun to read it, not really understanding where her mother was going with all of this new information. "What does this have to do with me? I wasn't even alive yet."_

_"I was a student at Hudson University, I was walking home one night and that's when he jumped on me." The older Benson paused as she looked at her daughter, "He forced himself inside me and once he was finished, he was gone."_

_Still, Olivia was confused. She was still trying to absorb all of the information that was being laid out in the open. "You were raped?" She had just learned about it in one of her health classes the year before, it was still a fairly new concept to Olivia._

_Serena nodded her head, "Yes, I was." She paused as she cleared her throat and as she looked at her daughter, she began to speak once again, "I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later."_

_"What?" Olivia exclaimed, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "So, that baby was me?"_

_"You were born 9 months later." Serena sighed as she finally let go of that one piece of information that had been looming over her head for years now._

_Olivia stayed silent as she stared at her mother while her thoughts clouded her mind. It all made sense now, as to why Serena acted the way she did around her daughter. She drank to try to put the past behind her, to try to forget all the pain and misery from that night. Every time Serena looked at Olivia, she relived that night over and over again – her daughter was a constant reminder of the worst night of her life._

"Olivia, did you need me to repeat that?" Meredith had asked, breaking the brunette Detective out of her flashback.

She shook her head as she poured the pills into her hand. "No, I'm okay. Really." The truth was that she was anything but okay, she couldn't shake the thoughts of her mother and how she had gone through the same thing. How she didn't take the pills that were now in Olivia's hands, how Olivia wouldn't have even been born had Serena not taken the morning after cocktail in the hospital.

Her mind was in two different places, both in the hospital and lost in her thoughts – she could barely focus long enough to decide what she was going to do. She couldn't not take the pills and have there be a chance where she was pregnant with Lewis' child – she wasn't sure that she would be able to live with herself if she let that happen. She wasn't even sure she could do that to her own daughter, to have something like that lingering over both of their heads. Olivia was terrified that she was going to end up like her mother if she didn't take the pills that Meredith had given her and in the end, fear won.

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><p><strong>As always, I'd love it if you'd review - they make me smile and they absolutely make my day! :)<strong>


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi friends! Don't worry, I'm alive and well - I even made it to Paris and back in one piece. :)**

**#1: Paris was amazing and a city that will always have a place in my heart. I also learned a number of valuable life lessons like to not take the metro when you're drunk or even how not to murder the men who stand under the Eiffel Tower trying to sell you key chains for a euro! However, I did eat enough crepes to last me a lifetime!**

**#2: I've been waiting to update this ever since I landed in Paris so here it is finally! I hope y'all like it. :)**

**#3: I'll have Chapter 20 up sometime next week, thank you to all of you who stick with me as I navigate this story - you people are the greatest!**

**#4: I'm also on Twitter should you feel the need to follow or get to know me better - fearLIZness17**

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><p>The waiting room had been quiet all afternoon, it was like the hospital had lost all signs of life. Kat hadn't seen a single nurse walk by the entire day, she made it up in her mind that they had more important things to do than having to keep checking up on the squad every five minutes. She liked the quiet, it gave her time to collect her thoughts.<p>

She was getting bored of sitting around so she announced, "I'm going to take a walk for a little bit."

Amanda and Nick both looked up from their seats and asked at the same time, "Do you want us to come with you?"

Kat shook her head, "No, I just need to clear my head. I'll be back in a little while."

All of the Detectives had been wary of Kat leaving on her own but since they had been all over her the past couple of days, they decided that it was probably to her benefit if she got some alone time. The last thing they wanted was to have her feeling like she was being smothered and do something she'd regret later on down the line.

The teenager had made her way down one of the hallways in the hospital, she didn't really know where she was and she didn't care – Kat just needed to walk. She had been gone for about five minutes and she was already getting questioning looks from a few of the nurses at the nurses station, the teenager just kept walking. Before she knew it, she was standing in front of a window in the maternity ward, staring at the newborns in their bassinets. They looked so innocent and peaceful, the cruelty of the world hadn't hit their tiny minds yet. A few parents had passed her, asking the teenager questions about how it felt to be a big sister and which baby was the lucky one. Kat didn't really even know why she was still standing in the window, looking at the newborns calmed her in a way that she couldn't quite describe. She could see a few more parents coming her way and because she wanted to avoid confrontation, she turned and started wandering downstairs again.

Kat had passed a few waiting rooms filled with people waiting to hear news on their loved ones and in a few instances, she witnessed doctors telling families that they did everything they could but it wasn't enough. She finally came down a hallway that she had seen Amanda, Nick, Fin and Cragen walk down many times and she knew that her mother was around somewhere. She had over heard Amanda on the phone the night before talking about how Olivia didn't want to see Kat and when she was resting in the waiting room, she heard Cragen tell Nick what room Olivia was actually in. Whether or not the squad were aware that she was listening, Kat didn't know but she found herself now standing in front of her mother's hospital room.

She had mixed thoughts about walking in, the teenager didn't really know what to expect and she didn't want to make things worse for her mother but at the same time, she had to make sure her mother was alright. Kat quietly opened the door and slowly made her way inside, making sure that the door shut quietly behind her. She took a few steps inside until her eyes saw Olivia laying on the bed, asleep.

Kat had to suppress a gasp at how beaten and bruised Olivia actually was, she had been briefed on the extent of her mother's injuries but nothing quite prepared Kat for seeing everything in person. The teenager was now standing beside Olivia's bed while simultaneously surveying her mother's injuries and attempting not to make a sound. Kat had seen Olivia come home bruised a few times but this was entirely different, nothing compared to what Kat was looking at currently. Both of Olivia's eyes were severely bruised, her left eye was considerably more swollen than the right because of her broken eye socket. The cigarette burns were visible on Olivia's chest and arms as well as the deep lacerations that had now been bandaged and precariously placed. A cast was placed on Olivia's right wrist and from what Kat couldn't see, the list of injuries went on.

As the teenager sat down in the reclining chair next to her mother's bed, tears had since pooled over from surveying Olivia's injuries. She was trying to be quiet so she wouldn't wake up Olivia but it was proving difficult, especially from all of the guilt she was feeling. Kat blamed herself for not being home to save her mother, if she just would have been there, things would be different. Kat took her mother's good hand in her own and held it up to her cheek as she began to whisper, "I'm so sorry, so so sorry. It's all my fault, this wouldn't have happened had I been there." The teenager wished she could just crawl into the bed with her mother but she knew she shouldn't so she settled for just holding on to Olivia's good hand as she cried silently.

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><p>It had been about an hour and a half since Kat had left to take her walk and Amanda had been the first to notice that something might be up. "She should be back by now, it's been over an hour."<p>

Fin piped in, "Maybe she went to the cafeteria to get something to eat?"

"She's seventeen, it's not like she would leave the hospital – Liv is the only reason why she's still here." Nick gave his two cents, he knew that they should just leave Kat be but in this situation he understood why everyone was so on edge.

Cragen had gone home for the day to catch up on sleep so Amanda had taken charge with the other two Detectives, "Let's at least see if she's okay, I don't want to find her in a bad spot."

Both Fin and Nick nodded at Amanda's suggestion and Nick who was the voice of reason that day said, "She probably found Liv or something, I wouldn't put it past her to go looking you know."

"Oh God," Amanda sighed as she looked at Fin, "Liv's probably freaking out."

As the three Detectives made their way to Olivia's room, they had heard frantic shouting coming from inside. Fin was the first to walk in and he saw Olivia who was thrashing underneath the blankets, clearly reliving part of her capture and Kat who was sitting on the side of her mother's bed, her eyes as wide as dinner plates.

_Olivia had been tied up in her apartment on one of the dining room chairs all night, Lewis had been at her with cigarettes and a wire coat hanger off and on for about an hour. Every time she felt that searing pain hit her skin, she had cried out underneath the duck-tape that made it incredibly hard to breathe._

_"Who are you crying for?" Lewis taunted, "No one even knows you're here."_

_She whimpered as she saw him holding another can of beer in his hands, he was halfway to being drunk already. Tears had started falling and she hoped that he would just let her go._

_Lewis smiled at her pain and began again, "Do you miss your partner? Huh?" He leaned in close to her face, "Or what about your daughter?"_

_Olivia squeezed her eyes shut and the mention of Kat, she was praying that Lewis wouldn't go after her. It would kill Olivia if something happened to her daughter, she couldn't let anything like that happen even if it cost her own life._

_He lunged at Olivia who visibly flinched, Lewis' hand pressing into one of the cigarette burns. As Olivia cried out, he just laughed at how much power he had over her. She tried taking deep breaths to try to balance out the pain that was coursing through her body but the duck-tape was making it even harder._

_Lewis leaned in close to Olivia's face, making eye contact with her as he began to speak, "No one, is coming to save you." He waved her gun in front of her face, taunting her, "It's just you and me now, sweetheart."_

"No! Lewis, stop! Let me go!" Olivia had been repeating the same three things over and over while she was still caught up in her nightmare. Nick had started to make his way over towards the hospital bed but before he could, Kat held up her hand and motioned for him to stop. All three of the Detectives had given Kat a questioning look but stopped once Kat began to softly speak to her mother, "Mom, hey. It's okay." The teenager placed her hands on each of her mother's shoulders to try to bring Olivia back to reality, "You're safe, it was just a dream. Mom, I promise you're okay."

After a few minutes, Olivia slowly but surely began to come out of her flashback, her eyes zeroing in on Kat who was still whispering reassuring phrases. The older brunette couldn't decipher who she was looking at in front of her, she had told her squad that she didn't want Kat to see her like this. Olivia stumbled over the one word that made it out of her mouth, "K-kat?"

Kat nodded as tears pooled in her eyes, her voice shaky but firm as she spoke, "Yeah, Mom. It's me."

It was so quiet in the room that you could hear a pin drop, everyone was waiting on how Olivia was going to react. Kat and her mother hadn't broken eye contact as they both stared at each other in shock. The teenager was the one who broke the silence as the tears began to fall down her cheeks, "I'm so so sorry."

Fin had stepped forward towards Kat and softly said, "Come on," he reached out his hand to attempt to get Kat out of the room.

"I-it's okay," Olivia shakily spoke as she turned her head to look at Fin and repeated herself again in more of a whisper, "It's o-okay."

The Detectives saw themselves out out of the room, leaving Olivia and Kat alone once again. Kat was barely holding herself together and Olivia was trying her best not to panic at the fact that her daughter was seeing her in the most vulnerable state. Olivia looked at her daughter who so desperately wanted to be held, to feel her mother's embrace that she missed so much. Kat really did think that Olivia was gone, she was terrified that she would never see her mother again and the relief that she was sitting before her mother now came flooding out in her tears.

"Kat," Olivia said as she picked up her good arm and held it out to her daughter to come lay with her in the bed.

The teenager hesitated as she looked at her mother but the need for comfort won. She climbed up onto the bed as Olivia moved over slightly to make more room while wincing at the stabbing pain from her injuries. Kat laid down next to her mother, still in tears as she took everything in. Olivia had taken Kat's hand in her own, it was painful to do much moving but this was better than nothing. "I'm okay, sweetheart."

Kat shook her head and blinked a few tears away, "But, you're hurt and in the hospital." She paused as she looked at the bandages on her mother's arms and chest, the bruises on her face. Kat choked out a sob as she shakily said, "I'm so so sorry, Mommy."

There was only a few times that Kat had called Olivia "mommy", it was usually whenever she was really sick or incredibly scared and it broke Olivia's heart each and every time she heard it. "Oh honey," Olivia sighed as she watched her daughter who was sobbing next to her, "None of this is your fault, I promise."

"L-look at wh-what he d-did to you!" Kat pointed to all of Olivia's injuries, "He could have k-killed you."

"But he didn't," Olivia spoke calmly and clearly, "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Kat moved as close as she could to her mother and Olivia wrapped her arm on her daughter's back, she whimpered slightly at the jarring of her ribs but hoped that Kat didn't notice.

The teenager saw her mother attempting to hide her pain and as she wiped away the last remaining tears, she hesitantly asked, "Do you, need me to get a nurse? If you're in too much pain," she paused before continuing, "you know, you can tell me."

Olivia bit her lip and looked at her daughter who was already being so protective over her and tried to gather her emotions as to not freak Kat out. Kat started to sit up as she spoke again with more of a concerned tone in her voice, "Let me go get a nurse, okay?"

Liv shook her head and mumbled a shaky no before she pleaded with her daughter, "Just stay, please?"

The truth is she was terrified, she didn't want to be alone any more than she wanted to be comforted. The fact that Kat had seen what she looked like and the extent of her injuries just about pushed her over the edge. The medication that had been pumping through her IV made her feel incredibly foggy and it made her emotions fly all over the place to the point where she didn't know how to feel about the situation she was in. She was in so much pain that it sometimes made her want to die, Lewis was a constant pop up whenever she closed her eyes. She was so sleep deprived that on some occasions she couldn't form a coherent sentence and whenever she attempted to eat anything, she felt so nauseous that she thought she was going to vomit at any second. She wanted to be held but at the same time, she couldn't stand being touched because her mind went straight back to Lewis.

It was a constant battle for Olivia, a war between remembering and forgetting.

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><p><strong>As always, reviews make me smile and also make my day so please don't hesitate to tell me your thoughts!<strong>


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